To ask, if you had your time again, would you have kids?

[UndecidedOne]

My husband and I don't have kids yet (he's 32 and I'm 27). We have bought a bigger house in preparation for starting a family, but I'm just not sure if I want kids or not. So would you have kids again if you could start over? And what do you like and dislike about being a parent?

I am quite a selfish person and I struggled with being at home with 2 little ones - why wasn't there much money any more? Why couldn't I lie in if I wanted to? Why was I tied all the time? I never regretted having them but tbh I loved it when they started to become independent and good company - I found the baby years so boring. Now I love my little family to bits - both married with a child each - I can't imagine life without them and go cold at the thought that they might not have existed!! Good luck with whatever you decide.

Absolutely yes, we have four very close in age. Life has been tough at times we have no family help there’s just DH and I (I was a SAHM for 12 years) luckily DH earns a decent wage so the DC never really missed out on anything. I think we were lucky in that they’ve all been healthy, no SN, great babies and toddlers. I never found it draining or dull being at home with them in fact now I’m working I find it dull compared to being at home and making your own schedule with toddlers.

Ask people who have been through the teen years. I am not sure people have any perspective at all on that when the kids are young. Having kids is completely emotionally traumatic and you are stuck with worrying about them FOR EVER. It is not selfish to say you would rather not. You can be an amazing nurturing valuable person without having kids. I love mine so much that saying I'd rather have not had them is impossible. They are here. I adore them. But my childless-by choice friends are lovely happy generous people and none regret their decision.

Our children are in their 30s, and, as soon as they left home, we travelled. They're only utterly dependent on you for 10 to 20 years, which goes by like a flash. Though I appreciate that it doesn't feel like that when they're younger. There will be plenty of time to do everything you want to do when they are older. The world will still be out there.
I found having babies and toddlers really hard work - I'm not that kind of mum. But, from then onwards it just got better and better.
Plus, you end up with adult children who love you, and for you to love. What is there to regret?
I'm very glad that I had more than one child though - I think having, and being, an only child is very difficult.
Lastly - my parents are elderly. I'm not close to my mum, but I and my brother and sister all are there for them, and can help out when needed. I would hate to be frail and elderly with no children. You might have lots of good friends, but they won't be able to help, as they will be frail and elderly themselves. Or dead.

@Gone2far YOU have adult children who love you and who you love. That's not true of everyone is it? Many many people fall out with their children/parents.

Old people can be frail and elderly with children who they never see (for various reasons). Or as I said before, children can die before you. My neighbour in her 90's is starting to get frail. She had 4 children but they are all dead.

@Gone2far Children are YOUR reason for living. They are not everyone's and that is an insult to anyone who wanted children but could not have them.

Children do not bring joy to everyone either. Have you even read through this thread?

For some people travel, careers etc do bring joy and they should not be judged on that.

For me, my husband has brought me love and joy for 40 years and, hopefully, for many more. Also my dogs and cats have bought enormous joy without the hassle that children too often bring

Read the title of the thread FFS.
It asks what I think. I posted what I think, in MY situation. I'm not so stupid to think that it covers anybody else's situation.
And they are very definitely NOT my reason for living. Just take 2 minutes to actually read what people have posted. I think that that attitude would be an impossible burden for any child to carry.

thepinterestedparent.com/2013/12/before-there-was-you-a-mommys-poem/

Brought more than a tear to my eye.
There's more too. Google 'parenting poem'.

All very true. It's not always quantifiable. It's emotional. For business people too. There are RARE abusive exceptions for which there's a fully operational social services safety net. But in 99.9% of cases up and down the world, millions of families, who'd do everything for their children and homes filled with love. The love is indescribable and a natural response. It's unconditional and deeper than romantic love.
My children mean the world to me. So much so that I can hardly bear the tale above of the 90 year old lady who's lost all four of her babies. However old they were. She must be devastated, but that's surely a rare case to use.

I would have them, but with someone else.

Definitely not. That doesn't mean I regret having them though. This is such a personal and multi layered issue.

I find loving my children to be the most amazing thing, but it's also incredibly painful at times.

@Gone2far sorry my second post was not meant for you but for the poster who said children are the reason for living

No I wouldn't have them. I love them now with all my heart and try my best to be a good parent but by God it's hard work and not for me. I yearn for my child free days

Yes of course if I had my time I'd do it again.
And yes there are many many things I could say I don't like about it (especially at the minute) but ultimately the love, just the fact that I have her and it's a fact that I love her and that's just embedded it just makes it worthwhile.

Yes I would, I'd have them in my twenties and I'd have more. But I'm old and poor so not an option now!

I’m loving being a mum and would do it again. We didn’t have our DD until our late 30s......I’m glad we waited, it was the perfect time for us, we were ready (as much as you can be) both emotionally and financially. She’s a very calm easy going 5 year old. As others have said one is pretty easy to manage once you’ve got through the baby/toddler years. Our lives run fairly smoothly with just the three of us to think about. We definitely shan’t be having anymore.

I’m not sure how I’d have coped with more than one though and/or having them in my 20s....(I know I personally wasn’t ready to have that responsibility in any shape or form back then). We have a few friends that had three DC and it looks full on and at times utter chaos to me. Whilst some would thrive on that situation, I know it’s not for me.

I didn't have children. I just didn't want to. I'm now post menopausal and have no regrets (and in fact am constantly thankful that I didn't do it). If I had my time again I still wouldn't have them.