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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask, if you had your time again, would you have kids?

416 replies

UndecidedOne · 02/02/2020 22:32

My husband and I don't have kids yet (he's 32 and I'm 27). We have bought a bigger house in preparation for starting a family, but I'm just not sure if I want kids or not. So would you have kids again if you could start over? And what do you like and dislike about being a parent?

OP posts:
Bigearringsbigsmile · 02/02/2020 23:18

absolutely.
They are the joy of my life. They have brought me so much pleasure over the years it's unreal.
They make me smile every single day of their lives.

Mummyscrewedup · 02/02/2020 23:18

No because it took me having kids to realise I'm rubbish and I have two beautiful kids who deserve so much better

LightTripper · 02/02/2020 23:19

Yes, definitely. It's definitely not always easy (they are 5 and 2 now, so just starting to get some time back to ourselves) and I know there will be challenges again (teenagers ... yikes!) but they are so much fun and I'm very proud of them.

Having said that, I don't think I would have been devastated not to have kids. You never know of course, but there are lots of things I'm sure I haven't done because I've been occupied with them (just due to lack of time and energy). So, although I totally don't regret having kids, I probably wouldn't have regretted not having them either: I just would have filled my life with different things!

Randomname85 · 02/02/2020 23:19

My daughter is three and she’s a complete firecracker. She still wakes every 2 hours and is very head strong and often hard work. That said I cannot imagine life without her now and I also look at the bigger picture - I can’t imagine the next 20+ years without seeing her through school, watching her graduate (if she wishes), watching her marry and have kids (if she wishes) and just having that lifelong family bond we all have.

Randomname85 · 02/02/2020 23:20

I guess I kind of feel like ‘what’s the point’ if I didn’t have kids. TOTALLY my personal feeling before anyone who doesn’t want/have children jumps down my throat.

Randomname85 · 02/02/2020 23:21

Oh also to add I had my daughter at 33 and at 27 I thought I probably didn’t want kids!

BettyAll1 · 02/02/2020 23:22

Hanging out with other people’s toddlers is the best form of contraceptive there is Grin

You don’t have to be an all child loving earth mother to become a parent, you just have to love your own.

saraclara · 02/02/2020 23:23

Yep, absolutely. I wasn't a broody maternal type about other people's kids, but my own kids turned out to be an entirely different matter. I loved being a mum (still do, but now they're grown up and I'm a grandma too!)

leli · 02/02/2020 23:23

Yes. My two are grown-ups and I begin to look at the last third of my life. I always loved mine when they were little babies and as hard work children and teenagers but the best bit has been having them as grown up wonderful eccentric not perfect but 'my' people friends. We work as a team and I feel lucky having these people in my life through my old age to come. I have a number of childless friends and they really, really regret not having, or being able to have, children.

But I did have mine when I was longing to be pregnant so I'd wait till you feel that OP.

SnoozyLou · 02/02/2020 23:23

Yes.

Ikeepbuyinganimals · 02/02/2020 23:24

You could be me! Don't have anything helpful to add but it's nice to know someone out there who feels like me about the whole thing. We started trying two years ago as it seemed like the right time, and it became all consuming for a while, but took a step back - to not trying but not not trying - and I'm a bit relieved every month I'm not pregnant 😕 Have a husband like yours who says he doesn't mind but I think he might be saying that just so I have to make the final call... And still haven't really made up my mind, will just let things run its course and deal with whatever happens. I'm not much older than you. Hope you manage a decision, the responses to this question are always interesting x

happyandsingle · 02/02/2020 23:24

Yes but only now shes older. Hated the baby and toddler years with a passion but that could of been influenced by being a single parent from when she was born.

AhhARadoxBath · 02/02/2020 23:24

Difficult to say, if I was still with my ex then no.. As much as I'd never change ds for anything. I have zero support from. His dad and havent in 14 yrs, when I ask he patronises me. Ds thinks he's the best ever.

However if I'd of met dh back then.. Without a doubt yes.. And prob a fair few lol. Dh would love a huge family.. We have 2 together and 1 each from previous relationships. Youngest being 12 days and he's already hoping if change my mind about another lol..

Original poster
UndecidedOne · 02/02/2020 23:24

Lots of different things to think about. Someone commented about the moments with their kids they loved, the after bath cuddles and things like that. Reminded me of my childhood and how much I enjoyed watching tv in bed with mum and playing with mum and dad. I'm starting to think that maybe I do want children, but just not yet. There's still a few things I want to do, just my husband and I.

Thanks for your honest and insightful comments everyone, please feel free to continue to comment as I find each of your experiences, the good and bad very thought provoking

OP posts:
boredwithfootball · 02/02/2020 23:24

100% yes - they are my world. I can't imagine life without them.

Original poster
UndecidedOne · 02/02/2020 23:27

@Ikeepbuyinganimals oh you sound just like me! Also, I think I can relate to your username 😂. I hope you and your hubby work out what's best for you guys!

OP posts:
runrabbitrunrunrun · 02/02/2020 23:29

Yes absolutely. I have a huge maternal urge which I think some people have and some people don’t. I felt almost incomplete without my children as sad as that may sound.

To change perspective how would you feel if your parents felt like this before you. If you’re not sure kids are right for you then it’s unfair to bring them into this world just because of societal pressure.

AllNewThings · 02/02/2020 23:30

I'm not sure I would. I certainly wouldn't have five. WTF were we thinking?

AllNewThings · 02/02/2020 23:31

Teenagers are too hard. The baby bit was easy.

JellyfishandShells · 02/02/2020 23:31

I would - and I’d have another to make three. I wasn’t a baby person ie cooing at everyone else’s babies , and found other people’s children annoying and ill mannered but it is entirely different when they are yours.

I’ve loved every stage.

Deadringer · 02/02/2020 23:32

Absofuckinglutely!

ClappyFlappy · 02/02/2020 23:33

Difficult one. Part of me would say no, as I honestly think if I’d never had them I’d still be happy but have a lot less stress in my life. However they are great people and I do think my world would be a worse place without them in it. So I probably still would x

Sisiwawa · 02/02/2020 23:34

100% Yes!
Way more fulfilling than i thought it would be. Yes, sometimes its really hard work, emotionally and financially but well worth it, i didnt feel ready til I was 35, so you've got years yet!

rhowton · 02/02/2020 23:35

Listen to @RhubarbTea !! She is wise and I feel like she gets me 👌🏽

TinklyLittleLaugh · 02/02/2020 23:35

Yes, we have 4, mostly grown up now, and they are the joy of our lives. All of ours were good as gold until they hit the rebellious teen years and once through that, it been all good.

Lots and lots of love and kindness in our family, which sadly has made me rethink a little bit how I was brought up. DH is a great dad though and has pulled me through the bits I struggled with.