DH and travelling for work.

[surelyitcantgetworsethanthis]

DH travels a fair bit for work. His diary is self managed, he is the boss and has a fair degree of control. He travels locally and internationally.
I found out I need to have some pre cancerous cells removed. Nothing life threatening but still upsetting, so we agreed to go private to speed up the process and put both our minds at rest. (DH lost his mum young to cancer)
Appointment booked, locked it in both our calendars, 3 weeks ago. DH reassured me he'd be there, there is no way he wouldn't etc.
DH was due to travel internationally this week but his counterpart from the UK couldn't (for whatever reason) make it so moved it to next week. DH texted me at work saying he's really sorry but needs to travel on surgery day. He has no choice.
AIBU to be completely livid.
I don't want to go alone (no family we are overseas, appointment is at school pick up time so can't get a friend to come and hand hold)
The next available is in a month, again when he is due to be away and I don't want to wait.
I cannot see why he can't say that doesn't work and travel the next morning. Or dial in via zoom. The words 'pre-cancerous' may be clouding my judgement so appreciate feedback.

Yanbu - he assured you he would be there. He has gone back on that.

Is he able to push his flight to the evening?

Don't wait. This would be a game changer for me, I would be packing his bags if he cannot support you at such an important appointment !

Latest flight is 6pm. So would need to leave at 4:30 at a complete push, so he could take me. But not be there for recovery, take home etc

I've had it done it's not surgery as such it's a relative straight forward procedure. I get that you'd want someone there and he agreed he would be so yanbu.

If it is ok for his colleague to switch dates, same goes for him

I had it done and they recommend having someone with you in the letter in case you are lightheaded after and make you sit for a bit before leaving. The procedure it’s self wasn’t a problem and I (who faints a lot) didn’t feel lightheaded after at all though.

Given his diary is self managed and he's the boss he could most likely have said no- you were just easier to let down than colleagues/client.

I bet if he'd had an expenses holiday booked he'd have been capable of saying "sorry i am not available that day"

Considering his colleague can cancel last minute he can postpone and rearrange well in advance

What a let down when you need support.

He can get another job, he can’t replace you 😪

Is this a letz procedure? I felt quite unwell after mine, which is not uncommon apparently because of the vagal nerve which is situated in the cervix.

I don’t think it’s massively unreasonable of him, providing he doesn’t do things like this all the time and it’s a one off it probably is because he really does have no other choice. If he’s self employed he might lose business by missing the meeting. It’s clearly important to him because of the fact you went private and about his Mum. Unless he does it all the time he probably feels guilty but can’t do anything to change it. I hope it goes well :)

Wow! He has his priorities completely wrong. If his colleague can change the dates I don't understand why he can't move his visit by one day. Does he not understand the implications for you?

Meh - mine forgot to show up after we’d arranged it all. We laughed about it. I found the procedure to remove the precancerous cells more straightforward than the one to identify them.

He's let you down so you are ok to feel what you are feeling I would too. Not sure if dwelling on it will be of any help though? Just put your best foot forward and deal with it on your own. You need to be strong and you know you can be, buy some good magazines and a big flask of your fav hot drink - make this up ready for your return. Book a cab there and back and you will be impressed with yourself that you can be self sufficient , you did do it on your own and you will always be strong and capable no matter what life throws at you !
Best of luck !

I’ve had it done, and it wasn’t straight forward for me- I just had someone on standby and able to pick me up after. Wasn’t even my OH at the time as he couldn’t get off from work.

If OH had to go away for work, I wouldn’t be too fussed if I’m honest, but I’m pretty laid back about stuff like that.

I wouldn’t be too worried either. Can’t you take a friend if you really want someone with you?

I found the procedure ok, but definitely appreciated my husband being there and felt a bit crap afterwards.
As pp said why is it ok for his colleague to switch dates and not him, challenge him on it!

Completely get why you are upset, why on earth couldn't he say I'm sorry my wife is having surgery that day so that date isn't possible for me ?
His UK counterpart obviously managed to turn it down.
I get it's difficult to say no to work sometimes but on this occasion he needs to put you first.
I had lletz to remove precancerous cervical cells , if it's the same procedure I'm pretty sure they said shouldn't drive yourself home. You'll need to rest for a few days and avoid lifting anything heavy for a while . Good luck 💐

I think what has upset me the most is that his counterpart has stuffed it up and he seems accepting of that.
I could understand if it was the only day that senior decision makers could be in the one room. But it's already being manipulated to accommodate his colleague. I don't need him texting me telling me no to blow this out of proportion and that there is no need for a mood.
Yes I know I'll be fine. I've been to hell and back over the past 4 years. (Multiple ivf failures)
I'm an incredibly strong person. But for once I don't want to be self sufficient. I want my DH to run me home, make me tea and cuddle me on the sofa. Not Ddog.

He needs to get his priorities sorted. Both DW and I have big pressured, client facing jobs with travel and not in a million years would either of us miss an appt like this. Not would clients expect us to.
Your DH needs to explain the situation and re-schedule, miss the meet, or have someone cover.

yanbu

I would be giving him the nuclear option on this.

DH let me down similarly when I had a breast lump - I'd told him I'd prefer he came, in his wisdom he decided not to, clinic ended up doing a biopsy (I'm hideously afraid of needles so was really bloody upset) and afterwards I just felt so utterly let down.

Some women are clearly happy to go to your surgery on their own and that's great, but I think it's a very personal choice and it's also fine to say no, I want support and expect your husband to provide it

I don't need him texting me telling me no to blow this out of proportion and that there is no need for a mood.

Good grief, that one would have me thinking wistful thoughts of violence. He's breaking a promise in some of the worst circumstances for doing so, if ever there was bloody need for a mood this is it. Tell him so.

Tell him to grow up. You're not being 'moody' - you're pissed off that the man who is supposed to care the most about you is refusing to be there when you're at your most vulnerable.

What would happen if you insisted he changes it? Because if you let this go, you're basically telling him that it's okay to put you below his job going forward. It's not the having someone there for the procedure, as people do cope with those things, it's that he agreed to come and has let you down. YANBU.