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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kids party cf’ers

184 replies

Partychaos · 08/02/2020 17:01

Nc for this.
Dd 5 was invited to a kids party today at the local softplay.
Proper invitation sent “you are invited to X at Y time to celebrate Z’s 5th birthday.

Several class mates have had a party at the same place and normally they have an hour on the softplay, then go to a ‘party room’ for what ever the theme is and have party food and drinks and then 30 minutes play and then back to the big table set up for adults, birthday cake/presents to get shoes, coats and a party bag. And the kids wait there if parents are picking up.

Dh took her. Arrived at the softplay and they have the gates that you need to sign in and out and pay. Dh stood in the queue to sign dd in. Man going up and down the queue saying is anyone here for Z’s party. Dh confirmed he was and the man came and stood with dh and dd and explained he was Z’s dad and would sign them in. They got to the front and the dad tapped his card to pay for dd and then continued wandering up and down the line.
When they went in it wasn’t a Booked party different parents from school were sitting at different tables. It’s a Saturday the place was rammed. The kids went and played on the softplay and just nothing happened. After an hour dd came out with 3 friends and needed a drink. None of her friends parents had stayed. Dh went asked the dad where the drinks were for the kids and apparently he just looked bemused and said well there’s a cafe over there. Dh asked what about the kids that didn’t have parents with them where were they meant to get the money from. The dad just shrugged and walked away.
Dh went to the cafe and bought all 4 girls and himself lunch and drinks (party was 11-2 and by 12.30 they were starrrrrrrrrving) a few other parents did the same for their kids and everyone sat and had lunch at different tables.
Dh phoned me to tell me what was going on and saying he was tempted to grab dd and leave but was genuinely concerned if the parents would wait for parents to come and do the pick up. I phoned two of the girls parents and told them that it wasn’t a booked party and not to worry dh had bought her kid a drink and some food but they might want to go and stay with their dd’s. I don’t have contact details of the third parent.
One of the mums went straight to the soft play and justifiably (I think) kicked off at the parents. The parents couldn’t see the problem and just kept repeating that they had paid £5.95 a head what more did she want from them.
Dh has came back £30 lighter and with a disappointed dd that there were no party bags or cake, and the class what’s app is going absolutely wild!
The whole thing just sounds absolutely bat shit crazy.

OP posts:
MoaningMinniee · 08/02/2020 17:56

Once the girls started school standard practice was to escort children into party and ask the hosting parents if it was okay to leave them or would they prefer it if I stayed. Sounds like at least some of the parents did exactly this, and were told it was okay to go. In which case the hosting parents aren't so much CFs as utter blithering fools.

Babybel90 · 08/02/2020 17:58

If they wanted a meet up they should have only invited a few kids and made it clear that’s what it was. A party, especially over a mealtime should have drinks, food and a cake, and everyone knows little kids love a party bag!

Itwasntme1 · 08/02/2020 17:58

It is normal etiquette to feed and water guests at a party, especially one that runs over lunch time.

Hosts displayed poor manners. Also poor birthday girl - I am sure she didn’t even get to see some of her guests.

ClubfootMaestro · 08/02/2020 18:00

I think “cruel” and “sick psychological game” is a bit much

Ellie56 · 08/02/2020 18:00

Well that wasn't a party was it? Hmm

JessJonesJumps · 08/02/2020 18:01

I think they weren't clear enough on the invites. But I think the cfers were the parents who just dumped their 5-yr-olds. I can't believe they're trying to blame the party parents for the chance their DCs (who they left unattended) could have wandered out of the party. That's always the case at soft play parties whether the parents provide cake or not.

Very few people here would drop and run with 5-yr-olds at a busy softplay on a Sat. When we had a soft play party at that age only two parents left and that was because one of them had to work and the other had a sibling in hospital.

mummyrocks1 · 08/02/2020 18:03

That's not good of the party hosts. Pretty irresponsible. However, I think the parents who dropped and left were irresponsible too. Especially outside the venue expecting the party hosts to supervise them all inside. I wouldn't drop and go with my 5 yo without making sure they were signed in and secure in the building, I knew the set up of the party and dd was happy for me to go and I knew she was with friends. I would also make sure I knew the parents knew I was going to check it's ok to look out for dd. I think they were both at fault.

Mummy0ftwo12 · 08/02/2020 18:05

It is unusual and sounds like the parents messed up, but that was still a five year old's special day - and small children look forward to this, and they are forgiving, so tell your lO that no party bag on this occasion and its not a given but wasn't it fun meeting up with their friends at soft play.

And I hope the birthday child had a lovely day.

PegasusReturns · 08/02/2020 18:07

Once school age it’s drop and run.

Anyone with an ounce of common sense understands the format of a soft play party. This was not a party.

IggyAce · 08/02/2020 18:08

They should have made it clear in the invites that it wasn’t a booked party. They should have a least provided jugs of juice.
I’m sorry but you don’t leave a 5 year old at a soft play party. We had one for ds’s 8th birthday and all parents stayed, their choice I was happy for them to drop and go.

