Friend didn't tell me the truth about baby daddy

[WhalesharkSubmarine]

Not sure if I'm being unreasonable or whether this is even an issue.
My friend and I are very close and had our ds's about three years ago. We talk everyday and have been eachother's rocks. Her baby daddy is from a different part of the world and hasn't stepped up at all since she had her ds. She's been to visit him and he's been disinterested and irresponsible. He finds it hard to find work and once she found hundreds of messages from other western girls on his phone, most of them on gap years. They broke up and she's been raising ds mostly on her own, with the odd Skype call.
Last week she mentioned to me that it was her baby daddy's 24th birthday. 24! We are mid thirties. She laughed and said he lied about his age when they first met and slept together. But surely you know if someone is 20 right? I mean her ds is 3, they were together for a bit before so he was really young when they met.
I feel like this puts a whole different spin on him not stepping up. I mean not only is he on the other side of the world, from a different culture but he's also a lot younger than us. I know that women who get pregnant at that age and younger have to grow up but I think that's partly due to biology. I think it must be hard for a young man in a different country to comprehend that there is a dc that he can't visit who needs him to get a job.
Am I just making excuses for him? I won't treat her any differently but it will affect the way I see him and his actions.

OP: 1. Your friend might not have originally known how old he was, or might not have cared.

1. He is feckless and irresponsible. Lots of 21 year olds make great fathers and are responsible and have a conscience. Lots of men in their 40s behave like total bastards.

So, ask yourself how your view if this guy was formed.

I'd be judging both of them. 'Baby daddy' is a disgraceful euphemism for these irresponsible excuses for men who spray their seed and leave. But the women who enable this behaviour are not much better. I don't think I'd want to be friends with someone who had so little self-respect.

Yes YABU regardless of his age he should have stepped up and at least tried to help.

None of your business ffs

Cor, you're good by being able to tell the colour of someone's skin from a MN post. How do you do that?

The objection is to a load of women objecting to a term that has culturally specific origins

The only person I’ve known to use that term IRL conversation was a 55 year old white woman from Shropshire.

Not sure if I'm being unreasonable or whether this is even an issue

It's only an issue for the poor kid. What are you being unreasonable about? Who cares what your friend said about his age, it's all very tiresome and none of your business really.

@katy1213 what exactly would a woman with more “self-respect” have done in this situation? She can hardly track him down and force him to pay at gunpoint.

OP, you’re being ridiculous. 20 is not a child. If a 20 year old mum abandoned her child and didn’t pay for them, people would be calling her every name under the sun. But suddenly it’s understandable because he’s a man?

Baby daddy term originated in the 90s

Says it all really!

@ThePrincessButtercup nice to see you again

@riotlady Perhaps by not becoming pregnant in a very casual relationship with a man who seems unlikely to stay the course? I doubt this 'baby daddy's' behaviour came as a huge surprise.

AroundTheWorld Baby Father has been used in the Caribbean for a lot longer.

Buttercup You understand the meaning of the word ‘origin’?

LOL, it is a term I hear almost daily. In S London. Not from 55 yo white women in Shropshire. Can’t comment on Shropshire, never been, sadly.

Four words of advice:

Mind your own business.

I don't think the age of the father makes any difference to the fact that it's so sad for the child, the whole situation.

‘Baby Daddy’ ? Grim 🤢🤢

You learn something new every day on here. I had no idea about the origin of the term 'baby daddy'. I'm amazed at some people refusing to listen to what they're being told, that it's a commonplace term in the African American/Jamaican community. I think you're just peeved that you're starting to look ignorant, and it's a stick that you can no longer use to beat the OP with.

What relevance is his age. Mind your own business

Baby daddy is used a lot in my culture too. It generally means the father of a baby whose parents are no longer in a relationship. It doesn't necessarily mean absent father. Please save your outrage for actual sexism.

Also what I will add is that in some countries, such as my dads country and the country of my friends ex, there is a long history of men not sticking around or having multiple families. Obviously this is wrong however you can see why there are issues when it comes to having dc's with some men from these countries.
It's not like this guy or my dad came to the uk and hoped to assimilate. These women went to their country and got pregnant without any knowledge of what their expectation of what a family was. My DM didn't ask my dad whether he wanted to marry her and raise me together, my friend didn't ask her ex if he was ok with changing nappies. Add into that mix that he was young, it's no wonder it didn't work out.

Baby daddy? Cringe

Speak for yourself, maybe you were selfish at 22 but I was getting ready for my second child.
I don't see why you would think any of this is your business. Have you told your friend that you think it's fair enough that she struggles on her own?

What I don't get OP, is what's it to you? What does the knowledge of an adult man's age change in your life? From what I see, absolutely nothing. You should work on being less judgemental of others especially in matters that have no effect on your life.

Are you guys here to give advice or keep yapping on about a silly throwaway phrase?

For goodness sake, are some of you really not reading the thread? It's clearly not a cringe-worthy term where the OP lives.