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AIBU?

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Original poster

Kids party cf’ers

184 replies

Partychaos · 08/02/2020 17:01

Nc for this.
Dd 5 was invited to a kids party today at the local softplay.
Proper invitation sent “you are invited to X at Y time to celebrate Z’s 5th birthday.

Several class mates have had a party at the same place and normally they have an hour on the softplay, then go to a ‘party room’ for what ever the theme is and have party food and drinks and then 30 minutes play and then back to the big table set up for adults, birthday cake/presents to get shoes, coats and a party bag. And the kids wait there if parents are picking up.

Dh took her. Arrived at the softplay and they have the gates that you need to sign in and out and pay. Dh stood in the queue to sign dd in. Man going up and down the queue saying is anyone here for Z’s party. Dh confirmed he was and the man came and stood with dh and dd and explained he was Z’s dad and would sign them in. They got to the front and the dad tapped his card to pay for dd and then continued wandering up and down the line.
When they went in it wasn’t a Booked party different parents from school were sitting at different tables. It’s a Saturday the place was rammed. The kids went and played on the softplay and just nothing happened. After an hour dd came out with 3 friends and needed a drink. None of her friends parents had stayed. Dh went asked the dad where the drinks were for the kids and apparently he just looked bemused and said well there’s a cafe over there. Dh asked what about the kids that didn’t have parents with them where were they meant to get the money from. The dad just shrugged and walked away.
Dh went to the cafe and bought all 4 girls and himself lunch and drinks (party was 11-2 and by 12.30 they were starrrrrrrrrving) a few other parents did the same for their kids and everyone sat and had lunch at different tables.
Dh phoned me to tell me what was going on and saying he was tempted to grab dd and leave but was genuinely concerned if the parents would wait for parents to come and do the pick up. I phoned two of the girls parents and told them that it wasn’t a booked party and not to worry dh had bought her kid a drink and some food but they might want to go and stay with their dd’s. I don’t have contact details of the third parent.
One of the mums went straight to the soft play and justifiably (I think) kicked off at the parents. The parents couldn’t see the problem and just kept repeating that they had paid £5.95 a head what more did she want from them.
Dh has came back £30 lighter and with a disappointed dd that there were no party bags or cake, and the class what’s app is going absolutely wild!
The whole thing just sounds absolutely bat shit crazy.

OP posts:
LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 08/02/2020 21:36

11-2 is far too long for a child to run around without access to a drink. Not to mention the kids weren't being properly supervised as you would expect at a party.

Alexandra2018 · 09/02/2020 17:48

I’ve been to one of these, I had to pay myself and my child in! I’d have preferred to have been told it was a meet up!!! My DD was fuming there was no cake or a party bag!

Oysterbabe · 09/02/2020 17:57

Yanbu. I think 5 is a bit young to drop and go when it's a busy softplay though.

Stompythedinosaur · 09/02/2020 18:01

Sorry to crash your thread but wonder if anyone can answer this. We're doing a whole class soft play party for the first time next week and I'm now wondering, if parents choose not to stay how do I know if they've collected their kid?! Do I need to make a list to tick them off as they go?

In not sure what other people do, but I take a notebook and make sure I get a list of dc who's parents have dropped off and a contact number in case of emergency. I periodically clap eyes on my own dc and the dropped off ones and check they are ok. At the end I check each one is handed back to parents.

Mrssides · 09/02/2020 18:01

Think that's pretty bad. Think if they weren't intending on having food they shouldn't have booked it over lunch time. Bad form for the other parents just dropping and running. I've only ever left my son at 1 party (he's almost 6)and it was at a friend's house, with only 8 kids and he was happy to stay on his own.

Original poster
Partychaos · 09/02/2020 18:19

Another class party today at a community centre with softplay magician and a bouncy castle.
Spoke to one of the mums that left her kid yesterday and when she dropped off her dd she took her to the front entrance and the parents and birthday girl and about 9 kids and parents were there. The parents said they were gathering everyone together so they could all be signed in together. The mum asked if they wanted parents to stay or if she could leave. The birthday mum assured her she was fine to leave so she stood with her daughter until they went through the doors and then left.
Birthday girl and her parents weren’t at the party today but they didn’t rsvp either way to the invite so unsure if they were planning on going prior to yesterday’s party.
All the parents stayed today

OP posts:
Emmacb82 · 09/02/2020 18:22

I’m really surprised that when walking in the drop their kids off, parents didn’t have a second thought about staying! They must have seen how chaotic and busy it was. There’s no way I would have left my 5 year old at soft play with parents that probably didn’t even recognise half of them! And kids all look the same at these places.
Hopefully a lesson learnt for the party parents, maybe they were mis sold by the soft play place, I did recently go to a party at one and the organisation was awful but at least all the kids parents stayed. But to have a party over lunch and not provide food or drinks is strange, and should have been included on the invites. Doing kids parties fills me with dread when mine starts school in September. I think I would prefer to go old school and have a tea party and games at home!

