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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

BF told DH about pregnancy before I did

220 replies

Namechange112349033939838319 · 08/02/2020 19:16

NC for this as it’s incredibly outing.

My bestie was with me at the time I took my test for moral support as DH was away with work, and I wanted to tell him in person. Ideally I would have waited until he was back, but I wanted to surprise him with the news!

Obviously the test was positive (yay Smile ) and I was planning to tell my DH the night he came back over a nice dinner!

My bestie came round the same day (she knew what my plan was) to pick up some stuff for her house, and was still here when DH walked in. She immediately walked over to DH and started congratulating him on our pregnancy knowing full well he didn’t know ! Angry

AIBU to be annoyed Sad? I was really looking forward to telling DH after a nice dinner together and seeing the look on his face & she stole that from me!

OP posts:
FilledSoda · 08/02/2020 20:55

She sabotaged you.
It's jealousy or she's a narc or both .
I'd never speak to her again . She didn't even say sorry ffs.

HeadachesByTheDozen · 08/02/2020 20:55

I think you should do what FizzyGreenWater or rumandbiscuits suggested, and text her a combination of those. Over-excited my arse! She is is a lying and spiteful selfish cow.

HeadachesByTheDozen · 08/02/2020 20:58

@mauvaisereputation The 'friend' knew she hadn't told her husband because said 'friend' was with her at the testing, and after at home with her, before the husband even got home, so OP was with her the whole time from her finding out was is pregnant, to husband walking in the door. OP's posts make that clear.

CeibaTree · 08/02/2020 20:58

She's taken an experience from you that you'll never get back. And she did it on purpose too. That would have to be the end of the friendship for me. Do you really want someone this spiteful and calculating in your child's life?

Fredastaireatemyjamsandwich · 08/02/2020 20:59

At least you know not to trust her with any other important information. When my sister found out she was pregnant, my narcissistic Mother rang everyone whilst they phoned BIL DP’s saying ‘ooh you have to act suprised when she rings you, but DS is expecting. What a prize cow. At least I learned NEVER to trust her with any info.

Fleaminraging · 08/02/2020 21:02

I think if she has never done anything like this before and isn't one for stealing your thunder usually, I would give benefit of the doubt that she did blurt it out from excitement. Still a crappy thing to do but in the grand scheme of things it's not the end of the world. Just don't tell her anything you want kept secret like name, sex, due date etc. I wouldn't throw away an entire friendship over it though. Congratulations btw!!!

SqueakyBinders · 08/02/2020 21:02

OP - is this your first baby? If so, I think that to rob you of that moment is absolutely awful.

CeibaTree · 08/02/2020 21:02

Also why on Earth did she stay around to 'celebrate' with you? This kind of moment should be a private thing between the two parents to be - especially if your DH has been away and you haven't seen him for a while. Any idiot would know that you would want some alone time, and I can't believe that she wouldn't have known that.

NotMyFinestMoment · 08/02/2020 21:02

Tbh, she can't be trusted and she is not your friend.

God knows what else she has disclosed about you in the past that you are not aware of as clearly this isn't the first time. She sounds petty, jealous and spiteful and not someone that you should have around you or your family.

mathanxiety · 08/02/2020 21:04

What she did was incredibly rude and inconsiderate.
(However, you shouldn't have told her before your H in the first place.)

I would dump her. No way was it a case of being over excited and blurting it out.

Glad your H is over the moon regardless, and best wishes for your pregnancy Flowers

OrchidJewel · 08/02/2020 21:05

Wow but congratulations OP, how lovely, I'm glad your DH didn't seemed bothered, is he the type to replay it later?? Mine would be fuming

Id leave it till she texts you again and say 'i'm too hurt and upset to talk to you at the moment'

Move on though and enjoy this secret time with your DH. People are weird.

HeadachesByTheDozen · 08/02/2020 21:07

@Alsohuman The 'friend' was with her for support when she went to find out, so, hence the 'friend' knew first. As she said in the OP.

