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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask, if you had your time again, would you have kids?

416 replies

UndecidedOne · 02/02/2020 22:32

My husband and I don't have kids yet (he's 32 and I'm 27). We have bought a bigger house in preparation for starting a family, but I'm just not sure if I want kids or not. So would you have kids again if you could start over? And what do you like and dislike about being a parent?

OP posts:
Beansprout30 · 02/02/2020 22:39

Yes I would have kids if I had my time again. I like most of what being a parent is, but I do miss afternoon snoozes and time to do what the hell I want.

UpsideRound · 02/02/2020 22:39

Yes, most definitely. Whilst I’m sure I’m capable of making a happy life without them they have brought so much joy. I have constant love around me, I’m happy with them. We have a lot of fun together, we explore together and I probably have a much bigger social circle with them. It’s a noisy and slightly cluttered house I’ll admit, but very happy and full of love.

OhNoMyCheds · 02/02/2020 22:40

I’d have them sooner.

ParkheadParadise · 02/02/2020 22:41

Yes I would.
I had dd1 at 15, it wasn't something I thought would happen to me. We grew up together, although I did miss out on my childhood I wouldn't change it now.

Had dd2 at 38, she was a surprise. This time round has been completely different as I'm married, financially much better off and older.
I love being a parent.

blue25 · 02/02/2020 22:41

No definitely not. I have friends who feel the same.

jaffaeclipse · 02/02/2020 22:41

Without a doubt.

BackforGood · 02/02/2020 22:43

Without a doubt.
Mine are young adults now and I'm so proud of them all.

Of course it is hard work - the sleepless nights, the responsibility, the loss of freedom, but that is more than balanced out by the love, fun, laughter, and, as I said at the start, immense pride.

HelloHelloHelloHelloHelloHello · 02/02/2020 22:43

Oh my gosh yes !!! I adore my children. They are truly truly truly amazing and I cannot imagine life without them. They r my reason for everything.

I was very happy without kids, just me and my lovely DH, but now they r in my life I just could never ever imagine being without them.

My children r my world and adore everything about them ❤️

aquamarine1 · 02/02/2020 22:43

Yes 100%. I find some of it tedious - the tantrums, lack of sleep etc but the pros vastly outweigh the cons and I feel like our lives are much more fulfilling now.

welshmercury · 02/02/2020 22:44

Those that have children probably wouldn’t wish them away now even though they can be right little a holes now and again.

This is a decision you need to decide for yourself and then talk to hubby. It may be something you break up over but only you know what’s right for you.

WitchQueenofDarkness · 02/02/2020 22:45

No probably not.

DCIRozHuntley · 02/02/2020 22:45

Unquestionably yes, but if you have to ask and you aren't sure, don't do it. It's pretty much the only thing in life that's irreversible.

surlycurly · 02/02/2020 22:45

Honestly, no. I adore my two but I'm a single parent to two kids (ASD but I don't think that alters my opinion), and it's utterly relentless. I love them like no one else that I ever have, or I ever will, but the trade off has been mainly not worth it for me. Most of parenting is hard work, unimaginative, expensive and boring. I feel trapped and responsible. The weight of that responsibility is slowing crushing me into the ground. I'm not wishing their lives away, but I look forward to them being adults.

Hoolihan · 02/02/2020 22:46

Yes. They're amazing. Probably wouldn't get married though...

xtinak · 02/02/2020 22:46

I'm not sure I would. I find my DD funny and entertaining but I don't like how relentless it is. I feel I want to stop the bus and get off but then I remember I am the bus.

Squashpocket · 02/02/2020 22:46

Yes and I'd have them sooner.

owl89 · 02/02/2020 22:46

Yes. My children bring me so much joy. Our home is full of love. It's tiring and stressful but so worth it.

raspberryk · 02/02/2020 22:46

I really wanted kids (a baby) but actually now I have them I wouldn't do it again.
Or if I did it would not be with the man I had them with.
So far its been 9 years of exhaustion, lack of freedom with no let up in sight, I've at least 13 years remaining.
Could have done less time for murder.

Roozy123 · 02/02/2020 22:48

Yes I would.
I have a 3 year old and just turnt,5 year old. I'm also 34 weeks pregnant with my 3rd.

I love the feeling of how proud they make me and how much fun I have with them and how loved they make me feel by a random cuddle or thoughtful comment.

I dislike the lack or sleep that comes with parenting and the constant tidying up and washing.
I also dislike how sick I am the whole entire time I'm pregnant and the high anxiety I feel.

Anychance123 · 02/02/2020 22:48

It’s the absolute best thing I’ve ever done. I love my DD to bits, she makes me laugh everyday, is amazing company and I see the world through her eyes. I’m sure I would have had a full life without her, holidays are very different now and I do miss impromptu trips to the pub! But yes, no regrets at all.

Original poster
UndecidedOne · 02/02/2020 22:49

This will sounds horrible, I love my nieces and I'm not sure if it's the parenting (BIL and SIL are not the most attentive parents) but their screaming, running around in public areas and interrupting really makes me second guess myself. I haven't really been around kids much so not sure if that's the norm or not

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Ineedcoffee2345 · 02/02/2020 22:49

100 percent yes. There is no better feeling when your baby stares at you and its the look of unconditional love.

georgialondon · 02/02/2020 22:49

Yes, yes, yes!!!

LouReidDododo · 02/02/2020 22:50

Yes I would.

God things were so different pre DC. Dh and I went on amazing holidays, went out for meal on the spur of the moment, spent all day in bed Grin

But they do bring a different dimension to dh and I relationship. Even though it very tiring and demanding we get so much pleasure out of them. We now go to hotels with pools with slides in and evening entertainment but we love watching them have a great time. Xmas nativity is a killer, Christmas Day is awesome so many things to look forwards to.

It nice. It’s like filling a gap in your life you never knew existed.

Plus I know they will 100% come and look after me when I’m elderly and need to go in a home Grin

Original poster
UndecidedOne · 02/02/2020 22:50

Hubby and I have glazed over the topic, we'd be happy either way (I'm not sure if he's just saying that though). Some days I can't wait to start trying and other days I'm so glad I'm on the pill still

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