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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Had the police round this morning

539 replies

Notinthemood04 · 04/02/2020 17:49

They'd had "several" reports about me leaving my younger daughter in the car on the school road while I drop my older one at school. This eventually became 2 reports and I know who they are from, although I don't know this person's name.
Even though I haven't done anything wrong in the eyes of the law, the policewoman said she would never even have left a 10 year old alone in a car ever, and would have to refer me to social services.
I have had to agree I will not leave her alone in the car again for the 2 minutes it takes, even though I feel it it safer to leave her strapped into her car seat rather than take her out of the car and into the road. The car is no more likely to get hit in those 2 mins than in the 5 mins we all spend in the car waiting for the school gates to open.
I feel utterly shit and deflated, and like I now I have to do something that feels more of a risk to me than my current not ideal choice.
I don't know if social services will visit me or not. It doesn't really matter.
AIBU as a parent to think that I am capable of making my own choice as to how to best keep both of my children safe? DD2 is 3.7 in case that matters.

OP posts:
Whentheleavesfalldown · 04/02/2020 17:51

I personally think 3 is too young. What if she tried to get out and got run over?

Fedupofitnow123 · 04/02/2020 17:51

I don't know, I wouldn't leave my child!

Sirzy · 04/02/2020 17:51

Can you see the car the whole time?

Given the state of parking outside most primary schools I think leaving a child in the car is a risky move.

WisestIsShe · 04/02/2020 17:53

I wouldn't do it. If be worried about her getting out of the car seat and coming to some mischief.

richteasandcheese · 04/02/2020 17:53

Another mum crashed in to me when I was parked. Don't leave your 3 year old in a car unattended

EbbandTheWanderingHearts · 04/02/2020 17:53

Can you see the car at all times? I, personally, wouldn't leave my children in the car at that age if it was out of sight.

BettysLeftTentacle · 04/02/2020 17:53

I’m sorry OP, whilst I would agree that not leaving a 10 year old in the car is a bit excessive, leaving a 3 year old in a car is a big risk not worth taking IMO.

MeanwhileAtNumber98 · 04/02/2020 17:53

I have a 10 year old and I would leave her in the car for a few minutes, I wouldn't leave a 3.7 yr old though. It's only two minutes yes but anything can happen in that time (unlikely maybe but possible).

WisestIsShe · 04/02/2020 17:54

Thinking about it though, isn't the ten year old old enough to see themselves into school? Just watch them go through the gate?

LoudBatPerson · 04/02/2020 17:54

At 3.7, I would think there would be too much chance of her taking off her belt/straps and then getting out of the car or harming herself in another way. Maybe her playing with the handbrake and causing the car to roll - unlikely but if she has watched you operate it enough times then she could.

It's not something I would do.

Aloe6 · 04/02/2020 17:54

I’m sorry but I do think that is too young and I can see why the police have made a referral.

YouFellAsleeep · 04/02/2020 17:55

3 is far too young to leave alone in the car. I didn’t start driving until my son was 4 but he didn’t get left in the car until he was much, much older.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 04/02/2020 17:55

Sorry, OP but no way would I do this. It's not worth the risk.

WeShouldBeFriends · 04/02/2020 17:55

Impossible to know without seeing the set up in real life but if it makes you feel better I usually leave my same age youngest in the car too. He is strapped in, can't get out, wouldn't try and knows not to try. I can see the car and I'm out of it for less than a minute. I know others won't agree but meh.

DillyDilly · 04/02/2020 17:56

You are being unreasonable, not every parent has the good judgement to keep their children safe.

Your young child is out of your sight and hearing for several minutes - there’s a lot more that could happen than your car being hit by another.

You can keep your child safe when out of the car by teaching her to hold your hand, using a buggy or reins and explaining road safety in an age appropriate manner.

DeepDarkWoods · 04/02/2020 17:56

I wouldn't do it. Anything could happen.

AltheaVestr1t · 04/02/2020 17:56

It is annoying...getting them in shoes and coats and taking them down the road to the shops instead of leaving them to watch CBeebies is annoying too, as is not being able to go to the pub on a Friday night when they are asleep upstairs. Unfortunately, that’s the job - at this age you just can’t leave them alone, anywhere, ever.

Wildorchidz · 04/02/2020 17:56

It’s not about the car getting hit. It’s about your preschooler opening the straps and getting out of the car. Or getting distressed when you leave. The police took it seriously enough to come to speak to you about it.

TheVanguardSix · 04/02/2020 17:56

Nah. Wouldn't risk it. It's not worth it. The worst case scenario, the you never know does happen to people. It's so unlikely that anything will ever happen, but it's not worth the minuscule risk. She's very little, OP.

RozHuntleysStump · 04/02/2020 17:57

-Bloody hell! 3?? Good for them for reporting you!

WorraLiberty · 04/02/2020 17:58

I don't understand the way you're viewing this?

How is leaving a 3 year old alone in a car, safer than a fully competent adult taking them across the road?

frogsbreath · 04/02/2020 17:59

It's too young. They could easily become distressed, they don't understand how long a few minutes is going to be. If a teacher wanted to speak to you it could easily become far more than the 2 minutes you say.

I also doubt it's actually 2 minutes you leave them for.

itsamood · 04/02/2020 17:59

Uch OP I feel for you.

I think referring you to social services is over the top. Surely just a rap on the knuckles would be enough?

AlwaysCheddar · 04/02/2020 18:00

Sorry, too young.

Amylox · 04/02/2020 18:00

SS will laugh in their faces.

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