Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

BF told DH about pregnancy before I did

220 replies

Namechange112349033939838319 · 08/02/2020 19:16

NC for this as it’s incredibly outing.

My bestie was with me at the time I took my test for moral support as DH was away with work, and I wanted to tell him in person. Ideally I would have waited until he was back, but I wanted to surprise him with the news!

Obviously the test was positive (yay Smile ) and I was planning to tell my DH the night he came back over a nice dinner!

My bestie came round the same day (she knew what my plan was) to pick up some stuff for her house, and was still here when DH walked in. She immediately walked over to DH and started congratulating him on our pregnancy knowing full well he didn’t know ! Angry

AIBU to be annoyed Sad? I was really looking forward to telling DH after a nice dinner together and seeing the look on his face & she stole that from me!

OP posts:
OoohTheStatsDontLie · 08/02/2020 21:48

From your first post I thought she'd made a mistake but from your update, if she was literally just discussing with you beforehand how you were going to tell him, it does sound like she deliberately ruined the moment for you. Sorry but she is not a friend. I don't think you'll be able to get past this, at least without discussing it with her

Lozz22 · 08/02/2020 21:49

@QueenArseClangers that was the first thing that sprung to my mind. The bridesmaid who posted the pic of the wedding dress to the brides husband to be. Sort of reminds me of my ex mil who after me and my Mum had asked her not to say anything to my ex husband about the colour I had chosen for my bridesmaids dresses got out the car and got straight on the phone and told him. I hadn't wanted anyone else to know because I wanted my dress and the bridesmaids dresses to be a complete surprise for my Grandma and Grandad. Even better I never got a say in my nieces flower girl dress either because my ex SIL decided it would be used again for another wedding and didn't like the one I'd had my heart set on. I'm eloping next time it's far less stressful

OP that was a pretty shitty thing for your best friend to do and I'd be livid if someone did that to me. Although after 4 losses neither of us can get excited at a positive Pregnancy Test anymore

Greenpolkadot · 08/02/2020 21:50

She's a shit friend

KickAssAngel · 08/02/2020 21:52

Has she apologized?

If she's anything other than completely mortified and grovelling for forgiveness, I would reconsider the friendship. Maybe she is just so excited for you that she couldn't help herself, but surely she'd be really upset when she thought about her behaviour.

Bibijayne · 08/02/2020 21:54

There is no way this was not a deliberate spiteful act. She is not your friend OP. Run for the hills.

Babybel90 · 08/02/2020 21:54

I would find this unforgivable, if you do stay friends with her then don’t ever tell her anything that you want kept secret ever again.

MumW · 08/02/2020 21:56

What a mean and spiteful thing to do. I'd not be able trust her after that and what is friendship without trust.

Tell her she owes you big time and you expect her to do something really special to make it up to you - spa weekend and then drop her.
I hope she's the sort who will assume she will be a godparent and you can disappoint her in spectacular style.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 08/02/2020 22:07

Why would she do such a spiteful thing? She spoiled the moment and made it about her. Ditch the bitch.

MintyMabel · 08/02/2020 22:21

When things like this happen in movies, it’s because the friend knows the husband is about to announce he is leaving.

WhatACrockO · 08/02/2020 22:23

I wouldn't believe her. What did she actually say to your DH? Shes an absolute thunder stealing thundercunt. Congrats though! Flowers

ClubfootMaestro · 08/02/2020 22:38

That’s helpful for the OP to hear mintymabel

WhenPushComesToShove · 08/02/2020 22:42

First of all many congratulations! Re: the 'friend'... you can't trust her. She's beyond disgusting for stealing your moment. To me that is unforgivable. Friendships evolve and when you realise someone doesn't have your back and makes excuses for appalling behaviour, in my book it's time to step away and let the friendship fade.

SmallChickBilly · 08/02/2020 22:45

She sounds awful. I can't imagine how she could ever make that up to you - there's literally nothing you could say to apologise enough for doing something so shitty.

TheBeesKnee · 08/02/2020 22:57

I've ended friendships over lesser things.

I would literally never speak to this cretin again. How dare she?!

Brefugee · 08/02/2020 23:03

Blimey. I'd be reading her the riot act and keeping her at a Mr Tickle sized arm's length. And no more confidences.

Congrats on your pregnancy, though, OP.

Dyrne · 08/02/2020 23:04

Maybe she didn’t think you’d be that bothered about her “taking” that moment from you? Given that you were quite happy to have your best friend find out before the baby’s own father?

IanSomerhalderIsAGod · 08/02/2020 23:05

Omg. That's her 'excuse'?
You need a stern reply!

This was absolutely not your place to tell MY husband about MY pregnancy. If you don't back off then this friendship will be very soon nearing its expiration date.

If she has a good telling off then she might fall in line with reasonable behaviour but then again... 🤷🏼‍♀️

Russellbrandshair · 08/02/2020 23:28

Don’t trust this friend. She’s a snake and will stab you in the back at the first opportunity. Mark my words.

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 08/02/2020 23:31

Is there a back story? Is there a reason you did the pregnancy test with her present?

MulticolourMophead · 08/02/2020 23:44

I'd now be worried the "friend" will blab the news around, before OP gets a chance to tell family.

I'd dump this "friend" asap. This was clearly deliberate. Either jealous of OP and her DH, or that she's not centre of attention.

theneighbourswindchime · 09/02/2020 00:15

Reminds me of the girl who sent photos of her "best friend" in her wedding dress, at the fitting, to the groom!!!!!

Original poster
Namechange112349033939838319 · 09/02/2020 09:41

Due to disappointment in the past I wanted someone with me when I took the test - I didn’t realise it was so unusual Confused DH wasn’t due home for a few weeks and tbh I just couldn’t wait!

I didn’t reply to her last message , and she’s not sent me anything since. When I explained what had happened to DH he was annoyed too but also reminded me to focus on the positive! Wink

OP posts:
speakout · 09/02/2020 09:50

I can understand your annoyance OP, but really you broke a confidence in letting your friend know before your OH.

If you needed support while taking your test then surely your OH would have been the most appropriate person- not your BBF??

It is potentially his child.

If I was your OH I would be upset, but questioning why you wanted your friend to find out before him.

Pinkyyy · 09/02/2020 09:54

What a selfish cow.

Original poster
Namechange112349033939838319 · 09/02/2020 09:58

Btw my husband was fine with my friend being there when I took the test that is not the issue here so not sure why people keep bringing it up.

The nature of his job means he can be away for a few weeks at a time (he’s looking to change this) & he’d rather me be supported when he’s away Smile

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread