Friend didn't tell me the truth about baby daddy

[WhalesharkSubmarine]

Not sure if I'm being unreasonable or whether this is even an issue.
My friend and I are very close and had our ds's about three years ago. We talk everyday and have been eachother's rocks. Her baby daddy is from a different part of the world and hasn't stepped up at all since she had her ds. She's been to visit him and he's been disinterested and irresponsible. He finds it hard to find work and once she found hundreds of messages from other western girls on his phone, most of them on gap years. They broke up and she's been raising ds mostly on her own, with the odd Skype call.
Last week she mentioned to me that it was her baby daddy's 24th birthday. 24! We are mid thirties. She laughed and said he lied about his age when they first met and slept together. But surely you know if someone is 20 right? I mean her ds is 3, they were together for a bit before so he was really young when they met.
I feel like this puts a whole different spin on him not stepping up. I mean not only is he on the other side of the world, from a different culture but he's also a lot younger than us. I know that women who get pregnant at that age and younger have to grow up but I think that's partly due to biology. I think it must be hard for a young man in a different country to comprehend that there is a dc that he can't visit who needs him to get a job.
Am I just making excuses for him? I won't treat her any differently but it will affect the way I see him and his actions.

*age not she

I'm not going to stop using it because loads of white women tell me it's wrong

Racist too. Nice.

Very judgemental of you to assume everyone commenting here is white!!

Aside from that, being 21 means nothing. You have a baby, you step up. Not doing so is not a reflection on someone's age, it's a reflection on that person.

You have absolutely no idea about my ethnicity / sex.

Could be a black man for all you know.

because loads of white women tell me it's wrong

For that alone YABU and can do one.

YABU for using the term “baby daddy” in your mid-thirties.

Why do you think it has anything to do with you? It's just a minor detail you didn't know. Don't see how it effects you in any way

You sound like a really rotten friend.

Vomited a bit at “baby daddy” and a bit more at you trying to make it a race issue.

I was pregnant at 22. I managed, there was no 'stepping up', I just got on with it. I would have done the same at 15 or 35.

@DowntownAbby how? Words have different semantics depending on culture. For example 'fat' is a term of endearment in some cultures, not in British culture. No culture gets to tell another that the way they use certain words is wrong. That's another form of colonialism.

Was she a sex tourist? Picking up a younger man in a LED country and having a fling that ended in pregnancy? Hard to support the random children that being a toyboy might engender if you are reliant on sex with tourists to make a living.
It’s a non-issue, she’s one of thousands of single mothers with no supportive partner. You need to just continue being each other’s support without fretting over the origins of the child.

"baby daddy" has to be the most horrendous phrase ever. Really what these people mean is "someone I shagged a few times and wasn't really careful with contraception with".

Yuk.

Won't bother with a response to your actual question as your response to the criticism of the icky term 'baby daddy' was shocking.
I'm inclined to agree with the do one comment tbh.

It’s a common term for a man fathering children with multiple women without the expectation that he’d step up and be anything other than a sperm donor though.
Why is it an issue for posters if it isn’t one for the OP?

What a load of crap. If you say to someone "you are fat" it is NOT a term of endearment. It's personal and insulting. You are thing ing of 'phat' which is used in some cultures as approval. But it would be used in a different context.

I understood 'baby daddy' is more a term used in the US as I've only ever heard it used on Catfish (which I love).

It's not about race, although your comment about white women was racist. It's about the fact that it's grammatically incorrect.

Use 'baby's daddy', if you really must.

He's hardly a daddy though is he? Nor is the child a baby anymore, which makes the term sound stupid.
Assuming everyone is white is also stupid.

Yep, it's an 'OP can do one' from me, too.

It's a term common in my community. I'm not going to stop using it because loads of white women tell me it's wrong

If you don't value opinions on MN because they're "loads of white women", don't seek opinions on MN. Can't pick and choose!

I’ve not heard the phrase used in white communities, only Afro-Caribbean.

It’s a cultural term. Used within certain cultures, but woe betide anyone not from that culture choosing to use it.

What is this 'baby daddy' thing all about. Has mumsnet gone all Jeremy Kyle?

@AllPointsNorth thank you. There's loads of phrases that I find sickeningly immature on MN, I would never think to correct people on their choice of words. This guy is exactly what the term implies, he fathers children with women and has very little contact with them. Part of this is due to the very low wages in his home country and the amount it costs to come here. Also for him to come here my friend would have to earn over a certain amount, 30k I think! Impossible for a lot of single mums.

People in other countries have babies and pay for them. Often younger than they have them in the UK so you are absolutely making excuses for him.

The only possible excuse is if it was a financially exploitive relationship like what happens with older women travelling to Gambia. Then I have some sympathy for him.