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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner hit me with a pillow this morning in anger

517 replies

Milosunshine · 03/02/2020 05:38

I’m aware a pillow isn’t the worst thing you can throw at someone however my partner has gone into an angry outburst because I haven’t made his breakfast this morning. For the past 2 years I have created a rod for my own back and woken up at 5am (2 and half hours before I am due to leave for work) and made his breakfast and lunch. I mentioned last week I was getting tired so at the end of last week he let me lie in. This morning he is infuriated and said it was one off. Just venting really as I feel so emotional and guilty 😞

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 03/02/2020 05:41

Guilty? What about?

He has been entirely happy to have you get up early and serve him meals for 2 years and loses his shit when his domestic appliance stops working.

Sally2791 · 03/02/2020 05:42

You are not his servant. Please do the freedom programme

Lanurk · 03/02/2020 05:42

Tell him to get a grip because the cafe is closed until after 7am

Original poster
Milosunshine · 03/02/2020 05:44

He keeps telling me about how hard he works for us.. which he does. He called me a baby for saying I was tired and that he struggles and has to get up so why shouldn’t I. I try to make his life as easy as I can by doing all the housework, cooking etc. He’s made me feel so selfish.

OP posts:
TulipCat · 03/02/2020 05:49

He sounds like a truly awful man.

00100001 · 03/02/2020 05:52

What a knob.

00100001 · 03/02/2020 05:53

Presumably you work as well?

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/02/2020 05:53

You do all the housework and cooking and work too.

Who on earth taught you to put up with this shit?

Original poster
Milosunshine · 03/02/2020 05:53

Yes I work full time at a sen school.

OP posts:
Original poster
Milosunshine · 03/02/2020 05:54

He’s now said it’s my fault he hit me with the pillow because I wasn’t listening to him..

OP posts:
lengthenmylutealphase · 03/02/2020 05:54

Leave him.

Seriously.

Next time it could be his fist.

He doesn't even like you, let alone love and respect you.

Thanks
MrsTerryPratchett · 03/02/2020 05:55

He will get worse.

Plan to leave. Then leave.

00100001 · 03/02/2020 05:56

Wow.... Leave

Fucket · 03/02/2020 05:56

He’s deadweight, dragging you down. Just imagine how much easier life would be without having a man child to run around after. You need to start planning an exit!

CatonNZ · 03/02/2020 06:03

You both work and both are equal partners which means you both contribute equally to tend to the needs of your household. It is not your job to shoulder the entire job of running the house. Nor is it fair or equitable. You are not a domestic servant who. Just happens to have a full time job outside of work!! Do you cook dinner too?

Here is what disturbs me deeply about what you’ve written he dismisses and mocks your feelings I.e. when you said you’re tired he called you a baby. This is abusive behaviour. He was very angry because you wouldn't cook and threw something at your body - doesn’t matter it was a pillow-salient issue is he was angry and reacted physically angrily toward you.
It sounds like you know in your heart something is wrong. It sounds to me like you are in a relationship where you are meeting his needs and more but yours are being ignored.
And perhaps by you as well. Your partner has no right to be angry with you because you won’t make him a meal. It’s wrong and it’s abusive .

GiveHerHellFromUs · 03/02/2020 06:05

You work full time and do bloody everything. You'll be happier alone. Tell him to pack his bags before he leaves for work, the arsehole.

He doesn't get to dictate when you do or don't have a lie in. He doesn't get to insist on having breakfast in bed every day. His job isn't more important than yours. He doesn't get to live in a house and contribute nothing other than money. If he disagrees with any of that, he doesn't deserve you

Palaver1 · 03/02/2020 06:07

Use this opportunity to stop the breakfast and whatever you sacrifice your sleep for.
No amount of trying your best to do your best ever works with men like this.

zen1 · 03/02/2020 06:08

How long have you been together? You don’t have to do what he says, you know. You are in an abusive relationship OP.

Cherrysherbet · 03/02/2020 06:08

This is not ok op. Nothing remotely normal about this behaviour. You are not his servant. He has no respect for you.

Time to stop making excuses and get help 💐

UnexpectedItemInTheShaggingAre · 03/02/2020 06:09

He’s a c**t.
Do you have anyone you can tell IRL? Even if just a colleague.

Thinking of you.

puds11 · 03/02/2020 06:10

You know this isn’t ok. He won’t change. It’s time to leave.

CatonNZ · 03/02/2020 06:10

He let me lie in since when is he the boss of you? Please have a read of this

www.ncdsv.org/images/PowerControlwheelNOSHADING.pdf

And when you’re done find a women’s group. You need support and to be supported through this until you figure out what kind of relationship you’re in and more importantly why you’re in it.

Original poster
Milosunshine · 03/02/2020 06:11

I just text him saying there was no excuse for throwing things at me when he was angry. He’s just rung me and called me a lairy little bitch and told me the reason why he did it was because I didn’t listen to him. He then went on to say that I shouldn’t text him on the way to work and I was creating an argument.

OP posts:
GiveHerHellFromUs · 03/02/2020 06:12

@Milosunshine he's not even sorry for being abusive towards you.

kiaorasvetlana · 03/02/2020 06:13

Hitting you is hitting you no matter what it is with. Get your plans in place to leave.