Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kids party cf’ers

184 replies

Partychaos · 08/02/2020 17:01

Nc for this.
Dd 5 was invited to a kids party today at the local softplay.
Proper invitation sent “you are invited to X at Y time to celebrate Z’s 5th birthday.

Several class mates have had a party at the same place and normally they have an hour on the softplay, then go to a ‘party room’ for what ever the theme is and have party food and drinks and then 30 minutes play and then back to the big table set up for adults, birthday cake/presents to get shoes, coats and a party bag. And the kids wait there if parents are picking up.

Dh took her. Arrived at the softplay and they have the gates that you need to sign in and out and pay. Dh stood in the queue to sign dd in. Man going up and down the queue saying is anyone here for Z’s party. Dh confirmed he was and the man came and stood with dh and dd and explained he was Z’s dad and would sign them in. They got to the front and the dad tapped his card to pay for dd and then continued wandering up and down the line.
When they went in it wasn’t a Booked party different parents from school were sitting at different tables. It’s a Saturday the place was rammed. The kids went and played on the softplay and just nothing happened. After an hour dd came out with 3 friends and needed a drink. None of her friends parents had stayed. Dh went asked the dad where the drinks were for the kids and apparently he just looked bemused and said well there’s a cafe over there. Dh asked what about the kids that didn’t have parents with them where were they meant to get the money from. The dad just shrugged and walked away.
Dh went to the cafe and bought all 4 girls and himself lunch and drinks (party was 11-2 and by 12.30 they were starrrrrrrrrving) a few other parents did the same for their kids and everyone sat and had lunch at different tables.
Dh phoned me to tell me what was going on and saying he was tempted to grab dd and leave but was genuinely concerned if the parents would wait for parents to come and do the pick up. I phoned two of the girls parents and told them that it wasn’t a booked party and not to worry dh had bought her kid a drink and some food but they might want to go and stay with their dd’s. I don’t have contact details of the third parent.
One of the mums went straight to the soft play and justifiably (I think) kicked off at the parents. The parents couldn’t see the problem and just kept repeating that they had paid £5.95 a head what more did she want from them.
Dh has came back £30 lighter and with a disappointed dd that there were no party bags or cake, and the class what’s app is going absolutely wild!
The whole thing just sounds absolutely bat shit crazy.

OP posts:
BigChocFrenzy · 08/02/2020 19:28

A birthday party should always have food, drink & cake

The hosts should have provided this - at their own home if money is short and forget the softplay

TrippingOnSunshine · 08/02/2020 19:30

No personally clubfoot I would not drop my 5 year old at a public soft play and leave.
But op says in her update that only 4 were unsupervised. I'm famIliar with the other kids in dds reception class so between myself and the other mums we would've kept an eye on the drop n' runners kids.
I'm also aware that if some parents couldn't dn'r their kids wouldn't be able to attend parties for example if they have other kids and no childcare.

greathat · 08/02/2020 19:35

My ds had a soft play party for his 7th bday. No one dropped and ran. CFs are the ones that left their 5 year olds with adults they clearly didn't know very well. When else would you consider doing that?! Only with someone with a dbs check like a teacher!

EerieSilence · 08/02/2020 19:35

@bananahood with a whole class I would ask some parents to stay to help me out.
TBH, I have never invited a whole class, 12 children max.

PegasusReturns · 08/02/2020 19:35

The soft play where I live gives all party attendees a coloured bib and they’re supervised by employees as well as the host parents. There’s a party room and regular check ins so no way a child could get lost.

I’m assuming from this thread this is not in fact the norm?!

HeadachesByTheDozen · 08/02/2020 19:36

ClubfootMaestro One would expect parents wouldn't arrange that type of party if they couldn't handle it? And/or like a PP said, aunts and uncles? shrugs I'm so glad I grew up in the 80s, I cannot imagine any parent staying, it would be considered intrusive and insulting, as if you don't trust the host. And even at that age, most of us wanted our parents to go and not stay. I am truly glad I am not a kid in this helicopter era, or a parent of a young kid any more. Tbf I find this all (helicopter parenting) all absolutely bloody ridiculous and over-dramatic. How the hell did I survive or my 2 children survive? Or all the rest of my generation survive? Ridiculous.