Berrymuch · 09/02/2020 18:25

YANBU, it would have been fine if it was on the invites, and need not have been a big deal, but I would have assumed the same, especially if I asked whether it was okay to go or best to stay.

Wheresthetimegone · 09/02/2020 18:27

Bit odd however
Kids only 5 - maybe the party host didn’t realise what’s “usual” for a party at the soft play.
Did he kill anybody ?
Was anybody injured ?
Was the police called ?
I’d just leave it - there’ll be some other drama soon and this one will all be forgotten .

Emmelina · 09/02/2020 18:34

Food aside - which I expect to have been made clear if they weren’t providing anything, not even drinks! where the norm is at least nibbles and orange squash... For a soft play party at 5 I’d expect to have to stay anyway. Most parents only know who three other kids are at this point, why would they want to be responsible for twenty-odd kids in a heaving soft play centre? A hired hall or someone’s house, fine, they can be left.

Urkiddingright · 09/02/2020 18:37

That’s not a party, they were just invited to play at softplay together basically. Ok so they paid for the children to play but not offering food and drink is just shocking.

Isithometimeyet0987 · 09/02/2020 18:58

Seriously though who dumps a 4/5 yo and runs?! I always check there’s enough supervision at a party before I leave dd 4, what if the parents don’t have anyone else to help them? As for the food it would be a bit annoying but not a big deal there’s a cafe. I really don’t think they’re cf.

GreenTulips · 09/02/2020 19:01

I would’ve left DD as I have other children when wouldn’t be invited.

The food is an issue as you would assume food would be provided as over lunch time - which is normal.

NoMoreUsernamesAnymore · 09/02/2020 19:08

Where I live we have many different cultures: some kid's parties are free for all , everyone welcome, more the merrier, with tons of booze for parents and they only end when the last person leaves and/or the DJ packs up. Other parties are more ... refined. Designated areas, strict times and if your name's not down you're not coming in.

But with all the differing styles, different cultures, every invite always makes it clear whether a parent is required to stay and, if not, details of how the children will be looked after, (how many adults will.be supervising), checks for food allergies and timings for food, party end time. You know, the usual obligations when you host a child's birthday party.

The hosts are irresponsible CFs. Sounds like they've never done a party before, left it too late to book and /or they wanted to do it on the cheap. None of that on its own is a problem, so long as they either make it clear that it's a turn up and fend for yourself event or they make sure they fulfil their obligations as party hosts by supervising and feeding/watering. They didn't.

Localocal · 09/02/2020 19:08

Kids party from 11-2 and no lunch? What the hell?

skyblu · 09/02/2020 19:13

I think the party parents must either be;
a) novice, first child, not really got any idea what they are doing or what the protocol is for party’s.
Or
b) have a very large family and this child is the youngest & they’re not paying for a full party (been there/done it / can’t afford it) and are VERY laid back because they’ve had 20 kids already.

(Neither is ok or an excuse.....just trying to work out why it was like that).

Figgygal · 09/02/2020 19:16

Wow that was poorly communicated by the child’s parents
Poor kid

Ouchaheadinmybehind · 09/02/2020 19:31

Well the school run is going to be fun for the birthday parents tomorrow! are they on the class WhatsApp or was a separate group excluding them set up whilst parents discussed it? Poor birthday child, I hope they don’t pick up on the drama over their party.

cherish123 · 09/02/2020 19:33

The main issue was the lack of supervision or communication (that is was just free play in the soft play). I think your dd needs to get over the lack of party bag. 3hrs is a long party. They should have provided food but I don't think your dh needed to buy them all food. It was v kind of him.

AfterSchoolWorry · 09/02/2020 19:38

Tight scabby assholes. Poor kid.

Waveysnail · 09/02/2020 20:02

Well parents messed up with that one. I think with these things you have to be perfectly clear what they are doing.

FelicisNox · 09/02/2020 20:04

YANBU.

You're either hosting a "party" or your not and if you're not doing all the bells and whistles it's fine but you do need to communicate that.

Makes you wonder what the £5.95 per head was for. I used to pay £8 per head and have entry, food and staff supervision for that.

And what is up with parents dumping their kids and leaving? That must be new.

Jabba2020 · 09/02/2020 20:21

I'm shocked that parents leave 5 year olds unaccompanied at parties, generally parents stay at all party's until year 3 here, unless the parents specifically request they don't, due to space etc.

The parents should have made it clear what the party consisted of, if it wasn't the standard format. Possibly they were unaware of this though, if its their first child. Maybe they couldn't afford an actual party and didn't think it through properly.

Pinklady1982 · 09/02/2020 20:53

I've done the same as your Dh before in a similar situation! Please tell me the mums of the children he paid to feed offered to reimburse him? I can't see that has been mentioned at all, but I do hope they had the decency to! ?

Comefromaway · 09/02/2020 21:08

I’ve been to more soft play birthday parties & hosted them than I care to remember. All were drop and run from reception age onwards.

You invite only the number of kids you are able to supervise and if you require a parent to stay (eg a swimming party) you state it on the invitation.

A parent handing their child over to the host parent is not being negligent.