To ask, if you had your time again, would you have kids?

[UndecidedOne]

My husband and I don't have kids yet (he's 32 and I'm 27). We have bought a bigger house in preparation for starting a family, but I'm just not sure if I want kids or not. So would you have kids again if you could start over? And what do you like and dislike about being a parent?

Yes. From a purely selfish perspective I was 23 having my first and it was unexpected and hard work. First job out of uni, new relationship, had just bought a house together and wondered if it was the right thing to do but ten years and another dc later I can say it undoubtedly was, they are so much fun, add so much to our lives and haven’t held us back from achieving anything or limited us in the way I had imagined and that people told me they would. I think you could wait forever and never feel ready. Go for it!

Yes, I think it's the best thing Ive ever done, and I love the affection, humour, joy, cuteness of having little people around me. Never resent them although there's a lot of being driven crazy in the toddler years (and sure there's worse to come). I also think they make me a much better person - kinder, more patient, family-minded in general...

I also would have started a little earlier & had another one (I’ve got 3). I’ve enjoyed having them so much.
I was an only child so seeing their interactions with each other has been pretty special for me (not belittling one child families - I was very happy growing up) and I know I sound pathetic but at the moment they are my little gang.

But my eldest is 11 so I know this will change & I will be facing lots of new challenges in the coming years! But 100% no regrets.

DC can be tiresome and hardwork, you’ve seen it yourself with your nieces - I too felt like this and didn’t have a maternal bone in my body.

Having my DD was the best thing I ever did. She brought me the strength I never knew I had and I love her like nothing else. She brings me such joy from the smallest little things.

For years I was hankering for my ex to just love me and then she came along and then it all fell into place, what I was envisioned was a state of unconditional love which is what I have now.

Life will change, my days of dining out at Michelin star restaurants every weekend are long gone and have been replaced with baby ballet, baby gymnastics, baking and laughter. I wouldn’t change it for anything. Happiest I’ve ever been in my existence for sure.

Definitely. I was in my mid-30s when I had my dcs, so I'd had plenty of time for bad decisions, travel, and fun with friends. The baby/toddler years were challenging and relentless, but dcs are 12 and 13 now, and I really like them...they are just great people. I love the inside family jokes we share, the closeness, and really love seeing them working out the world and their roles in it.
There is no requirement to have kids, OP, so please don't feel pressured, but I am content with my lot, and wouldn't change it!

Yes.

On paper I had DS at the worst time for my career, it’s been financially ruinous, i had ante and postnatal mental health issues, I’ve ended up a single parent, I’ve had to leave London, and now he’s 3.5, we’re currently going through a truly awful phase of behaviour that is bringing out a VERY short tempered parent in me that I don’t like at all.

And yet. And yet. I love him like nothing else. He is my whole heart and soul. And when he snuggled up to me on the sofa tonight, with paint in his eyebrows, chocolate cake all over his face, no pants on, and fell asleep in my arms while we watched TV, I can honestly say I felt nothing but joy.

Yes yes yes.
Also, other peoples children are always annoying especially before you have kids.

You'll love your own children and their cute little running. It's totally different.

Absolutely 100%. I went through years of fertility problems and fertility treatment to have my 2 DC, and now it feels like nothing. There’s not a day goes by when I don’t look at them and am overcome by overwhelming love and thinking how lucky I am to have them.

Yes it’s hard work, yes it’s expensive, yes you don’t have much time to yourself, yes sometimes they’re a nightmare. But we (well the IVF doctors) created these (now not so) little miracles and they’re awesome!

Yes, in fact, if it was possible, I'd have at least one more. I had PND after a miscarriage as well as after both pregnancies that I carried to term, so I felt I'd be signing on for another dose of it if I went for another child, and I feared I wouldn't cope.

I felt terribly jealous of anyone I knew with 3 or more kids for years, and really struggled with the menopause because all chance of having another baby had gone.

With hindsight, I now know that I coped with everything that motherhood threw at me, and would probably have coped with another baby as well, with or without PND.

Most definitely, were the making of me.
Now, I'm enjoying grandchildren as well as their parents.
It's like getting the baby days back. You look and see the similarities in personality and it all comes back.
it's the circle of life.

Yes, I had my first at 29 and the second at 31, my husband works long hours and no family support so the early years were lonely and quite tough. They are 10 and 12 now and it is still tough going at times. I'd would have loved more children but husband is 9 years older than me and with his long hours and work commitments it would have been too much. It is hard work and I always have parent guilt about something but they are everything to me.

