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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Had the police round this morning

539 replies

Notinthemood04 · 04/02/2020 17:49

They'd had "several" reports about me leaving my younger daughter in the car on the school road while I drop my older one at school. This eventually became 2 reports and I know who they are from, although I don't know this person's name.
Even though I haven't done anything wrong in the eyes of the law, the policewoman said she would never even have left a 10 year old alone in a car ever, and would have to refer me to social services.
I have had to agree I will not leave her alone in the car again for the 2 minutes it takes, even though I feel it it safer to leave her strapped into her car seat rather than take her out of the car and into the road. The car is no more likely to get hit in those 2 mins than in the 5 mins we all spend in the car waiting for the school gates to open.
I feel utterly shit and deflated, and like I now I have to do something that feels more of a risk to me than my current not ideal choice.
I don't know if social services will visit me or not. It doesn't really matter.
AIBU as a parent to think that I am capable of making my own choice as to how to best keep both of my children safe? DD2 is 3.7 in case that matters.

OP posts:
LadyMonicaBaddingham · 04/02/2020 18:21

It's simply not safe. Near where I live a child was killed when the handbrake slipped and the car rolled when her mother left her in the car 'just for two minutes'. You can't legislate for the unknown, but you can keep your child safer than you are currently. Please do.

Breastfeedingworries · 04/02/2020 18:21

I also have tinted windows so unless someone in my cars grill they wouldn’t see dd.

user1498572889 · 04/02/2020 18:22

What if someone crashed into your car when you were taking your older child in.

kingkuta · 04/02/2020 18:22

Honest opinion is that she is far too young to be left in the car unattended and you are fucking lazy to not just take her with you. I bet there has been more than one parent talking about this.

JosefKeller · 04/02/2020 18:22

I see plenty of parents doing the same. I was not getting a double pushchair out of the boot or carrying two toddlers for the sake of crossing a road. I can be flamed along with you op.

nothing to be proud of. I also see plenty of parents driving with their 7 year old sitting in the front passenger seat with not even a booster. Seeing idiots on the road doesn't make it right.

theThreeofWeevils · 04/02/2020 18:22

if it was 2 minutes then you wouldnt be donig anything but crossing the road which no one would report

No one? What about someone with a grudge?

Don't both the police and SS have better things to worry about? Up to the OP's judgment. I mean, by taking the smaller child with her, the risk of them running into the road and being hit by a car is increased, and that is a more likely scenario than being persuaded by some passing weirdo to open the car and go off with them, surely?

Dunin · 04/02/2020 18:22

Sorry OP. I’ve read your latest update and I still disagree. Somebody could smash the car window and be off with her. It’s just not worth the risk and the police and general society agree with that point. In this instance, you’re parenting choice is wrong and putting your kid at risk. It’s not fair on her or the passers by that you are stressing out or the police who have now had to waste their time and taxpayers money coming out to talk to you. Everybody’s got better things to be doing than to be telling you what you should already know. You’ve got to click get out of her harness. That’s not a big deal. You’re just being lazy. Get her out into the road? Park next to a kerb. You aren’t in the middle of a motorway. Get her out into the kerb side. Stop being lazy. Arrive a few minutes earlier. You know you’re in the wrong here which is why you’re so stressed out. You got caught. Don’t do it again.

TheMotherofAllDilemmas · 04/02/2020 18:22

How long have you been leaving her in the car for 2 minutes? A year or two since the other kid goes to school?

You have learned your lesson, the truth is that nothing happens until it happens, and you have been lucky so far. I know if a four year old who pushed the handbrake down and ran over her sibling who was out of the car, my cousin did the same when he was about 3, in a slope, my aunt went back from her 2 minutes pop in to find the car going down the hill and hitting a wall at the bottom of it.

I’m sure that at 3, most kids can undo the seatbelts.

