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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think who eats a family meal to themselves?!

588 replies

GimmeTheSnacks · 05/02/2020 23:44

I made a meal this evening ready for tomorrow as the chicken needed cooking. It was cooling down on the side before putting it in the fridge. The next thing I know dp is home from work then walks in with a huge plate of it. It looked like a lot so I asked if he'd reheated the whole thing to which he replied "no I've saved ds (5) some as I know how much he likes it". I explained it was for tea tomorrow and he said I should have told him when he got home.

He has enough common sense to know I will have cooked it for another days meal so this was just so selfish. He can be selfish with food in terms of snacks but he's never done it with a meal before. There were 4 chicken breasts in it ffs!

Aibu to think this was out of order and selfish?

OP posts:
Lovely13 · 07/02/2020 21:17

Years ago, I had a day nanny who did this. Would do a shop, I worked weird hours. When home, and hungry, it was almost all gone. Got inventive about hiding food. I do not miss those days.

karalou2 · 07/02/2020 21:44

Why is it odd to have roast chicken for tea? Unless you mean tea should be called dinner? I suppose it depends how posh you think you are, but I'm sure most of us would accept that tea is the family after school/work meal.

GabsAlot · 07/02/2020 21:45

im fat i can get greedy but i dont at someone elses dinner

karalou2 · 07/02/2020 21:56

Unfortunately, some people are incredibly selfish/greedy with food. There's absolutely no excuse to think a dish of food containing four chicken breasts, is 'leftovers'. That's just pure greed. If he had thought that, even if he thought you'd already eaten, he still should have asked if you wanted some, not just help himself to all of it, apart from leaving 'a bit' for ds. He sounds incredibly greedy, rude and selfish. If you don't want ds to follow in his footsteps, you need to have a serious talk with him. You are most definitely NBU.

ToftyAC · 07/02/2020 22:08

@mantarays
I doubt a curry for 4 people would be 300 calories! And half a pack of micro rice is def more than 150 calls.

MsPepperPotts · 07/02/2020 22:22

If he's having McDonalds everyday that going to add up to around £30 a week which is half your food bill if you're on a budget...he's bang out of order doing this.
Great response btw OP to his "what's for tea?"

Tomorrow.....You could put a loaf of bread and tin of Beans on the counter top with a note saying here's your tea!!
A friend used to do this regular for her OH...He soon got the hang of cooking as he got fed up of beans on toast! Grin

Weenurse · 07/02/2020 22:25

You could get one of those fridge safes to stop the snacking on your treats.
That may be grounds for divorce though.
My DH does snack on everyone else’s food and says he will replace it, but never does. I think it is because his mother always indulged him and never said no.
He would not eat a family meal thought.

KatherineJaneway · 07/02/2020 22:26

He is a greedy guts. I love my food and have a big appetite but that level of gluttony is a major turn off.

PickAChew · 07/02/2020 23:29

Don't you think that people who eat food intended for their families should express some shame? Particularly when they don't bother to pay for it.

WiseNiceWoman · 07/02/2020 23:51

All of this "did he think it was for tomorrow etc etc" is BS to put it frankly. He should simply have checked if it was OK to eat. It was a rather selfish thing he did and any common sense would have thought "hmmm, this must be for tomorrow" hence the time he came in and everything. If you let him get away with it then he will do it again and you can't complain. Let him know that he better find an alternative for the whole family to eat and to next time check-in with you. If the tables were turned I can guarantee he would not be happy either. Men can sometimes lack empathy and need things to be spelled out. If you are subtle with men they simply just won't get it.

00Sassy · 08/02/2020 04:23

What gets me most is that the husband has happily eaten all of something that his DW prepared without considering that she’s prepared it for anyone other than him!

Jojofjo44 · 08/02/2020 06:59

My husband would have done the same and used the exact same excuse, even whilst knowing that I'd never cook him 4 chicken breasts. Opportunity is enough reason for him.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 08/02/2020 07:07

I think, given the OP's posts, that it's fair to say this isn't an "emotional overeating" situation, it's more of a labradoresque "I see food therefore I eat it" response.