I'd have stopped at one. (I have three).

100% yes. They bring a joy to my life that nothing else could rival. Parenting is hard, but my family are the thing I’m so proud of. I’m not the kind of mum who puts pics all over with the caption “my world” but privately, my heart bursts with love every time I think of them. They are so cool and funny, I think my life would be dull as shit without them.

It's really really hard op. I love mine desperately. Like absolutely adore them.

But fuck me it is hard. The lack of sleep so bad you think you might pass out. The constant worry, the anxiety over their health and life. The days that just seem so repetitive and boring. Wondering when you'll ever enjoy relaxing holidays.
I worry that life won't get easier until I'm old and then I'll have my own health issues. The constant guilt and wondering if they're happy and if you've given them a good childhood. Will they be nice humans or did I fuck them up?

But who knows what my life would have been like childless?!

I should add that the main thing I dislike about parenting is having to ask 3 people 10 times each if they have brushed their teeth!

There was a point in my early 20s where I made a decision to stick with my new boyfriend (now DH) instead of moving hundreds of miles to a new job. Now I would choose the new job. I would hope I would still have had kids but everything else would be different. It hasn’t been terrible but not what I hoped for from my life.

Im honestly not sure...

I always wanted them but when people say the pros "vastly" outweigh the cons I have to admit I'm a bit baffled. To me there are so so many cons to having children and teeny tiny snippets of pros. For every 5 minutes they do something adorable you have 5 days of utter drudgery and relentless, mind numbingly boredom that goes along with small DC. I'm hopeful it will "pay off" when they're a bit older but for the most part I'm afraid to say the experience of being a mother (not the DC themselves) has been a complete disappointment

That's a really tough one to answer as having kids and not having kids can turn your life in completely different directions.
I love my kids (I have quite a few) and enjoy all the ages and stages and for the most part love family life with everything that brings but if I could do it again I wouldn't as I've experienced it this time. Making a life without kids would be a considered purposeful decision to take my life in a different direction from having a family, to do different things and have a different set of experiences of life but only because I have already had kids.
It's perfectly normal to wonder whether you would be a good parent, enjoy being a parent and to question whether you even like children. It doesn't necessarily mean you shouldn't have children but it doesn't automatically mean you should go ahead and have children either. If you're unsure dont pressure yourself, wait, talk to someone close you trust, talk to family, friends, your partner, friends with kids, friends without. You will figure out what you want or dont want along the way.

At your age I had a career that was going really well I was very close to my wedding day and I was in an office with a consultant explaining to me that I had a cancerous tumour and a very limited time frame to salvage some eggs if I wanted to have biological children of my own
I had no idea if I wanted children
In those shoes what would your answer be?

Yes, but I would have had them later in life.

What @surlycurly said
I would probably have had my first but not the other 3 (different dads).
I never envisaged ending up as a single parent, 2 kids with ASD, one with ADHD as well, with no financial support from either Ex, living 100s of miles from family network and having to do absolutely everything myself. I'm permanently skint, knackered and stressed about having to make life-changing decisions on behalf of these small humans, hoping they don't end up in counselling in later years because of a decision I made.
That being said, I do quite like my eldest who is nearly 18 now. Almost like having another adult in the house.
The others have their moments but mostly it's just bloody relentless monotonous hard work. 24/7, 365.

I'd have them a little sooner so that I could have more of them. I really wish I'd had one (or two) more.

Yes definitely!!

I'm 35 in June & have a 8 month old! I'm glad I waited now, I wanted to have children with someone I loved and saw myself with hopefully forever! I didn't meet him till I was 31 and we were friends for the first year.

My LO literally is on my mind all the time, and the worrying is constant, mostly about the smallest things! But it's so worth it & I love her more than life.

I'd like to have another hopefully at 36, then that's us done. Practically we can only afford two & have enough room for two.

Yes absolutely- now they're a bit older! Baby stage I found very hard.
No rush for you at 27, wait and see!

I would give birth to my DC every day, over and over, if it meant spending that day with them. The light, life and pride of my heart.

I regret the father I gave them. I wish I had had the family life I dreamt of. I grieve it.

However I would not have the specific lovely DC I have without their father being their father. Also - if I'd not had my DC, I would probably still be married...

Children are as complicated as life are. It's a very hard question to answer. If I were taking just my DC personality into the equation, it would be an unreserved yes. I just regret how I fucked up the family bit.