Chillyegg · 04/02/2020 18:23

I worked with a child ( in a special school ) that his mum left him in a car locked in an averagish temp day in the uk. He had a massive temperature related seizure because the temp in the car rose causing massive brain damage and he is disabled for the rest of his life.
That is why
Don’t do it

Breastfeedingworries · 04/02/2020 18:24

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/inews.co.uk/inews-lifestyle/cars/illegal-leave-child-alone-in-car-258604%3famp

I’m right it’s about the risk and the situation.

PetiteMuffin · 04/02/2020 18:24

YABU - 3 is far too young to be left alone in a car. I’m a bit confused about “getting them out into the road”... surely you’d get them out on the side that is against the pavement?

FairNotFair · 04/02/2020 18:24

When I was that age, I used the hot cigarette lighter to melt pretty patterns into the steering wheel and dashboard. I didn't get left again

Me too! It was very satisfying.

NYCDreaming · 04/02/2020 18:24

I don’t leave my 11 yo in the car 🤷‍♀️ In my mind it’s an unnecessary risk to take.

I've got to ask @puds11 - what do you think is going to happen?

Genevieva · 04/02/2020 18:24

I should add - cycling to school unaccompanied by adults. They had each other and other kids they bumped into or met up with en route, but the point is that the idea that 10 year olds can't be trusted to be by themselves is preposterous. 3 year olds are a different matter, and I would not leave them in the car, but it is not a police matter.

EyUpDuck12 · 04/02/2020 18:25

Why do you have to get her out " in to the road" ?? Either you undo her belt getting in from the other side and she exits with you on the pavement side or, swap the child seats round so she is on the pavement side.

BettysLeftTentacle · 04/02/2020 18:26

2 minutes is actually an awful long time in a world where shit happens OP. Really.
I’m not sure why taking both the kids out the car is risky.

DoveBlue · 04/02/2020 18:26

My child undid their 5 point harness for the first time on a motorway! That was fun!! Trust me they will do it at some point.

NYCDreaming · 04/02/2020 18:27

@Chillyegg I'm sorry but there is literally no risk of seizures caused by dangerous car temperatures in two minutes on a cold February day.

Sh05 · 04/02/2020 18:27

If she's in your sight the whole time and strapped in to carseat plus not at all interested in trying to take the belt off then I don't see a problem. My 3.10 year old is too clingy to leave but I know that if I did leave her, trying to take off the belt is not something that has ever crossed her mind.
I think the police officer went a bit over the top saying about a 10 year old when 10 year olds are allowed out of school on their own and don't have to be collected by an adult.

BringBackLangCleg · 04/02/2020 18:28

I think this is completely negligent and would have reported you too. Any number of things could have happened and you (just like the rest of us) can never say for certain what a 3 year old will or won't do. I bet you wouldn't leave a million pounds sat on the back seat whilst you disappear for a few minutes? Well there are people who wait for opportunities like this to snatch kids. I live in a small very run-of-the-mill village and just last week we had 2 blokes in a white van try and snatch a school child from the bus stop. Similar but unrelated thing happened in the next town over in the autumn. It happens. Why on earth anyone would take this needless risk with such a small child is just baffling.

Lipz · 04/02/2020 18:28

Thank God someone has your child's safety as a priority.

BettysLeftTentacle · 04/02/2020 18:28

And yy to PPs that are saying that you don’t know they can until they do. When my eldest was 3, she absolutely could get out of her seat AND open the car door whilst it was moving....

WorraLiberty · 04/02/2020 18:28

You're very specific and say your child is 3.7

Have you only just started leaving them then?

What did you do before they reached that age and why can't you go back to doing that?

Torchlightt · 04/02/2020 18:29

But I really don't understand why you think that 7 years old is much too young to walk along the pavement and through the school gates "on your own" but actually with loads of other children doing the same thing. In Germany children all walk from home to school without parents from the age of 6.

Beautiful3 · 04/02/2020 18:29

I think the police are right, I'm sorry. A 3 year old could have unstrapped themselves and climbed over the drivers seat, possibly playing with the gear stick/handbrake (making it roll). Or worse, exited the vehicle. However the comment about not allowing a 10 year old to be alone is harsh, I have left a 10 year old in the car for 10 minutes before.