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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

BF told DH about pregnancy before I did

220 replies

Namechange112349033939838319 · 08/02/2020 19:16

NC for this as it’s incredibly outing.

My bestie was with me at the time I took my test for moral support as DH was away with work, and I wanted to tell him in person. Ideally I would have waited until he was back, but I wanted to surprise him with the news!

Obviously the test was positive (yay Smile ) and I was planning to tell my DH the night he came back over a nice dinner!

My bestie came round the same day (she knew what my plan was) to pick up some stuff for her house, and was still here when DH walked in. She immediately walked over to DH and started congratulating him on our pregnancy knowing full well he didn’t know ! Angry

AIBU to be annoyed Sad? I was really looking forward to telling DH after a nice dinner together and seeing the look on his face & she stole that from me!

OP posts:
Motherclucker01 · 08/02/2020 19:53

Of course she did it deliberately, I don't understand how you could think she didn't?!

She isn't very nice and clearly wanted to piss on your chips either because she is jealous, pissed off about something and being vindictive or is just plain nasty and can't bare other people being happy, only you know which is most likely, but whatever reason I really think you should tell her how upset you are and end the friendship (that clearly isn't actually a friendship)

nelson74 · 08/02/2020 19:54

This reply has been deleted

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krustykittens · 08/02/2020 19:56

Fuck off, Nelson

OP, it sounds like your 'bestie' can't bear anyone else being the centre of attention. She stole a pretty precious moment away from you and put herself in the middle of your marriage. No way could I continue a friendship after this.

BoomBoomsCousin · 08/02/2020 19:57

I think I would probably find that unforgivable.

Unless she has been an absolute rock for you through very difficult times I would be have to totally reconsider the “friendship” and probably drop her down to nodding acquaintance at best.

I wouldn’t text her and have a go at her. It’s not something to be argued about. She was absolutely and totally out of order and shouting at her won’t change that.

TripleSeptic · 08/02/2020 19:57

Fuck off @nelson74

OlaEliza · 08/02/2020 19:58

AIBU to be annoyed ? I was really looking forward to telling DH after a nice dinner together and seeing the look on his face & she stole that from me!

She'd be lucky to get out of my house without being stabbed. Yanbu.

laudete · 08/02/2020 19:58

Idk. As she's your bestie, I assume you've known her for a long time. Is she the sort of person who simply cannot keep a secret for 2 seconds? It is happy news and it may have slipped straight out because she was so happy for you and couldn't keep it inside. If she's usually good at keeping secrets, it's still your decision whether any extenuating circumstances make it more forgivable. Neither pregnancies nor besties are 10 a penny.

FizzyGreenWater · 08/02/2020 20:00

Nelson I'm confused, so right, the trouble only started when Great Baba Ogbogo appeared on the scene? Then he cast the spells and she came back? I think they're both gaslighting you mate, Ogbobo is a narc and your mum really needs to look harder at her role in this sorry tale if you ask me.

GimmeTheSnacks · 08/02/2020 20:01

Clearly she isn't a friend. However, I was really looking forward to telling DH after a nice dinner together and seeing the look on his face & she stole that from me! Situations like this are never just as you imagine or picture perfect like in the movies. We build them up we have little niggling feelings that something is off because it doesn't match how our heads went through it. You said he's over the moon, just think of that instead.

BoomBoomsCousin · 08/02/2020 20:01

Fizzy Grin

FizzyGreenWater · 08/02/2020 20:02

OP tell us more about the 'bestie' - because I'm thinking this really isn't a case of 'known her since we were four, always been there for each other, never any trouble' - I'm betting that this will be the latest in probably a long list of reasons why you should be getting this toxic cow OUT of your life right now.

letmebefrank · 08/02/2020 20:03

You need to ask her why she did it then say nothing until she explains. her explanation will tell you whether or not you should keep her as a friend.

TheMotherofAllDilemmas · 08/02/2020 20:04

What a shit! Is she normally that stupid? I would have got ballistic! What an idiot!

Fuckmesideways · 08/02/2020 20:04

She isn’t a friend. She has taken that moment away from you, and nothing can give it back.

I would text her, asking for an explanation. She will feign ignorance.

So it’s one of two options - either she did it deliberately or she doesn’t care about you enough to take in the fact you were sharing the news this evening.

Either way, I would dump her as a friend. I couldn’t trust her again, nor around my baby.

InAPrettyCabinet · 08/02/2020 20:04

Firstly, congratulations how exciting for you both. It's a wonderful time and I'm glad your husband is too excited to worry about how he found out.
Secondly your 'friend' saw her chance to make it about her. I'm afraid in your shoes I would be asking 'why' and then stepping back from her a bit. She does know what she's done and I'm not sure she cares.

Newschapter · 08/02/2020 20:04

@Namechange112349033939838319

Bin her.

She's a total bitch.

Is she married? Does she have DC? Do you think there's an element of jealousy?

LisBethSalander07 · 08/02/2020 20:05

Wow, she was seriously stealing your thunder.

How can you ever trust her again?

I'd text her to say how angry and upset you are, and you want some space from her to work out if you still have a friendship after this.

TheBigFatMermaid · 08/02/2020 20:05

She is no friend! If you let her stick around and get away with this,she will only get worse!

I'm fact, I'd be surprised if she hadn't already done loads of other stuff that you chose to ignore due to your longstanding friendship.

Wherearemycrayons · 08/02/2020 20:05

What an absolute cow, screams jealousy.

Congratulations!!

bobstersmum · 08/02/2020 20:06

How can you let this slide op? Take it up with her now!
Nelson, can babagogo bag me Hugh Jackman?

Mlou32 · 08/02/2020 20:06

Toxic cow. She is no friend, more like frenemy who will always be in the wings waiting to secretly trip you up while at the same time smiling and offering you sympathy. Bin her.

TheMotherofAllDilemmas · 08/02/2020 20:07

Sorry Nelson, I got lost... did you meant to say Great Baba Ogbogo impregnated your wife? No big merit there...

10FrozenFingers · 08/02/2020 20:07

Drop her now you've seen who she really is

QueenArseClangers · 08/02/2020 20:08

She sounds like the cow a while ago on Mumsnet who sent a photo of the poster’s wedding dress to her fiancé (or perhaps Facebook?). Before the wedding.

Nasty.

HeadachesByTheDozen · 08/02/2020 20:08

It sounds like your 'friend' planned it, by going over to your house and staying until he came back. She sounds spiteful and manipulative, and like she is perhaps jealous of you and wanted to spoil it for you and hurt you.

You need to read her the riot act about what a selfish spiteful bitch she is, and block her. She is not your friend, believe me, she has to have a particular amount of anger, or hate and spite for you to do this.

She planned this all. To hurt you. The question is why did she want to hurt you so badly, and are you going to dump her, walk away from her and not look back? I could NEVER trust her again. She is not on your side. She is not your friend. She did this deliberately and planned it down to the minute your DH walked in the door. That much is very clear.

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