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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kids party cf’ers

184 replies

Partychaos · 08/02/2020 17:01

Nc for this.
Dd 5 was invited to a kids party today at the local softplay.
Proper invitation sent “you are invited to X at Y time to celebrate Z’s 5th birthday.

Several class mates have had a party at the same place and normally they have an hour on the softplay, then go to a ‘party room’ for what ever the theme is and have party food and drinks and then 30 minutes play and then back to the big table set up for adults, birthday cake/presents to get shoes, coats and a party bag. And the kids wait there if parents are picking up.

Dh took her. Arrived at the softplay and they have the gates that you need to sign in and out and pay. Dh stood in the queue to sign dd in. Man going up and down the queue saying is anyone here for Z’s party. Dh confirmed he was and the man came and stood with dh and dd and explained he was Z’s dad and would sign them in. They got to the front and the dad tapped his card to pay for dd and then continued wandering up and down the line.
When they went in it wasn’t a Booked party different parents from school were sitting at different tables. It’s a Saturday the place was rammed. The kids went and played on the softplay and just nothing happened. After an hour dd came out with 3 friends and needed a drink. None of her friends parents had stayed. Dh went asked the dad where the drinks were for the kids and apparently he just looked bemused and said well there’s a cafe over there. Dh asked what about the kids that didn’t have parents with them where were they meant to get the money from. The dad just shrugged and walked away.
Dh went to the cafe and bought all 4 girls and himself lunch and drinks (party was 11-2 and by 12.30 they were starrrrrrrrrving) a few other parents did the same for their kids and everyone sat and had lunch at different tables.
Dh phoned me to tell me what was going on and saying he was tempted to grab dd and leave but was genuinely concerned if the parents would wait for parents to come and do the pick up. I phoned two of the girls parents and told them that it wasn’t a booked party and not to worry dh had bought her kid a drink and some food but they might want to go and stay with their dd’s. I don’t have contact details of the third parent.
One of the mums went straight to the soft play and justifiably (I think) kicked off at the parents. The parents couldn’t see the problem and just kept repeating that they had paid £5.95 a head what more did she want from them.
Dh has came back £30 lighter and with a disappointed dd that there were no party bags or cake, and the class what’s app is going absolutely wild!
The whole thing just sounds absolutely bat shit crazy.

OP posts:
Hopoindown31 · 08/02/2020 17:29

Ho ho! Clearly that family don't know the rules.

If you aren't going to stick to the standard then you need to say so. Especially if it is at a popular party venue.

SquashedOrange · 08/02/2020 17:29

I honestly just can't imagine leaving my 5yo at a packed, busy softplay with parents that I did not know very well and had not checked before hand that this was ok.

What is wrong with people? How were the party parents meant to supervise all those children anyway? Party Dad didn't even know who they were and was walking up and down the queue asking of they were there for the party.

tabulahrasa · 08/02/2020 17:30

See I can totally understand why the parents would be expecting a party and so also supervision...

But how did they drop them off without realising that’s not what was happening?

MimiLaRue · 08/02/2020 17:31

Those parents (of the party kid) are absolute morons. Its not a fcking party is it? its basically, kids that just happen to be at a soft play area at the same time. I cant believe theyre shocked people are annoyed- WTF were they thinking? idiots.

woooooo · 08/02/2020 17:32

Not CF but most definitely should have put it wasn't a party on the invitation and therefore no food or drink, just a 'meet up and play'. And if kids are young enough that a party is at a soft play centre then parents should stay with them. No way can the 'party' parents watch all those children at once.

lengthenmylutealphase · 08/02/2020 17:34

*I honestly just can't imagine leaving my 5yo at a packed, busy softplay with parents that I did not know very well and had not checked before hand that this was ok.

What is wrong with people? How were the party parents meant to supervise all those children anyway? Party Dad didn't even know who they were and was walking up and down the queue asking of they were there for the party.*

This.

But it is silly to have a birthday party over lunchtime with no lunch. And any kind of party without at least a drink a snack.

HalfBiscuit · 08/02/2020 17:34

Argh. I'm not sure if the parents of the party child are more clueless than CF.

How did they deal with the kids that had no parents there and so no money for food or drinks?

Have the party parents commented on the WhatsApp?

Bumfuzzled · 08/02/2020 17:35

The parents all checked they were ok to drop and leave and the parents said they were

Was this done at the door? I bet they felt they couldn’t say no. You don’t leave your 4/5 year old at a party unsupervised. It’s just not fair. I have a 4 year old and I and his friends parents just wouldn’t be that twatty to each other. I stand by my statement that the parents who dumped and ran were equally or possibly more CF than the “party” parents.

Formermousemat · 08/02/2020 17:35

The parents all checked they were ok to drop and leave and the parents said they were

Having seen that in your update, it does seem that they really didn't think this through very well. I don't think that was wise at all.

I'm not sure I'd call the CF, just foolish in this situation.

JosefKeller · 08/02/2020 17:37

It's CF all around

the Cf parents who dropped and run, who does that? Maybe that is teaching them a lesson.

The host, who should have worded the invitation differently, it's wasn't a "party", it was just a gathering at a soft play. Bit weird, but not completely unreasonable if you think about it.

On balance, the "drop and run" parents win the CF cup though.

PineappleDanish · 08/02/2020 17:37

I would have thought exactly the same as OP and her DH - my three have been invited to dozens of these types of parties over the years and they've all followed the same format of play, food, play, cake, home. The two we went to most frequently had a dedicated party host member of staff who met the children as they arrived and gave them a coloured sticker dot thing to identify which kids belonged to which party, she would also tell the children to find her if there were any problems.

