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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Kids party cf’ers

184 replies

Partychaos · 08/02/2020 17:01

Nc for this.
Dd 5 was invited to a kids party today at the local softplay.
Proper invitation sent “you are invited to X at Y time to celebrate Z’s 5th birthday.

Several class mates have had a party at the same place and normally they have an hour on the softplay, then go to a ‘party room’ for what ever the theme is and have party food and drinks and then 30 minutes play and then back to the big table set up for adults, birthday cake/presents to get shoes, coats and a party bag. And the kids wait there if parents are picking up.

Dh took her. Arrived at the softplay and they have the gates that you need to sign in and out and pay. Dh stood in the queue to sign dd in. Man going up and down the queue saying is anyone here for Z’s party. Dh confirmed he was and the man came and stood with dh and dd and explained he was Z’s dad and would sign them in. They got to the front and the dad tapped his card to pay for dd and then continued wandering up and down the line.
When they went in it wasn’t a Booked party different parents from school were sitting at different tables. It’s a Saturday the place was rammed. The kids went and played on the softplay and just nothing happened. After an hour dd came out with 3 friends and needed a drink. None of her friends parents had stayed. Dh went asked the dad where the drinks were for the kids and apparently he just looked bemused and said well there’s a cafe over there. Dh asked what about the kids that didn’t have parents with them where were they meant to get the money from. The dad just shrugged and walked away.
Dh went to the cafe and bought all 4 girls and himself lunch and drinks (party was 11-2 and by 12.30 they were starrrrrrrrrving) a few other parents did the same for their kids and everyone sat and had lunch at different tables.
Dh phoned me to tell me what was going on and saying he was tempted to grab dd and leave but was genuinely concerned if the parents would wait for parents to come and do the pick up. I phoned two of the girls parents and told them that it wasn’t a booked party and not to worry dh had bought her kid a drink and some food but they might want to go and stay with their dd’s. I don’t have contact details of the third parent.
One of the mums went straight to the soft play and justifiably (I think) kicked off at the parents. The parents couldn’t see the problem and just kept repeating that they had paid £5.95 a head what more did she want from them.
Dh has came back £30 lighter and with a disappointed dd that there were no party bags or cake, and the class what’s app is going absolutely wild!
The whole thing just sounds absolutely bat shit crazy.

OP posts:

gamerwidow · 08/02/2020 18:33

I don't think the parents were wrong to just pay entry for the kids if they couldn't afford to hire the party room but they were very silly not to tell everyone clearly what they were doing.

If they had said we're paying everyone's entry fee but it's not catered and we need you to supervise your own children everyone would have known exactly where they stood.

They were probably equally horrified when all the parents went home leaving them with the kids to supervise on their own. Thank goodness your DH stayed.

CalamityJune · 08/02/2020 18:34

Should have been made clear but surprised at the idea of dropping children of that age off at the door of a soft play party then just leaving. I don't think I would be happy looking after more than 3 or so, especially if they didn't know me well. As a parent I'm responsible for knowing who my child is being looked after by, if not myself.

Saturdaysnotforexercise · 08/02/2020 18:35

The root cause of all this was inviting kids to a birthday party, not a play date. People will have expectations from that - as clearly they did. The hosts are chiefly at fault here, especially the over lunch timing of it. Yes the other parents should have checked - but then it seems they did when they were met for the drop off.

74NewStreet · 08/02/2020 18:37

was genuinely concerned if the parents would wait for the parents to come and do the pickup
What does this mean, exactly? Your dh thought the host parents would sneak out before the end of the party leaving the guest children unaccompanied? So he was forced to play Sir Galahad for the sake of the poor, vulnerable children.

What utter nonsense!

SpokeTooSoon · 08/02/2020 18:40

Safeguarding???? Who drops their 5 year old at a soft play and clears off for the duration? I have a 5 year old and the only parties I’ve ever dropped and left at have been in someone’s house.

KindnessCrusader · 08/02/2020 18:43

@Bluntness100 we couldn't have afforded to buy food there, and if warned beforehand could have politely declined the invitation.

FramptonRose · 08/02/2020 18:48

Party Parents massively in the wrong for not correctly informing people what was going on.
I would have been fuming!

Saying that, I absolutely do not agree with kids being left at a party at that age, it is far too young. I remember one I bought my then 5 year old too, where a few mums left their kids (it was a soft play also) I came into the toilet to find their girls in there, and a dad who had gone in after his daughter (to be fair to him, he was on his own, clearly thought his daughter would be ok to pop to the toilet, she didn't come out, he went in after her) no bad intentions on his part, but just shows how easy it is for your kids to be in an awkward situation, what if it had been someone a bit dodgy!

FuzzyAtmosphere · 08/02/2020 18:51

At the fifth birthday parties I’ve been to, pretty much all the parents stay.

