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AIBU?

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Original poster

BF told DH about pregnancy before I did

220 replies

Namechange112349033939838319 · 08/02/2020 19:16

NC for this as it’s incredibly outing.

My bestie was with me at the time I took my test for moral support as DH was away with work, and I wanted to tell him in person. Ideally I would have waited until he was back, but I wanted to surprise him with the news!

Obviously the test was positive (yay Smile ) and I was planning to tell my DH the night he came back over a nice dinner!

My bestie came round the same day (she knew what my plan was) to pick up some stuff for her house, and was still here when DH walked in. She immediately walked over to DH and started congratulating him on our pregnancy knowing full well he didn’t know ! Angry

AIBU to be annoyed Sad? I was really looking forward to telling DH after a nice dinner together and seeing the look on his face & she stole that from me!

OP posts:
ElsieMc · 09/02/2020 10:00

I just don't get people who do this. My late dm was like this and everyone made excuses for her. I didn't tell her about my pregnancy at first for this reason and I was right because she would have taken my news away from me. What an awful person your frenemy is op. Get rid.

My dh once came home early from sea and dropped a gift at my dm's. He told her he was going to surprise me. Only he didn't because she rang ahead to tell me.

Dyrne · 09/02/2020 10:21

Namechange112349033939838319 ah yes sorry I think I read the OP originally as that you’d tested and told your DH the same day; and your friend was there. Others posted along these lines so it kind of cemented the idea in my head. I can see why you tested without him and needed support if he was away for weeks.

Agree with others - I’d be half expecting your “friend” To post a gushing announcement on fb about how she’s so excited to be an auntie now and welcome little baby x into the world. Does she have form for this - making every little thing about her? I’ve seen it happen - been to hen do’s for example where the bridesmaid makes the whole thing about her friendship with the bride rather than being about the bride in general or her relationship with the groom.

I think part of it must be a bit of panic that they may not suddenly be the most important person in the world to the bride/mum etc? So want to insert themselves into the picture at every opportunity?

speakout · 09/02/2020 10:22

I had a mother like this.

Some poeple just can't contain themselves.

I found out my sister was pregnant through school friends. My mother had told a bunch of my friends before telling me.

m0therofdragons · 09/02/2020 10:30

I'd reply to friend "well, guess I now know I can't ever share secrets with you again. I was excited too but it was my place to tell dh, not yours."

billy1966 · 09/02/2020 10:35

OP, congratulations.

She is not your friend.
She is a snake.
Reflect on the friendship and I bet this isn't in isolation.
Do not consider her for godmother, because this is a friendship that will not last.

This was completely deliberate.
I would not be replying to her answer.

Take some space.
Nobody needs friends like that in their life.

Nobody who really cared about you and had your best interests at heart would do that.

She has shown you clearly who she is.

Take that information and move on.

Wishing you well.

Janaih · 09/02/2020 10:35

Delete and block her from your life now. She's shown you who she is, as we say!

FarTooMuchWashing · 09/02/2020 11:23

Speakout - things happen. But OP should have been able to trust her friend no to steal her good news. My best friend found out before I told DH - he was working abroad - she managed not to say anything until DH knew. It’s not (or shouldn’t be) difficult to say nothing for a week or so.

cstaff · 09/02/2020 11:59

Even if you do remain friends the problem here will be that you won't be able to trust her anymore and will stop telling her things in confidence that you normally would. This will be noticed over time and as a result of this your friendship will just grow apart anyway. Sad but true. Either way it will never be the same as a result of her actions.

keeponandonandon · 09/02/2020 12:10

You need to think about this as what would happen if you needed to confide in her about something which you didn't/couldn't want to discuss with your DH?

If I was in your shoes, as sad as I may feel about ending a long friendship - I would tell her exactly how I felt and tell her I could not be friends with her any longer as she isnt a good and loyal friend.

Smelborp · 09/02/2020 12:10

I’d find that quite unforgivable.

Plumpplums · 09/02/2020 12:15

What ? No apology from her ?

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 09/02/2020 12:16

Who else has she told? You'll be getting congratulations from randomers in the street.

