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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think who eats a family meal to themselves?!

588 replies

GimmeTheSnacks · 05/02/2020 23:44

I made a meal this evening ready for tomorrow as the chicken needed cooking. It was cooling down on the side before putting it in the fridge. The next thing I know dp is home from work then walks in with a huge plate of it. It looked like a lot so I asked if he'd reheated the whole thing to which he replied "no I've saved ds (5) some as I know how much he likes it". I explained it was for tea tomorrow and he said I should have told him when he got home.

He has enough common sense to know I will have cooked it for another days meal so this was just so selfish. He can be selfish with food in terms of snacks but he's never done it with a meal before. There were 4 chicken breasts in it ffs!

Aibu to think this was out of order and selfish?

OP posts:
Veterinari · 06/02/2020 08:39

@LettertoHermoine
Your clearly determined to defend the 'poor man' who
Had already had his dinner
Had spent the evening with his friend after work (he's hardly been slogging down the pit!)
Returned home and eaten a family sized portion of curry (4 chicken breasts and veg) plus rice in addition to his previous meal

But that's apparently ok because he has a penis and OP who also works, is raising 2 children and having to budget and meal plan should just suck up his selfish behaviour and conjure another family meal out of thin air and no budget, because he's a man. Nice

OP you need a serious conversation with him around budgeting, meal planning and his contribution to family life. He sounds like a selfish arsehole

MimiLaRue · 06/02/2020 08:39

Big fucking deal

It IS a big fcking deal if youve spent a couple hours preparing a meal for the family for the next day, old greedy guts comes home after already having eaten something and scoffs it, yes. You then just spent hours in the kitchen for absolutely nothing and yes, I'd be angry about that. I have better things to do than spend hours preparing and cooking a meal that will be wasted by that evening, not to mention, I'm tired when i come home from work. Its selfish as fck.

Boom45 · 06/02/2020 08:40

My husband takes sandwiches to work so our fridge always has ham/chicken/random sandwich fillers in it. I work from home so it also has left-overs in it as well as stuff we need for meals the rest of the week. Occasionally both of us are hungry after we've had our full allocation of meals for the day. What we don't do is just snaffle anything from the fridge we feel like it because if we end up eating something the other had for lunch or for a family tea then the rest of us go without. If you've got a family and 2 working parents generally the budget and various meals for the week have been worked out in advance. It's not just greed, its disrespectful and disruptive and very very selfish.
Being hungry and having a late night snack is fine, eating whatever you see without checking (or better still paying some attention and knowing) whether it's an entire meal for the family the next day is a crappy thing to do.

DobbinOnTheLA · 06/02/2020 08:41

OP works, has 3 kids under 5 including a 4 month old, the husband doesn't cook. And her comes the critiquing of the microwave rice!

Actually no need to bother buying any rice when the husband will eat the mains before she can get some.

user1333796 · 06/02/2020 08:42

I feel like punchingthings weeping reading some of these replies. Utterly horrific sexist attitudes. Lots of 'was there food in the fridge for him?' 'what had you made him?' 'poor darling was hungry' 'you should be flattered' 'I'm sure you can rustle up something else tomorrow' 'why didn't you greet him' (meaning, follow him round ask him if he wanted food making). Gross. You have every right to feel very cross OP, don't you dare make him anything tomorrow.

mantarays · 06/02/2020 08:42

I think half a pack is enough with a curry which could generously serve 4 adults?

I’m not one of the MN “My husband could eat a whole raw cow” brigade, but no, half a pack of microwave rice wouldn’t feed him, or me for that matter.

If you’re generally a bit tight with portion sizes, I could see why he would be hungry.

He still should have asked.

Molly2017 · 06/02/2020 08:42

I’ve already commented once but had to comment again because I can’t believe people are defending him!
It’s so selfish to do this. Especially when he has no intention of providing a replacement meal - OP says he doesn’t do the cooking.
She made a curry for her family.
He had already eaten tea.
He came home and ate the family’s dinner plus rice.
Its the lack of consideration for her, the kids, her time, their knee. The list goes on!
What did he do when you told him that tomorrow’s dinner?

Bluntness100 · 06/02/2020 08:43

God the amount of hysteria on here. And some of the comments, no dinner for him tomorrow, feed him fish fingers, it's shocking, it's horrifying.

Friggen hell.

mantarays · 06/02/2020 08:43

And he should cook dinner tomorrow.

WooMaWang · 06/02/2020 08:46

I agree that he should provide dinner tomorrow.

It really isn't hard to tell the difference between a full dish of dinner intended for the next day and leftovers from everyone's meal. Apart from anything else, there'd have been cooked rice left over if that's what the OP and the kids had eaten.