Just paying for kids to get in and abandoning them with no food and not even a jug of orange squash to share between them is appalling. However, the positive side is that this C-Fuckery will not be forgotten. My eldest is almost 17 and he's still talking about the time a mother pitched up 90 minutes early for one of our (very few) parties at home with an airy "Oh Tarquin was just sooooo excited about the party, he couldn't wait a moment longer!" We were too gobsmacked to ask what the hell she was playing at.

And she was late collecting him too.

Catapillarsruletheworld · 08/02/2020 17:37

They should have made it clear that it wasn’t a proper party and they’d only be paying for the kids to get in. I’m sure parents would have sent their kids with at least drinks and probably money for food, if they’d have known. They also shouldn’t have had it over lunch time, when parents would expect for their children to be fed.

It’s a mistake I doubt any parent in the class will make again.

EerieSilence · 08/02/2020 17:38

Over here it's been drop off and bye ever since DD was 5 years old.
And I would be extremely put off if it weren't a booked party. Don't care about the party bags, it's just plastic shite anyway but I would expect that the parents of the child would supervise, there will be a table with drinks and food for the children.
It's something we have always done for other parents too. A proper booked party, making sure we know where the other children are, drink, food, cake.
DD is having her 10th birthday party at our house and the parents either didn't leave the car and just dropped them off at our door, waiting for us to open it and then just waved us and left. One of the girls came all on her own as she leaves few houses down, we didn't even get to see the parents.
Inviting children to a party and just pay for them to play definitely is CF in my eyes. That's not a party. Kids get thirsty, they get hungry. If I didn't manage to book a table, at the very least, I would inform the parents and told them I would buy the drinks and refreshments, cookies and the like. Also, I would make sure I knew where the children were. It's actually pretty easy to lose a child in a playcentre full of covered slides and screaming and running critters.

firawla · 08/02/2020 17:40

I think the parents complaining and going off on one are actually being awful. They should stay with their kids. If it’s a booked party it’s generally not exclusive hire anyway unless you’ve paid extra for that and maybe done it outside of peak time so their comments about safeguarding are a bit much - they happily left their kids knowing it’s open to the public. Yes, I would book the party option and do food if I was hosting myself, but it is expensive and maybe this family felt it’s a way to do a party cheaper by just paying the kids in. They also may not be really experienced with kids parties if it’s their eldest? These things happen. Would have been better to do it not over a meal time if they hadn’t provided food but I don’t think it’s the crime of the century... slagging then off across the class watsapp and making a huge deal is a worse “crime” to me than the parents “crime” of hosting a party that didn’t come up to people’s standards. They clearly tried to do something nice for their child and friends by doing a party. Take it in the spirit it would have been intended, and get a grip, surely??

Angelf1sh · 08/02/2020 17:43

I don’t think that is cf. they paid for entry which is more than fair. The only “safeguarding” issue imo is the parents who abandoned their kids without supervision. Your DH saw immediately that it wasn’t a booked event and get it was open to the public, they should have too.

DressDrama01 · 08/02/2020 17:44

Your husband was very kind. Is the parents of the birthday child in the WhatsApp?

dayowl · 08/02/2020 17:45

That’s awful I’d be fuming

Tellingitlikeitisnt · 08/02/2020 17:45

I don’t think it’s ok to drop and run when kids are only 5 tbh and probably presumptuous of everyone to assume what was being laid on.

I wouldn’t leave my 5 yo at a busy soft play even if it was a laid on party.

WhatsApp crucification of parents is very harsh.

Rhayader · 08/02/2020 17:46

They should have made it clear...

Some friends did something similar. Trampolining followed by Pizza Hut which is just round the corner but works out slightly cheaper than the party package. They told parents to pick up from Pizza Hut so there was no issue and everyone knew what was happening. Kids were a bit older too (8th party).

TrickyKid · 08/02/2020 17:48

Yanbu. Nothing wrong with not booking an actual party but they should've made it clear what they were doing.

JosefKeller · 08/02/2020 17:49

Around here softplays impose a reasonable ratio of parents with young children, nowhere would they accept to have 1 adult responsible for 20 kids, that's ridiculous, especially at 5.

Sally872 · 08/02/2020 17:50

How did the parents drop off kids without passing entrance like your dh? I am not against leaving children at parties but I do take them through the door and make sure they are ok and it is ok to leave.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 08/02/2020 17:53

Drop and run parties started at preschool where I lived at the time... By DD2s 5th birthday no parents stayed! A few stayed atDD1s 6th but it was a pool party and younger siblings joined in in the pool.

HeadachesByTheDozen · 08/02/2020 17:55

How are the parents of the guests wrong for leaving them there? Maybe I was raised differently, but where I am parents don't stay with their kids, that would be a bit ridiculous. It's a kid's birthday party! And the birthday DC's parents were there, and that is what the guests' parents would have thought. It's news to me, and I remember going to a birthday party at a popular burger joint for a neighbour's daughter when we were around 5/6. No parent stayed. It is just....not something that would have ever crossed a parent's mind.

The birthday parents however are CFs, and deserve to be torn to shreds on the WhatsApp or whatever (something we never had when I was a kid, lol). How can anyone else excuse them and feel sorry for them? They deserve all the abuse they are getting, and then some. They are cruel and clearly are playing some kind of sick psychological game with the parents and kids. I don't buy that they had no idea how a basic birthday party is run. I am sure at least one of the two parents had been to at least one birthday party when they were growing up. Unless they come from a far away country/culture, there is no way they didn't know. I hope they really get hell for it, and not just in the class, right around the school. And OP, please keep us updated on this saga as it unfolds, I am amazed that they actually did this, it's shocking!

JosefKeller · 08/02/2020 17:55

around here, parents who drop and run are surprised they don't get invited again.

Host of a party are not offering free childcare for the CF, and have better things to do than help out with toilet runs, problems when they have to manage the actual party.

it's just very rude.