Alsohuman · 08/02/2020 21:09

The 'friend' was with her for support when she went to find out, so, hence the 'friend' knew first. As she said in the OP

I know that. I can read too. She shouldn’t have let anyone know before her husband. Most people don’t need “support” when they do a pregnancy test.

greasyspooncafe · 08/02/2020 21:10

Why would.she do that? Is she jealous of you?
She's blown your trust hasn't she?

ack89 · 08/02/2020 21:11

Firstly, congrats to you and your DH OP Grin

Secondly, you need to get rid of the BF. Sounds to me like she's jealous of you and DH and wanted to ruin your big moment. What is her relationship like with your DH? Maybe she has feelings for him and wanted to try and spoil this for you Hmm

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 08/02/2020 21:13

If you do decide to stay friends with this person (not going to say 'bestie' because I find that quite... ugh) could you give her a little test at the 20 week mark? Tell her you have found out the sex but DH doesn't want to know. Then 'confide' in her and see what happens.

PicsInRed · 08/02/2020 21:17

She stole you and your husband's big moment, OP, but she also gave you a priceless gift. She gave you the knowledge of what an envious, spiteful, disingenuous bitch she is - and the opportunity to avoid wasting another second of your life on her.

Helini · 08/02/2020 21:18

Shit. Sorry OP. Honestly, I'd phase her out.

Since having my DC, my childless friends have become quite distant to me as we don't have anything in common anymore. They prefer going out drinking while I get on with my friends who have young children much better because we're all on that crazy, sleep deprived, parenting journey together and just get each other.

Once your lovely DC is here, you will not miss her one bit, I promise. You will find new mummy friends and yourll wonder how you ever didn't have them as your best pals. Plus, they come with tiny little pals for your DC too!!

CoffeeWithMyOxygen · 08/02/2020 21:19

I’d reply “I don’t care how excited you were - that was my moment and you stole it. I can never get that back. You’ll be the last to know all the baby news/updates now as I clearly can’t trust you!”

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 08/02/2020 21:20

I really don't know what to make of this. For a start, I wouldn't do a pregnancy test with anyone other than my husband in the vacinity. Why did you do it with her there?

If she just got so excited, who else has she told, before she told your husband?

What sort of a friend is she in general? I'm just wondering has she form for this sort of thing or is it totally and completely out of character? I'm assuming you wouldn't trust her with something so personal if she was generally a blabber.

She is 100% wrong in what she did. But maybe in future, show your husband a bit of courtesy and let him be the first person who finds out you're pregnant.

HollowTalk · 08/02/2020 21:41

I couldn't forgive that. She wanted the moment of glory, didn't she?

You say she was there to pick up things for her home. Do you give her a lot of things?

FuzzyAtmosphere · 08/02/2020 21:44

Not sure whether to text her about it or leave it

I know you already have texted her but my advice would have been not and to never text her again. She is not your friend. She could help it and didn’t need to blurt it out at all. I’d drop her.

saraclara · 08/02/2020 21:46

There are few things that I would dump a friend for, but there's no way I could ever forgive that.

But then again, I would never let anyone know before the baby's father either. I can't imagine doing a test with a friend if I had a normal, happy, functioning relationship with the father, who would be happy at the news.

In fact if I was the father I'd be more pissed off that she KNEW first, than that she told me first.

Tellingitlikeitisnt · 08/02/2020 21:47

What a shitty thing to do

As if an adult is too excited and can’t just leave and keep their mouth shut

She is not a friend
That was a massive moment that she made all about her.

Can’t quite believe she stayed and celebrate either rather than left you both to share the moment

I would let her know how I felt and cool it off a lot

Do NOT make her godmother!

PixieDustt · 08/02/2020 21:47

What a fucking bitch!
I'd be loosing that 'friend' ASAP. Spiteful cow.