Friend didn't tell me the truth about baby daddy

[WhalesharkSubmarine]

Not sure if I'm being unreasonable or whether this is even an issue.
My friend and I are very close and had our ds's about three years ago. We talk everyday and have been eachother's rocks. Her baby daddy is from a different part of the world and hasn't stepped up at all since she had her ds. She's been to visit him and he's been disinterested and irresponsible. He finds it hard to find work and once she found hundreds of messages from other western girls on his phone, most of them on gap years. They broke up and she's been raising ds mostly on her own, with the odd Skype call.
Last week she mentioned to me that it was her baby daddy's 24th birthday. 24! We are mid thirties. She laughed and said he lied about his age when they first met and slept together. But surely you know if someone is 20 right? I mean her ds is 3, they were together for a bit before so he was really young when they met.
I feel like this puts a whole different spin on him not stepping up. I mean not only is he on the other side of the world, from a different culture but he's also a lot younger than us. I know that women who get pregnant at that age and younger have to grow up but I think that's partly due to biology. I think it must be hard for a young man in a different country to comprehend that there is a dc that he can't visit who needs him to get a job.
Am I just making excuses for him? I won't treat her any differently but it will affect the way I see him and his actions.

Yeah, you’re making excuses for him.

You’re not a very good friend to her. I had to reread it several times as I assumed a friend hadn’t told you something about your dc’s father. This chatter about a friend’s child’s father is just bitchy gossip.

Of course you're making excuses for him.

If you have babies, you pay for them.

They don't suddenly live for free because the parents (of whatever age) find it difficult to get work.

Makes no odds. He chose to sleep with her and avoid responsibility.

You sound kind of judgey.. the age doesn't change things.
However, she should have lied.

He sounds useless and you sound like a judgy mate. Help her out cause he won't

@PennyGold not judging, but the actions of a 22 year old are a little easier to make sense of rather than the actions of a 30 year old. I mean I was pretty self centred at 22.

Plenty of people have babies at that age and younger, it doesn't give them an excuse to be a shit parent. You're acting like he's a kid, he isn't!

You're not much of a friend, very judgemental. What's any of this to do with you?

You can be self centered at any age when you don't have kids to be fair. Why not put yourself first? But that changes once you have kids regardless of if you have them at 17 or 37. YABVVVU

I feel like this puts a whole different spin on him not stepping up

No it doesnt. He was old enough to have a relationship, have sex and father a child. Hes therefore old enough to step up.

Why on earth would you even think about making excuses for him when hes treated your friend and their child so badly.

Some friend you are

Literally gazillions of men have bigger age gap relationship and your not be hand wringing over them.

work on being a better friend instead of sorting about a grown man who ha d unprotected sex and gets to walk away.

'Baby daddy'.

Yuck.

To be honest it’s none of your business how old he is, and if you yourself are mid thirties then I would expect a more mature term to be used describe him other than “baby daddy” 🤦🏻‍♀️ You sound like a teenager!

Baby Daddy is an awful term. It minimises the role of the man. Awful.

But it makes a difference doesn't it? If someone tells you that their baby daddy isn't calling her and is always out and never sends money for nappies. If you find out that person is 21, that makes sense. It doesn't excuse it but it gives an explanation to why that might be. To not tell me that part, was a bit misleading.

Baby daddy....🙄

Yes, baby daddy, that's the term I use, the term she uses. It's a term common in my community. I'm not going to stop using it because loads of white women tell me it's wrong

'Baby daddy'.

Yeurch.

Why do you insist on calling the child's father 'baby daddy'.

It's an utterly vile term and is only 3 letters shorter than 'child's father'.

Yabu for calling the father baby daddy. Are you twelve?

Also, what's it got to do with you who your friend has sex with? She's an adult, so was he.

YABU - mostly for using the term babydaddy but also because it’s non of your business.

YABU to say ‘baby daddy’ 🙄

I'm not going to stop using it because loads of white women tell me it's wrong

Woah that escalated quickly!!

Yeah, I’m sure the baby he’s abandoned will grow up to be very understanding

There must be loads of parents 22 and under, they don’t all abandon their kids and loads of parents who are older than 22 who do. She is nothing to do with being a good parent, a bad parent, a present parent, an absent parent etc. It’s the person they are.