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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Had the police round this morning

539 replies

Notinthemood04 · 04/02/2020 17:49

They'd had "several" reports about me leaving my younger daughter in the car on the school road while I drop my older one at school. This eventually became 2 reports and I know who they are from, although I don't know this person's name.
Even though I haven't done anything wrong in the eyes of the law, the policewoman said she would never even have left a 10 year old alone in a car ever, and would have to refer me to social services.
I have had to agree I will not leave her alone in the car again for the 2 minutes it takes, even though I feel it it safer to leave her strapped into her car seat rather than take her out of the car and into the road. The car is no more likely to get hit in those 2 mins than in the 5 mins we all spend in the car waiting for the school gates to open.
I feel utterly shit and deflated, and like I now I have to do something that feels more of a risk to me than my current not ideal choice.
I don't know if social services will visit me or not. It doesn't really matter.
AIBU as a parent to think that I am capable of making my own choice as to how to best keep both of my children safe? DD2 is 3.7 in case that matters.

OP posts:
Ffsnosexallowed · 04/02/2020 18:00

I wouldn't leave a3 year old alone in the car. What age is your older child?

BirdieFriendBadge · 04/02/2020 18:01

I think it was right you were reported.

Far too young to leave.

Torchlightt · 04/02/2020 18:01

The comment about a 10 year old is insane, and a policewoman shouldn't be saying that. Personally, I agree with you OP. I would happily leave a 3 year old in the car for a couple of minutes, and agree that it makes things easier and probably also safer for everyone. Eg they could run out into the road when you get them out of their car seat, or another car could come up onto the kerb and run them over even if you're holdng their hand, etc etc. This country is mad on this kind of thing.
Unfortunately, someone who is silly / controlling / malicious or whatever will report you again if you do it again. It's crap, isn't it? Flowers

WorraLiberty · 04/02/2020 18:01

I think referring you to social services is over the top. Surely just a rap on the knuckles would be enough?

Maybe they're bound by rules or policies or something?

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 04/02/2020 18:01

3 is too young to stay in the car, I think, but 10 is old enough to go into school by herself?

But Flowers for the shock and guilt, that can't have been a nice occurrence.

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 04/02/2020 18:02

Yeah 3.7 is too risky to leave in the car. Glad you’re not doing It anymore.

formerbabe · 04/02/2020 18:02

Yabvu.

Just take your child out of the car like I see every parent do in the mornings.

Snoopdogsbitch · 04/02/2020 18:02

althea there's no need for that! That's shitty- implying the OP is a reluctant parent- you getting off on making the OP upset?

OP I used to do it all the time- sleeping baby/ toddler, nip out the car for 1 minute to pop DC1 and DC2 across the road and wave them off into the playground. I could see the car at all times. It's the same as paying for fuel - why on Earth would I have removed a small child whilst I pay?

Don't let the bastards get you down, OP.

PumpkinPie2016 · 04/02/2020 18:03

Someone my parents know almost lost their little girl at a similar age because Grandma did what you do.

She left the child locked in the car and went to collect other grandchild. Gone 2/3 mins and in that time,a woman had persuaded little girl to unlock the door and was down the street with her Shock sheer luck that the grandma spotted them quickly and managed to run after them and grab the girl.

Just take her with you -no reason not to! My son is 6 and I would never leave him alone in the car like that.

Robstersgirl · 04/02/2020 18:03

Just yesterday I saw a car reverse straight into the side of another at school. Way too young to leave unsupervised.

SugarNyx · 04/02/2020 18:04

I’m glad the police are so on it with this sort of thing. You should not leave a toddler alone in the car!

84claire84 · 04/02/2020 18:04

You shouldn't be leaving the child unattended. End of.

However not exactly sure what social services will do about it.

ScissorsPalace · 04/02/2020 18:04

I’m sorry, OP, but I agree - 3 yrs old is too young to be left alone in a car even for a few minutes if your eyes aren’t on her the whole time.

10 yr old comment is ridiculous, though. My year 6 DD gets the bus home from school!

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 04/02/2020 18:06

Sorry OP, I agree with most of the others. Far too young for me.

Meltedicicle · 04/02/2020 18:06

Can you see the car? I mean if it’s really 2 mins then it’s no different really to leaving a child in the car while you pay for petrol surely which is what I always did because I agree with you, it seemed safer for them to be in the car than not. If I couldn’t see the car then I would be more wary at that age.

D4rwin · 04/02/2020 18:07

Very risky lazy arse parenting. But SS won't give a stuff.

Deelish75 · 04/02/2020 18:09

3 is too young. My DS is 10, nearly 11 and I’ve only recently started leaving him for a few minutes and he’s a sensible kid.

Thislittlepiggywentto · 04/02/2020 18:10

Agree SS wont bat an eyelid.

I have to say I wouldnt report someone doing this if it was right outside the school. So it does make me think the reporter did think there was something to be concerned about. But I agree that a chat and a bit of safety knowledge from the police would be enough - unless as a pp said they are bound by policies.

kungfupannda · 04/02/2020 18:11

I think she was ridiculous with the comment about the 10 year-old, but I think 3 is too young. I leave my 10 and 8 year-old together while I pop into a shop, or my 10 year-old alone, but I only leave the 3 year-old alone or with the other two if I can see the car the whole time, eg paying for petrol, or using a small shop with the car parked directly outside.

McCanne · 04/02/2020 18:11

I think it depends on your line of sight and how far you are from the car. I’m thinking of petrol station type situations. Escalating to social services seems a bit much.

boymum9 · 04/02/2020 18:12

Sorry OP, i imagine you just be feeling rubbish now but I also agree I would never leave my dc's in the car in that or any situation actually (2 and 4)

BlimeyCalmDown · 04/02/2020 18:12

YABU and it is positive it has been reported as now you won't take the risk anymore and she will be safer. Not sure why you think it is less safe to take her out a car seat and cross a road, surely you do this every time you make a journey.

Amatteroftime · 04/02/2020 18:12

I thought you meant your child was 10 and that would have been fine.
But 3 is way, way too young to be left alone in a car, even for 2 minutes.

TheGirlWithAPrince · 04/02/2020 18:12

yep 3 way too young, can she open the door? what if something happened, what if you passed out in the school and she was stuck in a locked car.

at the end of the day we all know it isnt 2 minutes because if it was 2 minutes then you wouldnt be donig anything but crossing the road which no one would report

Littlemeadow123 · 04/02/2020 18:13

While 3 is maybe a bit too young, she was completely over the top by saying she wouldn't leave a ten year old. Maybe health and safety has increased since I was young, but I was being left alone in the car for a few minutes at a time when I was about 8. Pretty over the top to call social services as well. No wonder abise cases get missed when they are being badgered with petty issues like this.