UndertheCedartree · 08/02/2020 19:37

Very poor communication by the parents. And the poor kids with no parent there that didn't get a drink let alone lunch.

One year when I had little money we met up at Soft play with a few friends for DS's birthday. So not an actual booked party. But that was clear from the outset. It was a couple of hours in the afternoon so not over a meal time. I had a big jug of squash for the kids and a packet of crisps each. I made fairy cakes for the children to take home and some small chocolate bars for them to pick from.

As long as the time for the parents to pick up was clear I don't see it as a safeguarding issue. They would be off around the soft play whether an official party or not.

By the way I don't think there is anything wrong with your DD 'expecting' a party bag or cake. Of course they expect it if at every party they go to there are party bags and cake! That's not the same as of course teaching them not to demand a party bag or getting in a strop if there isn't one. Most kids love a party bag and nothing wrong with them being a little dissapointed if there wasn't one.

Sally872 · 08/02/2020 19:38

I understand it is normal to leave, but not at the carpark surely??? If they passed the entrance they would have realised the set up.

I agree drop and run is usually fine, but I do stop the car check we are at the right place and say hello to host.

Letsnotusemyname · 08/02/2020 19:44

Your dh seems a decent and responsible bloke.

Sounds like a pissup in a brewery - but with no food or drink.

Original poster
Partychaos · 08/02/2020 19:45

@bananahood

Sorry to crash your thread but wonder if anyone can answer this. We're doing a whole class soft play party for the first time next week and I'm now wondering, if parents choose not to stay how do I know if they've collected their kid?! Do I need to make a list to tick them off as they go?

Normally at this softplay for booked parties each kid is signed in by the staff and you get a list of the kids. Kids play for an hour on the softplay and are then called over the tannoy to come to the party room. Each kid is ticked on the list by a staff member to get in the party room so you know you haven’t missed anyone. They eat and do an activity in there. Then they play and at the end they are called by tannoy again to come for birthday cake. Most parents at that point check the kids against the list and make sure they have everyone. The parents that have stayed take their kids and the ones waiting for parents stay with the birthday boy/girl at the big table.
We went to one a few weeks ago and one of the parents had labeled party bags. Any kids that didn’t show their bags were put to one side. Hand the bags out and if you have any left you know a kid is still on the softplay somewhere.

OP posts:
Heckythump1 · 08/02/2020 19:48

Went to a 4th birthday party at a soft play centre recently... So nursery age 3 and 4 year olds.
One little 3 year old was brought in by Mum and the Mum just disappeared! Didn't even ask if she could leave the poor child!
Child proceeded to sit and cry as obviously realised she was the only one without Mummy there!
None of us knew her Mum but party Mum managed to track her down on Facebook and got her to come back!

DiegoSaber · 08/02/2020 19:53

ClubfootMaestro One would expect parents wouldn't arrange that type of party if they couldn't handle it? And/or like a PP said, aunts and uncles? shrugs I'm so glad I grew up in the 80s, I cannot imagine any parent staying, it would be considered intrusive and insulting, as if you don't trust the host. And even at that age, most of us wanted our parents to go and not stay. I am truly glad I am not a kid in this helicopter era, or a parent of a young kid any more

I'm raising young kids currently, but in a country where birthday parties for kids are basically parties for both the kids and their parents (barbecues, beers, wine, snacks, soft plays, entertainers, costumes, cakes, etc.) and personally I think that's the best of both worlds. All the kids get to play and the parents all get to know each other well and the siblings go too, etc. It's a whole family thing. Much nicer than this culture of "oh god I wouldn't want to be there" that is clearly reflected in young kids thinking "oh god I wouldn't want my parents there"

nelson74 · 08/02/2020 19:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SoloMummy · 08/02/2020 19:56

I'm afraid that I blame the parents that dropped their children off. They are who has turned this into a potential safeguarding mess. They should have been there looking after their 5 year olds. I mean who thinks a 5 year old left alone at a soft play party - organised or not - is appropriate?