I think it is very unusual to take a pregnancy test with a friend rather than alone, or with your partner. I think it's only on TV that everyone else seems to know a woman is pregnant before the father does.

Lesson learned. In future do the test alone and wait for your husband to return, or tell him over Skype or something. He is just happy you're pregnant, how he was told isn't an issue for him. Which means in future whether it's Skype, a phonecall, a text, an emoji he won't care. Just let him be the first to know.

StylishMummy · 09/02/2020 12:32

Your friend is absolutely green with envy, I'd put money on it

illandBored · 09/02/2020 12:34

Hard to understand her behaviour. It’s insensitive and inconsiderate. Is she usually like that ??

I usually forgive mistakes but I’m also thinking it’s weird that she hasn’t apologised perfusely. If she as overcome with her own excitement, which is still silly, but at least now she knows what she has done right ?!

SnoozyLou · 09/02/2020 12:58

I don't think it's that weird to test with a friend, particularly if DH is away for weeks on end. I probably wouldn't ordinarily, but that isn't the issue. I do think your friend's behaviour is extremely odd though. It seems like a combination of spite, i.e. wanting to spoil your moment, insecurity, i.e. showing your husband that she knew first to establish her place in the pecking order, and possibly jealousy over your relationship and what you have going on in your life. This is a very bizarre way to treat a friend, or even just an acquaintance, to me. I just wouldn't involve her anymore.

legalseagull · 09/02/2020 13:18

I agree with snoozey. She was trying to prove she's the favourite, as she knew first. She's jealous of him and wants him to know her place. "Look at me. I knew first!"

Alsohuman · 09/02/2020 14:59

Btw my husband was fine with my friend being there when I took the test that is not the issue here so not sure why people keep bringing it up

People keep bringing it up because it’s usual for the two people most involved to know before anyone else and to have at least a few days when it’s just their secret. A lot of men would be highly pissed off by not being the first to know.

SnoozyLou · 09/02/2020 15:04

A lot of men would be highly pissed off by not being the first to know.

For what it's worth, I don't think my partner would be pissed off. He's a really laid back person.

If he found out we were having a baby and told someone else first before me though - my God! That isn't really likely though, is it Smile

I'm sure it's a lot happier and healthier being him rather than me, not getting a bee in his bonnet about everything.

Janaih · 09/02/2020 15:36

OP is the pregnant one, totally up to her who she tells first or does the test with for support.
Imo most men wouldn't give a shit whether they were first to know, they'd just be happy (or not, possibly)

illandBored · 09/02/2020 16:03

I just can’t get my head around what she was thinknt since you discussed your plans with her before he came.

Does she have DC? Does your DH like your friendship with her or is she insecure that she will be pushed out once baby comes??

Whatever it is, she seems to struggle with empathy doesn’t she. As she doesn’t seem to see the problem like we all do , because probably she didn’t hear you explain it to her like you did to us and can’t work it out for herself that this would’ve stole your romantic moment with DH ... hence no appology.

I think she seems like a thoughtless person , not someone calculated but someone inconsiderate

StealthMama · 09/02/2020 16:25

Yeah she's jealous, I've seen this before. You need to be careful if this friendship op, this will be a reoccurring pattern.

I'd suggest you make it really clear that it wasn't an ok thing to do, that both you and dh feel that way. You appreciate her support but she overstepped the privilege of your friendship.

2020newme · 09/02/2020 16:30

Why on earth was she there in your house when she knew your DH was due to arrive home?

Oh yeah, it's so she could fuck it all up for you...Angry

billy1966 · 09/02/2020 17:14

I think my husband would be perfectly fine in friend knowing before him due to the OP's circumstances BUT he would have the cop on to know only a complete selfish bitch would blurt that our and spoil the surprise.

She is transparently not your friend.

Original poster
Namechange112349033939838319 · 09/02/2020 18:24

She’s engaged but doesn’t have any DC of her own, maybe it is jealousy Sad

OP posts:
Hellbentwellwent · 09/02/2020 18:29

She’s a tit. Ffs, telling your partner you’re pregnant is a once in a lifetime, and she’s ruined it. I’d tell her you’re very hurt and let down