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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Kids party cf’ers

184 replies

Partychaos · 08/02/2020 17:01

Nc for this.
Dd 5 was invited to a kids party today at the local softplay.
Proper invitation sent “you are invited to X at Y time to celebrate Z’s 5th birthday.

Several class mates have had a party at the same place and normally they have an hour on the softplay, then go to a ‘party room’ for what ever the theme is and have party food and drinks and then 30 minutes play and then back to the big table set up for adults, birthday cake/presents to get shoes, coats and a party bag. And the kids wait there if parents are picking up.

Dh took her. Arrived at the softplay and they have the gates that you need to sign in and out and pay. Dh stood in the queue to sign dd in. Man going up and down the queue saying is anyone here for Z’s party. Dh confirmed he was and the man came and stood with dh and dd and explained he was Z’s dad and would sign them in. They got to the front and the dad tapped his card to pay for dd and then continued wandering up and down the line.
When they went in it wasn’t a Booked party different parents from school were sitting at different tables. It’s a Saturday the place was rammed. The kids went and played on the softplay and just nothing happened. After an hour dd came out with 3 friends and needed a drink. None of her friends parents had stayed. Dh went asked the dad where the drinks were for the kids and apparently he just looked bemused and said well there’s a cafe over there. Dh asked what about the kids that didn’t have parents with them where were they meant to get the money from. The dad just shrugged and walked away.
Dh went to the cafe and bought all 4 girls and himself lunch and drinks (party was 11-2 and by 12.30 they were starrrrrrrrrving) a few other parents did the same for their kids and everyone sat and had lunch at different tables.
Dh phoned me to tell me what was going on and saying he was tempted to grab dd and leave but was genuinely concerned if the parents would wait for parents to come and do the pick up. I phoned two of the girls parents and told them that it wasn’t a booked party and not to worry dh had bought her kid a drink and some food but they might want to go and stay with their dd’s. I don’t have contact details of the third parent.
One of the mums went straight to the soft play and justifiably (I think) kicked off at the parents. The parents couldn’t see the problem and just kept repeating that they had paid £5.95 a head what more did she want from them.
Dh has came back £30 lighter and with a disappointed dd that there were no party bags or cake, and the class what’s app is going absolutely wild!
The whole thing just sounds absolutely bat shit crazy.

OP posts:

Gammeldragz · 08/02/2020 17:04

Yeah that didn't go well did it. I'd be pissed off too, you know kids expect food at partied and with that timing so do the parents, really should have been clear on the invitation.

CalmdownJanet · 08/02/2020 17:07

Oh come on op we needs transcripts from the class what's app!!

Original poster

Partychaos · 08/02/2020 17:09

That’s the thing if they had just said we’ll pay the kids in but it’s not a booked party so there won’t be any food or drinks and parents will need to stay.
It would have been easier for us if it wasn’t booked and we knew about it as dh could have taken the youngest too and given me a few hours to myself.

OP posts:

pelirocco123 · 08/02/2020 17:10

Oh yes very cheeky of them to pay for the kids to play ...they shoyld have probably made it clear what it was , but maybe they are all new to hosting a party and didnt realise , but its hardly cheeky fuckery

You however are cheeky f'ers for bringing your child up to be disappointed there wasnt a party bag...and not very nice for presumably slating them off on social media ...imagine the poor party child when hour kids repeat everything they have heard at school

Original poster

Partychaos · 08/02/2020 17:10

I’m not going to lie I’m screen shorting like the bad person I am. The word neglect and safe guarding is being bandied around now

OP posts:

OralBee · 08/02/2020 17:11

Yep, it should’ve definitely been on the invitations that only entry is included and parents would need to stay to provide food and drinks or leave money. Also would’ve been helpful to know as, like you say, you could’ve paid yourself for siblings to go as well.

SquashedOrange · 08/02/2020 17:11

I think the real 'villains' are the parents who happily left their young children at a soft play, with no idea about who was looking after them

PatchworkElmer · 08/02/2020 17:11

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with this per se (we’re going to one next Sunday like it). BUT it’s poor form if you do it over lunch and don’t provide food, and also not letting parents know before about the arrangement is downright irresponsible.

Floralnomad · 08/02/2020 17:14

It is actually appalling because they should have ensured that every child had a responsible adult with them for the duration of the party , I just feel sorry for their child .

CalmdownJanet · 08/02/2020 17:15

I am very unimpressed you are holding out on us!! How did it come up on what's app and who is saying what? Are party parents on there?

They definitely should have been clear on the invites, I wonder is it their first party and are they just a bit clueless?