SecretMillionaire · 08/02/2020 18:08

Birthday parents should have been clearer on the invite as it isn’t unreasonable to expect food and drink when the time crosses through lunch.

It is unreasonable to me that any parent would drop and run when their child is only 5.

yogo · 08/02/2020 18:09

Have the not party parents replied in the WhatsApp?

HmmIsThisAGoodIdea · 08/02/2020 18:10

It's really interesting how just a week or two ago there was a thread on AIBU where most parents said they dropped and ran at this age, now all of a sudden it seems to be the opposite!

I agree that the 'hosts' were CFs and equally that the other parents shouldn't have just dumped their children. I was at a soft play centre just recently when the police turned up because a child had gone missing and it was a frightening experience. (The child was found eventually - they managed to get themselves locked in an office!!) Did the host parents even have contact details for everyone in case one of the children had an accident or went missing? What on earth would have happened? Incredibly irresponsible all around.

Original poster
Partychaos · 08/02/2020 18:11

Around here it tends to be from 5/6 that parents drop and run. Some of the kids like dd are not ready to be left yet. Out of about 25 kids there were 4 that were left without an adult.
People have thanked the parents for inviting them and wished the birthday girl a happy day.
I don’t think it was done at all maliciously just not well thought out.
I’ve been to at least 6/7 parties that the mum has been at too with her daughter, but I’ve never met the dad.
There is another class party tomorrow 🙄 and it’s my turn to go so we shall see what happens there.

OP posts:
Deadringer · 08/02/2020 18:13

In some places drop off parties are common, in others, almost unheard of. That's never here nor there. A party, by definition, is hosting a gathering that usually includes entertainment, food and drink. This was not a party.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 08/02/2020 18:14

If you drop your kids at a party aged 4 and 5 with no clue who is looking after them then quite frankly you're the problem
These threads really do generate plenty of froth don't they

GreenTulips · 08/02/2020 18:15

This sounds like an accident waiting to happen! What is everyone dropped and left?
Toilets? Food allergies? Drinks?

Sounds awful.

Are these parents in the WhatsApp group?
Have they responded?

Drum2018 · 08/02/2020 18:18

Bad hosting and complete lack of communication. However I would have directed all those thirsty and hungry kids to the party child parents. No way would I have paid for their drinks/lunch.

TheGreatWave · 08/02/2020 18:18

Yes the CF's are the "drop and run". I would never drop and run in a busy soft play especially at 4/5. I did do one for dd1 6th and I think some parents left but it is a tiny soft play and fairly quiet. Dd2 went to at 8th party at a massive one and we stayed.

Should have explained better though.

On a side note does anyone open these threads with bated breath incase it is about their party that they have just hosted.

WheresMyChocolate · 08/02/2020 18:22

We've done this, had a party but not official party, at soft play. I don't like the organised parties at ours as they make the kids wear minging tabbards that have never seen a washing machine. But we put it on the invitations, put tables together so we were clearly a group, we bought food and drinks for all the kids, and it meant they could stay for as long as they liked with their parents afterwards (it's approx £20 entry here so people make the most of it). So long as parents know it's not a problem.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 08/02/2020 18:24

I wouldn’t want to supervise more than 4 5 year olds at a soft play party that wasn’t exclusive use. I would potentially ask another guest’s parent to supervise my child, but not the party parent, I’d think they had enough to be getting on with.

Party parents definitely should have made it clear there was no food or drink. I expect you’re only allowed birthday cake if you’ve paid for a party.

74NewStreet · 08/02/2020 18:25

Don’t most soft play places charge by the hour? This guy deliberately paid for three hours per child? Confused

SibylDeWinter · 08/02/2020 18:28

Host of a party are not offering free childcare for the CF, and have better things to do than help out with toilet runs, problems when they have to manage the actual party.

But it doesn't sound as if they were managing the party. If you're the host, whatever age your guests are, you offer them food and drink, you interact with them, you arrange games or activities as appropriate, you make sure all your guests are happy and comfortable and enjoying themselves. Doesn't sound as if the hosts did any of that.

Bluntness100 · 08/02/2020 18:29

Who the hell just turns up to a softplay party like this, drops their five year old and fucks off out of it, expecting thr parents to try to supervise all those kids, and then even worse fucking feed and water them as well. Like some form of free child care.

That's proper cheeky fuckery that is. What are they seriously trying to imply they felt that these poor sods had to look after all these kids on their own at soft play?

Clearly the parents felt the parents would not drop and run and be there to buy their kids refreshments if required and they would pay entrance. I doubt they thought some absolute cheeky fuckers would drop their kids off, run, and then complain.

Honestly how entitled can you get. And then the whole. Oh gosh I came out without my card or cash thing. Aye you did.

user1471449295 · 08/02/2020 18:31

The invitations should have been SO SO clear that it was not a ‘party’, but a meet-up. Party parents have messed up here.