Sceptre86 · 08/02/2020 19:59

My dn had a soft play party for his 5th birthday. They had exclusive e use of the small softplay venue for 2.5 hours and lay on a spread of sandwiches, cake, crisps, chocolate and yoghurts. There was an extra tray for parents as the party was over lunchtime. Most parents did stay however a few with older or younger kids left.

I would expect some basic party food and homemade would be absolutely fine. If parents are not going to cater though the invite should be absolutely clear. My babies are 3 and 2 so it will ba a while for before we have this type of party but I would have probably left my lo's rucksack with a drink and crisps in so at least they had some
something to much on. It was nice of your dh to make sure some of the other kids got fed though!

SlapItOn · 08/02/2020 20:00

@nelson74
Thanks for the info! Good luck with your wife Hmm

3teens · 08/02/2020 20:15

For all my kids, any soft play party they have attended has been exclusive to the party booking. So only invited kids are there.
I've only left mine when I knew the parents.
Not feeding, or even hydrating, kids is just wrong. My dd5 was at a party today and is at another tomorrow. I wouldn't have been able to buy her anything as dp was out shopping with my card.

NarwhalsNarwhals · 08/02/2020 20:18

Parents left their kids at a 5th birthday party without checking this out?! My DC's 5th birthdays the parents all stayed or asked another parent to watch their kids.

There is nothing wrong with running a party the way these parents have but they should have made it clear they weren't feeding them.

letmebefrank · 08/02/2020 20:22

Very irresponsible of the birthday kid's parents to have done it this way without a heads up about the fact that it wasn't actually a 'party'. They'll be slated and rightfully so by other parents.

FraglesRock · 08/02/2020 20:24

I used to run off a list for the party. Tick them in and if parents are leaving ask them to write their mobile on the sheet. Then it's clear who's in the building.
I do like the tabard idea

CameronG · 08/02/2020 20:37

Five is far too young to be left at a party at the softplay. There may be some party set ups where it’s ok eg at that age eg a party at someone’s house but there is absolutely no way I would leave my five year old at a soft play party on her own.

A boy in my five year olds class had a birthday party a couple of months ago in the local (large) soft play. Two parents dropped and ran and the host parents were horrified! Especially when the party boys mum ended up having to take the wee girl to the toilet because she wouldn’t go in by herself.

Ithinkitcouldbeme · 08/02/2020 20:53

The real CFs are the parents who didn’t pay your DH back for buying their kids lunch!

JosefKeller · 08/02/2020 21:24

They keep an eye on all the guests, surely, make sure they're all playing happily, no-one's getting over-excited or being a bit rough, no-one's being left out?

no, that's up to the parents to look after their own kids, that's why the parents are staying!

ShinyGiratina · 08/02/2020 21:28

The "hosts" were unreasonable not to make the set-up clear, not to provide any refreshments (and kids really need them at soft play) and to pass on the cost back to unsuspecting parents at higher cost than the bit extra that a party package costs compared to normal admission (particularly over lunch time).

I tended to stay at parties, soft play being the easier set up as I can pay for the admission of the spare sibling. Sometimes I have had to drop and run because the party was not suitable for a sibling (avoiding gate crasher CFery) and DH was not always avaliable (or indeed in the country) to share the load. Having been through the class party phase twice, generally parents chose to stay, normally because they wanted to, but there was some lift sharing and drop and running too. The only times I've raised my eyebrows at party CFery was the parent who never responded to the invitation then sent the child with another child (causing me to pay ££ extra as I'd already paid up days earlier) and the one flip flopping until asking if child could still come two hours before the party started. Funnily, neither ever invited DS to a party if they ever hosted one.

DS1's last "party" was a cinema trip with food after, what the party involved was clear, and the basic elements of entertainment and refreshment provided (and transport!) No problems as it was all transparent.

mollypuss1 · 08/02/2020 21:30

If my kid is invited to a party over lunchtime I 100% expect her to be fed and watered unless I’m told otherwise beforehand. If I have to buy her lunch and drinks on top of buying a present, card, paper and a couple of overpriced coffees while I’m there then I’d be well pissed off. I’m baffled anyone thinks it’s ok not to provide food and drinks for the kids at a party which spans lunchtime.