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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Kids party cf’ers

184 replies

Partychaos · 08/02/2020 17:01

Nc for this.
Dd 5 was invited to a kids party today at the local softplay.
Proper invitation sent “you are invited to X at Y time to celebrate Z’s 5th birthday.

Several class mates have had a party at the same place and normally they have an hour on the softplay, then go to a ‘party room’ for what ever the theme is and have party food and drinks and then 30 minutes play and then back to the big table set up for adults, birthday cake/presents to get shoes, coats and a party bag. And the kids wait there if parents are picking up.

Dh took her. Arrived at the softplay and they have the gates that you need to sign in and out and pay. Dh stood in the queue to sign dd in. Man going up and down the queue saying is anyone here for Z’s party. Dh confirmed he was and the man came and stood with dh and dd and explained he was Z’s dad and would sign them in. They got to the front and the dad tapped his card to pay for dd and then continued wandering up and down the line.
When they went in it wasn’t a Booked party different parents from school were sitting at different tables. It’s a Saturday the place was rammed. The kids went and played on the softplay and just nothing happened. After an hour dd came out with 3 friends and needed a drink. None of her friends parents had stayed. Dh went asked the dad where the drinks were for the kids and apparently he just looked bemused and said well there’s a cafe over there. Dh asked what about the kids that didn’t have parents with them where were they meant to get the money from. The dad just shrugged and walked away.
Dh went to the cafe and bought all 4 girls and himself lunch and drinks (party was 11-2 and by 12.30 they were starrrrrrrrrving) a few other parents did the same for their kids and everyone sat and had lunch at different tables.
Dh phoned me to tell me what was going on and saying he was tempted to grab dd and leave but was genuinely concerned if the parents would wait for parents to come and do the pick up. I phoned two of the girls parents and told them that it wasn’t a booked party and not to worry dh had bought her kid a drink and some food but they might want to go and stay with their dd’s. I don’t have contact details of the third parent.
One of the mums went straight to the soft play and justifiably (I think) kicked off at the parents. The parents couldn’t see the problem and just kept repeating that they had paid £5.95 a head what more did she want from them.
Dh has came back £30 lighter and with a disappointed dd that there were no party bags or cake, and the class what’s app is going absolutely wild!
The whole thing just sounds absolutely bat shit crazy.

OP posts:

MrsBadcrumble123 · 09/02/2020 21:24

Who leaves their 5 yo alone at a busy play area with parents they hardly know?!

CountryGirl1234 · 09/02/2020 21:34

That’s bloody not on. Someone should speak up on the WhatsApp and actually say these parents have no idea what is required of hosting a party and have a word with them before it gets out of hand and the little child suffers. What was meant to be a lovely day for their child has cost them and gone horribly wrong. I’d be angry I wouldn’t leave my daughter though, obviously the anger comes from those that have and the thought of your child not being safe or watched doesn’t bare thinking about.

They need talking too. Hopefully the child isn’t at the butt end.

mylifestory · 09/02/2020 21:38

Did the party kid get anything to eat in this time I'm wondering

Harakeke · 09/02/2020 21:55

"Bad form for the other parents just dropping and running."

The OP said the parents checked whether it was okay to do so though. Why would it be bad form?!

Comefromaway · 09/02/2020 22:03

Who leaves their 5 yo alone at a busy play area with parents they hardly know?! confused

They didn’t. They left them with the parents of the birthday child at what was assumed to be a supervised, organised party at a known party venue.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 09/02/2020 22:03

To drop and run or not really depends on friendship group / area though. Most places I’ve lived have been drop and run from school age, and maybe just one or two parents who are friends of the host parents stay to help. Although my current friendship group (I home ed now) because there’s a wider range of ages more parents do stay and they’re kind of family parties. But either way food and drink is always provided. At the very least the host parents in your case should have been way clearer on the invitation what the plan was.

Rubyupbeat · 09/02/2020 22:11

@pelirocco123
Everything you said!

bigreputation · 09/02/2020 22:28

Wow! I don't have young children and have only been to one soft play party in my life but I still know that is not how to throw a party.

If they'd inviting the children to join them at soft play, said they'd pay to get in but food/drink wouldn't be provided then all fine, people can choose to do that or not. Parties are expensive so I can see that not providing food might have cut costs.

But saying it's a party, telling parents they can drop and go and then not even giving the poor kids a drink is fucking shit.

I do not buy for a moment the argument that they didn't realise this wasn't how things were done because the OP has made it clear they've been to a number of other parties before.

So either they are massive cheeky fuckers, they're completely thoughtless or someone dropped a bollock and forgot to book something.

Estheryan07 · 09/02/2020 22:46

The thing is some parents can’t afford massive parties at soft play with food etc we had 37 kids 16.50 ph at a trampoline and softplay combo party complete with food, party bags a disco and a host! Very good but stupidly expensive- this year I’m booking the church hall, a bouncy castle and doing own food! Cheap as chips and still great. I agree the parents should’ve told you though! How peculiar! Maybe too embarrassed to explain?!
One of my sons friends had a picnic in the park for a party! What an amazing idea x all the kids loved it! Just as much if not more than the £600 party that crippled me to afford!!! I’ll not do it again x

Estheryan07 · 09/02/2020 22:48

Ps I wouldn’t leave my kid unless hosting parents stated

Blackandgreenteas · 09/02/2020 23:57

The idea of them running around with nothing even to drink is awful. They should at least have water!

happiness1212121 · 10/02/2020 00:13

I have never been to a party for a 4/5 year old where you just leave them. Parents have always stayed with their children up until about age 7.
You can't expect the hosts parents to be responsible for your child - what if they choke/have an accident? Did the hosts have parent contact details?
Also I think a group of you slagging the parents of on a WhatsApp group is really mean.
Yes the parents have obviously done the party on the cheap but they might not shave much money hence no party bags.
That poor child is going to have other kids saying bad things about the party based on what they have heard from their parents.