A packet of microwave rice is NOT enough for 2 people, no matter what is says on the back, wouldn't fill a hole in your tooth.

And we wonder why there are soaring rates of obesity in the uk.

Bluntness100 · 06/02/2020 08:48

Apart from anything else, there'd have been cooked rice left over if that's what the OP and the kids had eaten

Yes totally, because who can eat a whole half pack of rice Confused

And I'm a perfectly healthy weight thanks, As is my family, but I'd eat a whole packet, as would they. A half a packet is generally not a portion.

I can't believe someone actually suggested eating a whole pack leads to obesity. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

PickAChew · 06/02/2020 08:49

We don't have to budget and would be as furious as OP. I'm not running a cafe.

We also find a pack of microwave rice to be plenty for 2, though I don't eat massive portions of carbs.

mantarays · 06/02/2020 08:49

*A packet of microwave rice is NOT enough for 2 people, no matter what is says on the back, wouldn't fill a hole in your tooth.

And we wonder why there are soaring rates of obesity in the uk.*

Honestly, though, it’s not. I’m overweight. My DH isn’t. He would definitely eat a whole pack of microwave rice, not half a pack. Half is about 150 calories, isn’t it? Call the curry another 300, and it’s not a lot for an evening meal for an adult male, who needs 2,500 calories a day (average) to maintain weight.

Needtochangemymindset · 06/02/2020 08:50

It was greedy and selfish!

You are not alone!

My DP has form for this. I cooked a chicken one evening and put it in the fridge for dinner the next day. The next morning after he'd left for work I noticed the chicken was gone. He'd taken the whole chicken for his lunch!

LettertoHermoine · 06/02/2020 08:50

@Veterinari The vitriol and name calling because the man came home and ate tomorrows curry is ridiculous. WHERE does the penis come into it? He works, his partner works, she cooks, he cleans up..that seems fair to me. He ate a fucking CURRY!!!!! That's all he did! Yet he is all the names under the sun! His contribution to family life?? Are you for real? He ate a curry!! How do you know what else he does? All you know is he doesn't cook because he is shit at it so he washes up instead. It is NOTHING to do with gender or penises.

Just looking at the postabove, did someone actually say eating a full pack of rice leads to obesity?????? Jesus Wept!

mummmy2017 · 06/02/2020 08:50

The point is this man ate already.
He was not hungry. This was not his tea.
He ate what was in reality two plus meals as a SNACK.

WooMaWang · 06/02/2020 08:51

I suggested that the idea that a whole pack of microwave rice (with 4 portions of curry alongside it too) 'wouldn't fill a hole in a tooth' might suggest we've totally lost sight of reasonable portion sizes as a society.

And the OP said she'd have made a pot of basmati rice if it were actually dinner time. So the lack of rice definitely would be a clue that the untouched full dish of curry was not 'leftovers'.

Helpinghim · 06/02/2020 08:53

But it wasn't a dinner, it was a chicken? So he ate all that meat and no veg?

mantarays · 06/02/2020 08:53

Helpinghim

It was a curry with chicken in it.

Bluntness100 · 06/02/2020 08:53

He ate what was in reality two plus meals as a SNACK

Yeah, what a bastard, people are right to want to lynch him 🤣🤣🤣

WooMaWang · 06/02/2020 08:55

Call the curry another 300, and it’s not a lot for an evening meal for an adult male, who needs 2,500 calories a day (average) to maintain weight.

It was a whole pot of curry, minus a portion for a 5 year old (one of the children, not even al of them). That's way more than 300 calories.

And it wasn't his dinner either. He'd eaten already.

LettertoHermoine · 06/02/2020 08:56

What I will say and it is, in fairness, something I did not consider is the budgeting thing. Having thought about that, it really is a valid point and I am sure he is aware that there is no budget for buying extra food. I did not take that into consideration and I apologise for that. If things are extremely tight moneywise and there is no money to buy more food, it is perfectly acceptable that the OP is upset.

MimiLaRue · 06/02/2020 08:57

Yeah, what a bastard, people are right to want to lynch him

I wouldnt want to lynch him but I WOULD expect him to provide the next day's meal since he ate it. Thats fair enough surely?

mantarays · 06/02/2020 08:58

WooMaWang

No, I know. I’m saying only that half a pack of microwave rice isn’t an adult male portion.

Pukkatea · 06/02/2020 08:59

I don't want to be a MN competitive undereater but half a pack of rice is plenty for me :( maybe not for my DP although he wouldn't have a whole one to himself.

No it's not the worst thing in the world for someone to have done, but it IS greedy and it IS thoughtless. OP has now spent a bunch of her free time cooking basically for nothing, and will have to repeat it. That's not fair.

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