To ask, if you had your time again, would you have kids?

[UndecidedOne]

My husband and I don't have kids yet (he's 32 and I'm 27). We have bought a bigger house in preparation for starting a family, but I'm just not sure if I want kids or not. So would you have kids again if you could start over? And what do you like and dislike about being a parent?

This is a a tough one, I love my kids and have been so blessed to have raised them, but if I had my time again....does that mean I get to hold onto the joy and memories of them but be magically young again? If so I’d probably not have them and do all the cool stuff I would have done were I not tied to children but that’s because I did have them already and now I’d be doing something new. Do they exist in an alternate universe ? Can I visit? ...am I over thinking this .... in answer to your question kids are great but they aren’t everything

A few years ago I’m not sure I’d have said yes though. My eldest is nearly 14 and now he’s pretty independent so needs less physical looking a after as well as very bright and you can have a proper decent grown up conversation and interactions with him.

100% would redo and have my kids

Yes, and at least two more if I had started earlier.

Absolutely. It is the best thing I ever did!
But I would only advise it if you actively want them 110% & are totally at a point where your wishes are secondary, wanting to put the child first. Otherwise that makes for resentful parenting.

Now, yes I would, they are brilliant and funny and I love the people they are becoming.

If you had asked about 3 years ago, I would have said no, no way, just don’t do it, babies and toddlers are a bloody nightmare and never again.

They get far more acceptable once they get to school and you can escape them a bit.

Of course...my boys are fabulous and the world wouldn't be the same without them!

Definitely, but just have one!
The screaming and running around is for such a short period, it gets better as they get older

Absolutely! Sooner than I did.

Nope. Didn't want them this time around and still wouldn't want them if I had my time again!

Yes, happiest time in my life so far has been since having DD.

I do miss the lack of responsibility though. My partner and I used to lie in bed all day and watch tv and order pizza. Only time we do that now is if someone has the flu and there’s a toddler in between us xD

Hmmm. Im not sure. My kids are fantastic...I love them with all my heart and have given my life over for them. But the state of the planet now...and the political sphere...I’m not sure I would. I do look at my child free friends and the things they do and the money they have and wish I could have done both. 😂

I’d say yes, but if you’d have asked me that about 6 months ago I might have given you a different response.

We only have 1, who is almost 7, and we have just started TTC a second because it is SOOOO hard that I couldn’t imagine anything worse than having another up until now. You have to give up so much freedom and headspace and if I’m honest I’ve struggled with it.

I had DS at 30 and I thought at the time that was pretty old, but given the chance again I’d either do much more travelling and stuff before I was 30, or wait another few years and cram a bit more in first.

I had to think about it but the answer is yes.

Children bring out something else in you. You find the lioness to protect them, the ability to put someone before yourself, completely and without reservation. You discover determination and distress and ways to cope. You learn so much about yourself. And they love you. Like nobody else will ever love you. When they are little you are their whole world. You experience joy in the tiniest of things. When the whole face lights up because they saw a duck. I mean, what adult gets excited about that? You completely rediscover the world from the perspective of a child and it's both glorious and terrifying to them.

It is hard, it does strip you of money and freedom and experiences but honestly I love like I didn't know was possible.

As for your relatives (nieces and nephews) I wouldn't pay any attention to your feelings for them. Having you own children is completely different. I couldn't care less about other people's kids in comparison to my feelings for my own.

But whatever you choose I would say is not important. What's important is to accept whichever path you take and embrace it. Because being childless could be equally rewarding as long as you don't always look back and think 'what if'. I'd be a hell of a lot richer!!!

Yes I would although I'd probably have my first younger.
I'm only 27 and had DS at 26 but I'd probably start around 22.

No. The climate crisis is real and will only get worse and worse. I love my children so much it hurts; I wish I hadn't brought them into this world. Sorry, I know that sounds negative but it's true.

Yes, yes, yes.

Lots of things I wouldn't do, but that's not one of them.

Has absolutely no relevance to you though, and you're not sure. My mother always regretted having children - not us, but children. She didn't enjoy raising us even though she loved us and appreciated us as we got older. I don't resent her for feeling that way, but I think my kids got the better deal.

I absolutely would. I was a late starter (37) and second at 42, so probably not optimum!
The first baby terror (where’s the person that knows what they’re doing) is very real but you soon get past that.
Teenage years are a challenge in lots of ways, but I love my two so much and would be bereft without them.
I love the adults that they are becoming and I’m looking forward to our joint future.
You’re still very young OP, no need to rush, but I know if I’d started sooner I’d have more than 2.

Honestly no. If I knew all what I knew now, i wouldn't.

I would have had another one.

I was 18 when dd was born and regretted getting pregnant (accident) but now I wouldn’t change it. I’ll be 30 and dd will be in high school, and she’ll be 18 before I’m even 40 and the thought of being totally free with no one depending on me for everything before I’m even out of my 30s makes me very happy to think about. Dd is 4 now and I don’t think we’ll have another baby.

Abso-FUCKING-lutely yes!

Honestly I can't answer your question.

I will say that having your own child is not like knowing someone else's child. You will know them and they you right from the start and you'll learn from each other, in turn you'll have a better understanding of other children and their parents. Nobody is perfect.

You're 27, don't think about trying for a baby just yet. Give it a good eighteen months or so,

I love both of my children fiercely and have no regrets at all, however, I have found parenthood very hard as I've done much of it alone. So I think if I am honest, I probably wouldn't OR I would have had them both much younger. The one thing I definitely wouldn't do is get married again!

Difficult question. On good days I'd say absolutely, on bad days definitely not.

Mine is 5 yrs and is mostly lovely and great to be around now. However, the first 5 years have also been incredibly challenging, stressful and financially draining.

It's just the responsibility is so huge and all encompassing. Your life changes beyond recognition. Some people cope better than others with that.

I do think that having family close by who are willing to help is a huge factor. I have friends who live round the corner from their parents and without doubt, they have had a far easier time of parenthood than those with no help (us included)