I think they were BU to have not specified on the invites that children would need to provide their own food and drink. At the very least I think they should have bought several plates of food for the children to share and pitchers of water/squash. However, I don’t think it’s uncommon for parties where it’s not private hire or for there to be a private food room, but I would guess for a fifth birthday party many parents haven’t been to many parties to know to check and likewise the parents hosting probably are inexperienced as well.

mcmooberry · 08/02/2020 18:53

I am baffled that they agreed to let some parents drop and run when it was a 3 hour event over lunchtime!
Very cheap of them. They should have invited 5 or 10 and paid for lunch.

74NewStreet · 08/02/2020 18:55

Did they realise people were dropping and running? Op says the Dad paid for her kids and “wandered off”. Sounds like he assumed her dh was staying?

Bluntness100 · 08/02/2020 19:00

Very cheap of them. They should have invited 5 or 10 and paid for lunch

That makes no sense at all, inviting five or ten and buying lunch would likely have been cheaper,

JosefKeller · 08/02/2020 19:01

If you're the host, whatever age your guests are, you offer them food and drink, you interact with them, you arrange games or activities as appropriate, you make sure all your guests are happy and comfortable and enjoying themselves.

I have never been to any kids party that didn't include food and drink, but in a soft play, the host parents don't actually do anything at all apart from bringing the cake to the table.

A soft play is not cheap for a group, so it sounds like in their head, paying for the entrance was enough for the guests. Bit weird, but CF? am not sure they are.

reginafelangee · 08/02/2020 19:04

Where I live once children start school (4.5 to 5.5) then ALL the parents leave.

If you have a party at a soft play or public venue as host you are expected to provide enough adults to cover ratios. When we've done parties like this that meant aunties and grandparents attending.

When I took my kids to parties at that age I would have spoken to the host and checked they didn't mind us leaving. Then gone.

Normal.

The host on this occasion was wrong to not communicate that food and drinks were not provided. Nor was was supervision provided.

TrippingOnSunshine · 08/02/2020 19:11

So is it right then in your update you say that out of 25 only 4 were left unsupervised?
In the first post it sounds like the majority were unsupervised.
Out of the 4 3 were your dds friends that your husband looked after and 2 of these you phoned.
It's not as dramatic as it originally sounded tbf.

74NewStreet · 08/02/2020 19:14

Yes, maybe your issue should be with the parents of your child’s three friends, who evidently just fucked off without letting party Dad know.
That’s just bloody rude.

ASimpleLampoon · 08/02/2020 19:14

In my experience even a booked party at a soft play still requires a responsible adult for each child as a soft play centre is a public place. The pre printed invitations issued by the centre I used stated that and that the invite doesn't admit a sibling and it's one invite per child. That was a great help. One friend of DDs was not invited as parents are CFs who would drop and run regardless of what the invites state.

ReallyLazy · 08/02/2020 19:16

Yeah I gotta say, drop and run from five is normal here. It would be weirder to stay. Small community, maybe that's the difference?

It is odd to host a party that isnt actually a party but a meet up. Should have been clear on the invite

ClubfootMaestro · 08/02/2020 19:19

Drop and runners - you’re comfortable with 2 parents supervising 20 or so kids at a soft play age 5? Or am I missing something?

That’s not being goady or judgy, I’m not saying you’re wrong to do so, I’m genuinely surprised and interested. My boy isn’t even 2 yet so I know nothing of this and how it would work in practice!

CigarsofthePharoahs · 08/02/2020 19:20

My local soft play would get pretty antsy about a birthday party that wasn't an official organised party. I'm surprised this one didn't cotton on.
The party parents should have been clearer about the arrangements.

SibylDeWinter · 08/02/2020 19:23

in a soft play, the host parents don't actually do anything at all apart from bringing the cake to the table.

They keep an eye on all the guests, surely, make sure they're all playing happily, no-one's getting over-excited or being a bit rough, no-one's being left out?

Weebitawks · 08/02/2020 19:23

Well the whole thing sounds bonkers but dropping and running at a 5 year olds party sounds a bit off. They'd be reception then so you don't even know the parents that well.

LucyAutumn · 08/02/2020 19:24

What a mess. Well done to your DH for looking after the other children.

bananahood · 08/02/2020 19:26

Sorry to crash your thread but wonder if anyone can answer this. We're doing a whole class soft play party for the first time next week and I'm now wondering, if parents choose not to stay how do I know if they've collected their kid?! Do I need to make a list to tick them off as they go?

FuzzyAtmosphere · 08/02/2020 19:26

They keep an eye on all the guests, surely, make sure they're all playing happily, no-one's getting over-excited or being a bit rough, no-one's being left out?

I’d struggle to recognise more than a handful of the children in DD’s reception class and being out of school uniform, with different hair styles etc would make it harder for me. I recognise more parents than I do children.

74NewStreet · 08/02/2020 19:27

Don’t give them the choice, banana

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