Bluerussian · 10/02/2020 00:22

You're not unreasonable but it strikes me that kids parties are more complicated nowadays. We used to host them at home, employ entertainment if we could afford it, supply loads of food (most of which not eaten); others I knew would take a few children to Pizzahut or McDonalds when they were popular, even Wimpey Bar. We had a lovely party at the Wimpey, the staff were great and a good time had by all.

That's not good enough nowadays - but it must be for some people.

I feel sorry for the parents who hosted their child's party, they probably thought it would be OK.

Lesson learned I think.

Unfortunate but please move on, no point moaning now and it's over. The important thing is everyone had a good time - at least I hope so. Think of the child whose party it was, how embarrassed they would be if other kids went on about lack of 'entertainment', etc.

Middersweekly · 10/02/2020 07:41

I agree that the parents should have been upfront about it being a stay and play rather than a party just so that parents were aware they would have to provide their kids food and drink but... why are parents just leaving 4/5 yr old kids? Seems a bit drop and run negligent. At the end of the day maybe the child’s parents couldn’t afford a whole party bundle at the sort play place. Many moons ago when my kids were of that age we had the option of bringing our own food and using the party room for a certain length of time which worked out cheaper. Sounds like this wasn’t an option.

GreenTulips · 10/02/2020 07:58

If they couldn’t afford it they shouldn’t have invited the whole class.

It should’ve been 6 kids with lunch.

Mamabear144 · 10/02/2020 07:58

I don't want a MN post about me next week so how does one successfully throw a party in soft play in ireland. Ds is going to be 2 and I have booked a soft play where they have an hour play, food and cake and then a disco and invited about 12/13 other kids. Party bags are included in the package so do I just bring cake and balloons? Do I pay for any extras that show up or any siblings that have to be brought along? What do i do about feeding parents?

StatisticallyChallenged · 10/02/2020 08:14

Around here 5 was the age where you started asking if party parents preferred you to stay, or drop and run. Some parents seemed to not like all the guest parents staying. At soft play parties it was generally drop and run, but normally you'd find that there would be party parents plus a couple of others who they'd have asked in advance to stay and help. It certainly wasn't the norm at 5 for all parents to stay

EarringsandLipstick · 10/02/2020 08:22

Your child is 2! Totally different. I think 12/13 in a soft play for a 2 yo is a bit mad, tbh.
Anyway, yes, you just bring a cake. Am in Ireland, haven't seen balloons at all.

You don't pay for extra people, unless you want to.

As all parents are there, you should offer tea/coffee.

Mamabear144 · 10/02/2020 08:31

@earringsandlipstick thank you, he's part of a group and he actually plays with all of the kids invited as mas as it sounds, I wouldn't have even thought about tea/coffee, thank you

strongteawith2sugars · 10/02/2020 09:08

OP please update us on if anything was mentioned at school today

TabbyMumz · 10/02/2020 09:18

These sort of parties are always chaotic. The soft play is never booked just for the party, there are always loads of kids and parents there for a few hours aswell. So I would never ever leave a 4 or 5 year old and go. Even if you trust the parent, the chances of your child getting lost in the tunnels etc or missing the call for party food or even walking outside with someone else are high. I knew a parent who always left her child and went, he was always upset and other parents had to look after him. The party parents dont supervise, they are usually sat with friends or relatives. Sounds like these parents thought theyd do it a bit cheaper and not provide food as food was available for parents to pay for. I wouldnt have bought 4 random kids food or drink though. They could have had allergies or something.

TabbyMumz · 10/02/2020 09:22

To be honest, the fact that the Dad was paying by card for each child would have rang alarm bells with me, as usually when you get to the counter at these sort of play factories, they tick your childs name off the list and check what food they have chosen.

ffswhatnext · 10/02/2020 09:43

the other parents are also responsible for what happened. Asking can we go is a useless question and considering the number of people who don’t answer the door, they wouldn’t have the nerve to say stay when put on the spot.

Had any of the parents took the time to find out what their child would be doing, they would have been aware.

Is there any mention on the WhatsApp group that aside from those 4, other parents had spoke to the hosts beforehand?

OldMumYoungNan · 10/02/2020 10:01

Silly idea of the host parents. Who would want to organise a party where children are likely disappointed?

If you need to cut costs then invite a handful of friends or host a party at home. Nothing wrong with a home party with a couple of friends at that age!

Poor parenting from the parents who dropped of 4/5 year old though. I don’t think they should be cross at the hosts, only at themselves. Drop off parties didn’t happen until 7 years old in my experience and even from 7years + some parents stayed around public venues (at a distance to give their dc space). I couldn’t imagine dropping off a 4/5 year old at a soft play.

bobstersmum · 10/02/2020 10:12

I think it sounds like they wanted their child to have a fun day playing with their friends but couldn't afford the (extortionate) amount for a planned soft play party. Here it's 150 for ten kids for soft play and a basic nuggets and chips and a glass of juice. It's only 3.95 for just soft play so I don't know how they can justify another 11 per head for a crappy bit of food! If it was the first party they'd planned then maybe they had no idea what was expected. I don't think they were cf as in cheeky. Maybe clueless.

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