To ask, if you had your time again, would you have kids?

[UndecidedOne]

My husband and I don't have kids yet (he's 32 and I'm 27). We have bought a bigger house in preparation for starting a family, but I'm just not sure if I want kids or not. So would you have kids again if you could start over? And what do you like and dislike about being a parent?

From the other side, I’m almost 36 and don’t have kids and hugely regret not making more of an effort to date and meet the right man in my 20s. I always knew I wanted kids though and as a teacher, former full time carer for a disabled relative, Auntie to kids who don’t have a mum and adoptive auntie to many of my friend’s kids I’ve got a good insight into what parenting consists of and am not viewing things with rose tinted glasses. Being childless has been a great source of pain.

I’d also say you are young enough to postpone the decision for a couple of years. I changed a lot between 27 and 30 and I think, personally, between 30 and 34 would have been the ideal time for starting and growing a family, providing there were no medical issues outstanding.

Yes and sooner.

Yes absolutely without a doubt.
There have been difficult times (there still are) but I have never seen my kids as being a-holes and I have never resented them.

How old are you?

Yes, they are a joy and a wonder to me. They're teenage now and 95% of the time are great company. I also loved it when they were babies, toddlers and children. I am quite a maternal person though... On the down side my career has been wrecked by years of part time work and our disposable income has been very reduced. But I do not for a second regret having my children.

yes

Oh I’ve just seen your 27 I’d wait a few more years.

I asked this question to lots of people and most said although they love and adore them they'd be childless if they did it all again. My friend had a baby at 42 as a single parent and we help out having baby a night a week. I adore her but it's tedious and the getting up every 2 hours does me in. I am so glad I didn't have any! Thank goodness for those that do, if everyone were like me the population would have died out!

I always wanted children tried for 11yrs eventually got my baby in 2000. I can tell you now it is a journey of the unknown. They do not come with a book on what to do when things go wrong. He is now 19yrs old I have cried buckets over what he has got up to drugs, criminal damage, idiotic friends, suicide attempts (one on Mothers day) I could go on. He is 19 now and things are a bit calmer. He is a clever lad but lacks motivation.
I just wanted to let you know that parenting is the hardest task out there. There is no right and wrong you just wing it half the time. On the plus side I will never ever regret having my baby I would honestly die for him but just be prepared for the unknown as you will never know how it will all turn out.

Yes, I would really have regretted not having any. I love watching DD grow up and hearing a toddler’s take on the world.

And yet, I really miss lie-ins. And travel. I could travel with DD, but it wouldn’t be relaxing or spontaneous. I miss the feeling of freedom, but the sacrifice has been worth it.

Yes, I would. I am amazed by the depths of my love for my children. They will never know how much, how deeply and how fiercely I love them; it cannot be conveyed in words.

What @surlycurly said ^^

I feel more fulfilled or maybe myself from things like travel, hobbies, friends, reading and creative pursuits. All things which are largely crushed by having a child.

Not a chance in hell.

I love my dc very much but the even bigger bonus is my dgs who is the best thing ever.

Yes definitely. I love my children more than anything else in the world. There have been hard times and it makes life harder in many ways but I wouldn’t be without them

I adore my children and couldn't unwish them.
Paradoxically, I could have had a good life without them if I hadn't wanted them in the first place.

yes without hesitation. I was 34 and DH was 39 when we had our first. Similar game gap to you and I wouldn't have done it any sooner TBH

100% yes. I have 2 very young ones and I don’t always find parenting easy. I’m not particularly maternal and I don’t like children other than my own. I miss parts of my old life, the lie ins, the freedom, disposable income but I would never ever change what I have now, they are the loves of my life.

This might help you make your mind up.......

Yes and no. Its been so fucking hard. But I don’t know what my life would be without them. But it’s so so hard. The guilt is relentless.

oops age gap !

Yes definitely and would have had them earlier and possible more if I'd started earlier

Yes. My DC were the making of me.

I have never felt love like it. True unconditional love.

But, children also take you to dark dark places too (sleep deprivation, tantrums, moods etc etc). It’s strange, there are happy vs. irrationally “ahhh, I’m going to kill you” moments all the time.

I have always (secretly) asked this question of myself because life without DC would be entirely different. And yet I would do it all again, because despite it being hard and utterly bonkers sometimes, being a parent changed me; it changed me for the better. You become selfless. More caring. I was a selfish git pre DC, I had a sharp tongue, I didn’t necessarily consider other people’s hardships or their crazy lives with children.

Once you have a child, you have the ability to influence (good bad) another person’s whole life and psyche. Not for 10 years, or 18, or until they leave home. It’s forever. You’ll make a lasting impression on them. It’s pretty scary really!

Yes. I really like mine.

Yes. My DD is great. Given the choice I might have started younger and had more than one.
No regrets.
But I probably am more tired and I spend more time than I want to tidying up.