LuluBellaBlue · 08/02/2020 17:15

Id be furious if I’d dropped my child off only to find out they had t been offered drinks or anything.
I do think I’d check beforehand but maybe if dad was at the door collecting them and paying for them to go in you wouldn’t have realised

DamnItsSevenAM · 08/02/2020 17:17

I think the set up itself is fine (inviting friends to meet at soft play to celebrate) but to not make it clear that it WASN'T in fact a party and that no food, drink or supervision would be provided, is really shit behaviour, especially with 5 year olds.

ClubfootMaestro · 08/02/2020 17:18

Hmmm not good hosting, it should have been made clear. However I agree with PP that at age 5, you shouldn’t leave your child alone at a soft play party without checking the arrangements for supervision.

Gustavo1 · 08/02/2020 17:19

Surely no one would just drop their child who is presumably 4-5 at a party and leave without a little scout of the situation

babybythesea · 08/02/2020 17:20

I also think it’s not cheeky fuckery, not sure why but it doesn’t quite fit that for me.
However, I would be seriously unhappy. They may have paid for the kids to get in, but if they’ve given no thought to what will happen to the kids once they are in there then that’s a huge issue. Maybe it’s massively crossed wires - they expected parents to stay and many didn’t. But surely once you have been told that children are in there by themselves you stir yourself and do something. Not just from a food angle, but from a safety angle. The children are in there because you asked them. If you know parents aren’t with them, they are your responsibility, even if you aren’t expecting it or happy about it. The crossed wires I could understand, the shrugging and walking away I could not. Just because you have paid for the kids to get in, doesn’t mean your responsibility to them ends there. Maybe people should have checked. But they didn’t and it wasn’t clear - so the party dad should have stepped up.

Bumfuzzled · 08/02/2020 17:23

I agree it wasn’t the best situation but I’d be more at the parents who dumped their 4/5 year olds at a kids party.

No one I know would do that without prior checking that there would be an adult there they knew well and who was happy to look after them. They sound like the real CFers.

Original poster

Partychaos · 08/02/2020 17:23

The mum that I phoned put a message out just saying she had been informed it wasn’t a booked party so anyone that had just dropped their kids off might want to go and stay with them as there was no food or drink for the kids. Several parents have commented saying if they had known they would have taken cash or cards with them to buy lunch or fed their kids before they went.
One of the dads is furious that they weren’t told that adults had to stay and that any of the kids could have left the building and no one would know. Several people have advised of the sign in sign out system.
For the pp who said dd shouldn’t expect a party bag- she’s 5 she has been to about 15 parties where there was a party bag therefore she expects a party bag. Not because she’s mercenary but because she is 5!

OP posts:

PuppyMonkey · 08/02/2020 17:24

Lesson learned here for the drop and runners.

Deadringer · 08/02/2020 17:24

That's not a party, it's just a meet up really. If that's what was on offer they should have made it clear, and 11 to 2 is very long for children to be running around without a drink or anything.

KindnessCrusader · 08/02/2020 17:24

We live hand to mouth and we wouldn't have been able to buy our own child lunch let alone others. We would have have to leave. This was really poor form on the party parents part. Your Husband did a really kind thing.

TheGirlWithAPrince · 08/02/2020 17:25

Its cheeky as its not the normal thing to do, fair enough if thats what they want then they needed to mention it on the invite, although i also would not have left my child under 10 alone at a party in a softplay place.

But i would at least at the minimum expect either free drinks or to be told that no food or drink was provided.

Wifeofbikerviking · 08/02/2020 17:26

I think they should be been clearer on the invite. And stated parents must stay and supervise their children.

I'm taking my son to one next weekend that's not paid for, no food or drink provided but there will be a birthday cake. Its saturday afternoon so I'm really not looking forward to it but shes lovely as is her daughter and I know shes not got much money right now so will go, smile and hope they have a nice time.

user1493413286 · 08/02/2020 17:28

I wouldn’t be impressed; it’s not fair on kids to be running round soft play for 3 hours with no food or drinks especially when it’s over lunch time. They could easily have said what was happening and let parents decide how they wanted to work it.

Original poster

Partychaos · 08/02/2020 17:28

Talking to another mum and the mum, dad and birthday girl were all outside when the vast majority of people arrived at 10.50. The parents dropping off left the kids with the parents and a bunch of their friends presuming they would all be going in together. The parents all checked they were ok to drop and leave and the parents said they were. If they had of said I’ll keep an eye on them but we have provided food or drinks what would you like us to do I think the parents would have stayed or left money with another parent for their kids.

OP posts:

JingsMahBucket · 08/02/2020 17:29

Yeah, the parents screwed up. I hope they don’t get too crucified though.

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