And my DH will also scarf our gluten free brownie bars, because they're actually nicer than the normal ones - much more moist for longer! He eats the GF cake faster than anyone else too, despite not needing to. Angry

MrsDrSpencerReid · 08/02/2020 07:12

YANBU OP

I can’t believe the amount of people that think it’s perfectly fine for her DH to have consumed an entire family curry!

Even putting aside the amount of food, the lack of respect for OP’s time Shock

There’s no way my DH would think this was ok, if he was hungry he’d have tea & biscuits or a bowl of cereal.

We’re a family of 4 and 2 chicken breasts is plenty for us! I can’t imagine anyone eating 4 breasts plus potato, veg and rice all to themselves, and I’m fat!

Good on you for leaving him to sort himself the next night! Hope he enjoyed his pot noodle Grin

BobAHair · 08/02/2020 07:20

And here’s me wondering what the recipe is, because it must have been amazing if he couldn’t keep his hands off of it....

Actually, what was the recipe (or was it just roast chicken...?)

DreamTheMoors · 08/02/2020 08:15

@pandora101

Whoever it was that opened your box probably really regrets it. I do. Most everyone on this thread does.

MamaSharkDooDooDooDooDooDooo · 08/02/2020 09:13

@QueSera that's a massively privileged attitude. I'm very happy for you that you can afford to eat what you want when you want but not everyone has that luxury. It would be a kind thing to remember that rather than bashing people who have to live on a (tight) budget!

Original poster
GimmeTheSnacks · 08/02/2020 10:02

Cloglover oh don't worry I know it was just her being crazy about food. She was obese at the time but has since lost it and is a healthy weight many years later and recognises how she used to be. I do think dp was being the definition of greedy here though! He is very overweight and recognises it. He's said he can't be bothered to change even though I'd be supportive and helpful. He had the perfect opportunity to diet with me whilst I lost the baby weight. If he's ill he won't go to the dr for fear of being told it's his weight.

OP posts:
Original poster
GimmeTheSnacks · 08/02/2020 10:14

ThumbWitchesAbroad it's so annoying isn't it! Those without Coeliac disease can eat anything they like! Why eat the gluten free stuff when it's the only thing we can eat? That one packet of 8 cookies will be a monthly treat for me. They have an abundance of biscuits because they're so cheap!

Weenurse my dp was indulged as a child too but he's an adult now so I put the responsibility in his hands rather than his mothers (or fathers). I know how hard disordered eating habits are to break because I've done it. I've offered to help but he just says he likes food.

OP posts:
Hodge00079 · 08/02/2020 11:39

I think most people would realise that a curry like that was not meant for one.

I am guessing he is probably not around you when you cook. Does he realise the time and amount of ingredients that go into something like a curry? Wonder if he saw all the chicken and vegetables etc it would make a difference.

Is he involved with the food planning and shopping?

I hope his McDonald’s money is what is left after his has chipped in with his share of the family food bill.

In my experience even a rubbish cook has at least one dish they can do

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 08/02/2020 12:24

Exactly, gimme - and the premium we have to pay for our treats is staggering - at least 3x the cost of the ones with gluten in, where I am anyway.

Original poster
GimmeTheSnacks · 08/02/2020 15:12

ThumbWitchesAbroad it's ridiculous! Supermarket own digestives 40p for a relatively big packet. Their own gf digestives £1.60 for maybe 10 in a packet!

Hodge00079 he's been around plenty of times when I cook and we're those annoying people who often shop together!
He doesn't chip in with the family food bill, says he has no money left.

OP posts:
Confuddledtown · 08/02/2020 17:32

He doesn't chip in with the family food bill, says he has no money left.

That on it's own is bad enough, nevermind the fact he then ate the familys entire dinner for himself and left you with nothing!

Butterymuffin · 08/02/2020 17:37

He doesn't chip in with the family food bill, says he has no money left.

WHAT???

He eats all the food but doesn't pay towards it?

Is he the father of the kids? If so he's a fucking disgrace. In fact he is either way.

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 08/02/2020 17:38

He doesn't chip in with the family food bill

Then why do you cook for him at all? You pay your own money to buy food for him and he doesn't contribute anything to feed you or his children? It makes no sense to me.

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