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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Paying to spend a holiday at the grandmother's B&B?

189 replies

SympatheticSwan · 08/02/2020 06:47

So, an ex-MIL. She had invited her grandchildren to spend the half term at her house. The father of the children, her son, voluntarily has limited contact and lives overseas. Ex-MIL is retired and running a B&B in her house in a remote area which does not seem to be a financial success and is rarely booked. But the house itself is nice and the area is quite picturesque, but not touristic. It will be the first time she will see one of the children, and she hasn't seen the older DC since they were a baby (both are young primary age).
Now it turns out that the father made other plans for the half term and cannot spend it with the children anymore. So the ex-MIL had sent an email to the mother of the children confirming that they are still welcome to visit her as she appreciates that making alternative holiday plans at such a short notice may be difficult, but she now would expect them to pay for the accommodation at her B&B. "Mates rates", but still in excess of £100 / day.
AIBU to think this is a "fuck off and don't even think of turning up here"?

OP posts:
ColdCottage · 08/02/2020 06:50

That is crazy. Who charges their grandchildren to stay with them regardless of age. She clearly has her priorities all wrong. I wouldn't let my children stay with her even if she then said it was free even if they weren't to young to stay with a person they don't know

Original poster
SympatheticSwan · 08/02/2020 06:52

@ColdCottage
Sorry, I wasn't clear - I meant she said that the mother and the children can come now instead of the father and the children. No intention to leave them there on their own, obviously.

OP posts:
Wifeofbikerviking · 08/02/2020 06:54

I'd not send them. It's very off charging your grandchildren to stay. She either doesn't really want to see them, or is struggling with money and thinks you would pay.
I probably wouldnt send them if it was free though since they dont seem to know her. I'd have gone with

Wifeofbikerviking · 08/02/2020 06:55

Ooh ok. Cross post. I wouldnt pay regardless. Just make other plans

MeridianB · 08/02/2020 06:59

You don’t say how old the children are but unless there was a reason she was prevented from seeing them, why in earth hasn’t she maintained a relationship with them? It says a great deal that she hasn’t bothered.

And yes, of course the payment thing is outrageous, so be sure to cancel the trip that their feckless father has ducked out of. Poor kids.

Mintjulia · 08/02/2020 07:00

It sounds like she had proposed the same deal to her son, and he said no. She doesn’t have a booking for that week, needs the money and expects the mother to pay instead.
I wouldn’t pay to stay with granny. I might invite her to stay for a break or I might go and offer to pay for food & outings. But not pay to stay. That’s crazy - unless you want to help her.

Original poster
SympatheticSwan · 08/02/2020 07:03

You don’t say how old the children are but unless there was a reason she was prevented from seeing them, why in earth hasn’t she maintained a relationship with them?
Both young primary age. She just did not bother seeing them too much. I guess now that she is getting older she starts to regret it.

OP posts:
curiousierandcouriser · 08/02/2020 07:03

So she wasn't charging for them when her son (the father) was coming, but is now that he's not and its her ex-DIL?

Yeah, I probably wouldn't go. I'm a big believer in paying your own way when dropping in a family / friend business, but the sudden price change is a bit Hmm. She appreciates that last minute plans are hard, but is then handing them a significant unexpected charge?

silenceofthemams · 08/02/2020 07:03

Tell her she can come visit the grandchildren at their own home at provide a list of hotels and B&Bs with the very reasonable rate of £100 a night?

Original poster
SympatheticSwan · 08/02/2020 07:05

It sounds like she had proposed the same deal to her son, and he said no.
That I have no idea about. Haven't spoken to ex-MIL in around four years at all, not even on Christmas card terms (no hostility, she's just genuinely disinterested, which she has a right to be, of course).

OP posts:
LorenzoStDubois · 08/02/2020 07:07

Nope.
No way.
She can jog on.

RiddleyW · 08/02/2020 07:09

Definitely not send. Not even about the money just that if their dad isn’t going then if chose my own holiday arrangement.

TidyDancer · 08/02/2020 07:09

No there's no way I would be sending the DCs in that circumstance. I can't believe she would expect you to agree. Actually maybe she's trying to put you off entirely.

MeridianB · 08/02/2020 07:11

If I had primary aged children whose father had buggered off to another country and chosen limited contact, while his mother didn’t bother at all, I wouldn’t give more than 30 seconds thought to this.

They sound very cold and the little ones deserve to spend their school holidays having a nice time with people who love them.

Original poster
SympatheticSwan · 08/02/2020 07:15

Actually maybe she's trying to put you off entirely.
That's what I am trying to figure out. I.e. whether this is a "don't come you weird woman" or it is just an unreasonably strong business sense but she still would be pleased to meet her grandchildren. I still have some difficulties decoding some of the British polite talk when it comes to social arrangements. Grin

OP posts:
WatchingFromTheWings · 08/02/2020 07:18

You could have a holiday abroad somewhere warm and sandy for that! Would never spend that on a b&b just to visit a relative who's clearly not interested in seeing her grand children!

Sparkletastic · 08/02/2020 07:19

It would be a chilly no thank you from me. Don't think it would do the DCs any good to have this person in their life.

Iusedtobeapartygirl · 08/02/2020 07:23

Absolutely do not go.

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 08/02/2020 07:24

Isn't it up to the children's father to make sure they have contact with his side of the family, not the children's mother? If I were the mother, I would definitely just say no.

Original poster
SympatheticSwan · 08/02/2020 07:26

You could have a holiday abroad somewhere warm and sandy for that!
We're definitely staying in the UK as I am not allowed to travel abroad with the children, so all our holidays are in the UK and are likely to be roughly in the same ballpark for the three of us, and all the holiday clubs seem to be full already. If they can meet a family member at the same time all the better. So it is not the financial side that bothers me here.
What irks me is the need to take the last 3 days of my annual leave + 2 unpaid, but so is life.

OP posts:
Sparkletastic · 08/02/2020 07:27

So you are going?

MaggieFS · 08/02/2020 07:28

Of you're going to have to spend money, you may as well spend it on something of your choice!

No issues with ex partner for leaving you in the lurch? What if you can't get the time off work?

poopbear · 08/02/2020 07:29

Blimey. That’s a big fat no! I’d reply “thanks for your lovely offer but as a single mother I simply cannot afford £100 per night. I haven’t budgeted for half term holiday expense. We will stay home where it costs me nothing. You are of course welcome to come visit us at any point over half term for free”

PurpleCrazyHorse · 08/02/2020 07:30

Er no. If neither ex-DH/DP nor ex-MIL can be bothered then I certainly wouldn't be paying on a per night basis to stay.

On a more general note, we do often contribute when staying somewhere as a family. But it's not demanded. I certainly wouldn't expect for someone struggling for money to be out of pocket though, but that's a whole lot different to £100/day.

user1498572889 · 08/02/2020 07:30

Why are you not allowed to take them abroad?

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