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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

FIL took his friend to my house.......

257 replies

itisaverywindyday · 10/02/2020 13:57

AIBU to be absolutely fuming that my FIL took his mate round to my house to show him our bathroom, without asking us, without telling us until about three months later when he dropped it into conversation?
FIL - "Ooh yeah, John's bathroom looks lovely, he went with the same tiles as you, as liked how yours looked"
Me - "Oh right, has he seen them then?"
FIL - "Yeah I brought him round one day to have a look"

I am fuming!! This is not a one of occurrence of what I think is a total invasion of my/our privacy.

OP posts:
picklesdragonisawelshdragon · 10/02/2020 13:58

So you need the key back.

Durgasarrow · 10/02/2020 13:59

not okay

redcarbluecar · 10/02/2020 14:00

Seems odd and out of order that he’d do that without asking you first. Are you able to have a word with him about checking next time?

TankGirl97 · 10/02/2020 14:00

Are you sure he didn't ask your dh? I'd be fairly miffed, fuming is quite extreme though, unless he has form for not respecting your privacy.

Original poster
itisaverywindyday · 10/02/2020 14:00

He has a spare key in case of emergencies.

OP posts:
wowfudge · 10/02/2020 14:00

Change the lock barrel or ask for the key back.

Whentheleavesfalldown · 10/02/2020 14:00

Don't let him have access to your house?

Original poster
itisaverywindyday · 10/02/2020 14:02

He didn't ask DH. Yes he has form on some level but I never thought he would take someone into our home without checking!

OP posts:
Letsallscreamatthesistene · 10/02/2020 14:02

Have you spoken to him about it?

Original poster
itisaverywindyday · 10/02/2020 14:03

No I haven't, I couldn't at the time as I felt annoyed.

OP posts:
FlaskMaster · 10/02/2020 14:04

Totally not ok. Find someone else to keep hold of a spare key. Rent a locker or keep one at work or something.

NRPDad · 10/02/2020 14:05

Discuss it and say you will take key back if not willing to ask going forwards.

My mother did similar helping herself to some DIY stuff whilst I was abroad for 2 weeks and letting me discover when I realised stuff was missing, so I've had the same chat.

Thehop · 10/02/2020 14:05

Take your key back!

Never in all my adult life have I heard of an emergency that required a parent to have a key.

Highonpotandused · 10/02/2020 14:06

When are you getting the spare key back, OP?

Original poster
itisaverywindyday · 10/02/2020 14:10

Its up to DH to ask for the key back as it is his parent, he won't....

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 10/02/2020 14:13

Its up to DH to ask for the key back as it is his parent, he won't....

Then it's up to you to have the locks changed. Do not sit back and allow your privacy to be violated like this. You clearly can't trust your FIL.

LakieLady · 10/02/2020 14:17

Get the key back and fit a key safe.

That way, in the event of an emergency, you'll be able to give the keysafe combination to anyone who needs to get in, as long as you trust them.

And you can change the combination when access is no longer needed, so no-one will be able to take the piss.

Absolutepowercorrupts · 10/02/2020 14:18

No I haven't, I couldn't at the time as I felt annoyed
Its up to DH to ask for the key back as it is his parent, he won't
If you can't ask and your husband won't there's nothing more to say is there?

FizzyGreenWater · 10/02/2020 14:19

No. It is up to YOU if you are ok with another adult having a key to your house. If you are no longer happy, then the key comes back, and your DH would have the same right to veto a member of your family keeping a key.

If you won't stand up to DH/FIL about it fine, but it's definitely your decision!

Morgan12 · 10/02/2020 14:19

Honestly don't think this is a big deal.

IntermittentParps · 10/02/2020 14:19

Its up to DH to ask for the key back as it is his parent, he won't....
Then you have to do it.
Give your DH a chance first: tell him to get the key back by x date or you'll have the locks changed. If he doesn't then you get the locks changed and find another emergency key-holder.

GloriousGoosebumps · 10/02/2020 14:21

You've got a house key and your husband has a key so in what circumstances do you foresee your fil needing his own key? An outdoor key safe sounds a much better solution if you're seriously convinced that a third person needs to have a key.

SpillTheTea · 10/02/2020 14:22

Change the locks then if you won't ask for the key back.

NotALurker2 · 10/02/2020 14:24

Doesn't seem like a big deal to me. He's family. He was proud of your bathroom and showed it to a friend.

Do you trust him? It's not like he's going to your house to do drugs or have sex when no one knows he's there. What he did seems minor to null IMO.

EngagedAgain · 10/02/2020 14:24

So how often does he let himself in (you said it's not a one off).

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