Charging your children rent

[mumto2teenagers]

Genuinely looking for opinions as DH and I disagree on this.

We have 2 DD’s.

DD1 - in second year at uni living away from home. She receives the basic maintenance amount as part of her student loan but this only covers approx 1/2 of her rent, she also has a part time job and uses that money for food and general expenses. Anything she has left she puts towards her rent. We then pay the rest of her rent. She comes home in holidays, works part time and saves this money for the next term at uni, we don’t charge her rent for the time she is at home.

DD2 - is currently deciding what to do after her A levels. She is not keen on uni so is considering either an apprenticeship or full time employment.

If DD2 is working full time would you charge her rent because she now has a full time job.

One of us thinks rent should start when you get a full time job the other thinks this is unfair on DD2 as her sister stays in holidays rent free and we still support her as she chose to go to uni.

I do think generally though that charging some sort of ‘rent’ (whether going into savings or whether needed for household bills) for a young full time working adult living at home is a good lesson in the realities of adult finances.
I think the best lessons to teach them about managing their finances are that if you work hard, get a good degree, have impressive work experience and secure a higher paid job with good prospects, it’s much easier to make ends meet.
I agree with MyuMe. Understanding that money doesn’t usually grow on trees and that you prioritise essentials is very easy to understand. They don’t need several years practice.

I just feel like you’re paying part of DD1’s rent so she’s getting a whole load of money from you that DD2 isn’t getting.

If DD2 starts paying rent then you will essentially pass that money on to DD1 to pay their rent...

I do understand where you’re coming from but agree that maybe DD2 should be told that you won’t charge them if they agree to save some money each month. That way they are both reaping a financial benefit from you as most young people in their first jobs cannot afford to save.

To not breed resentment between the children, I would suggest that until you pay the rent for your uni child, dont take rent from the second child.

DD1 - lets say gets for example 250 support with her rent bc not living at home, if she would live at home, her board would be the same
DD2 - doesnt get the same 250, because she lives at home, and so "consumes it" as her board

summer time - free for both of them, you dont have to pay rent for DD1, but she "consumes" the amount at home

the time when BOTH of DDs will work, and neither of them get paid "uni-rent-money-support", then both will pay rent (if they stay at home).

I cant see how it would be fair otherwise. Supporting one, but taking money from the other? very very UNFAIR

the only exception would be, if DD1 got the rent-support money with a condition, that she pays it back to you.
so in this case:
DD1 - get 250 rent -support as a loan and she pays it back
DD2 - pays rent 250

imho

We are in the same situation.
DD at uni gets basic maintenance loan due to family income which doesn't even cover her rent, we help her out a lot financially.
DS is doing an apprenticeship earning £4.20 an hour. we don't charge him rent as he doesn't take home a lot, however after a lot of discussion we did stop his allowance and he took on his mobile phone contract and running costs of his car but we still pay his expensive car insurance ( as we do for his sister) No doubt many will think we are too soft but it is hard when you have 2 DC close in age to send money to one and while charging the other rent. If DS was earning loads obviously it would be different but all the time he's in an apprenticeship we won't charge him rent.
Incidentally my parents charged me rent as soon as I had a part time job at 15!

MyuMe you are very fortunate if you have never met a young person who has not learned to budget, sadly I have met many, including in my wider family. One relation is currently being evicted from her rented home for non payment (despite endless bailing out from concerned family and friends), another sofa surfs.

And, unfortunately, gaining a degree is no promise of a 'well paid job'.

My DS is currently at uni so we have not yet had to consider 'board and lodging' and although he works on the holidays we would not charge him then but if (& I honestly hope he does not ) he lives at home after graduating we would expect a contribution towards board (which we would save for him) plus evidence that he is saving towards a deposit etc.

My DB lived at home until his early 30s, of course he paid 'board & lodging' to our parents.

I wouldn’t charge my children or any family member rent.

You’re absolutely right ragwort but I think that charging children ‘rent’ is a misguided way of teaching them about budgeting. It’s better to have that as an ongoing lesson as they grow up, rather than suddenly announcing that aged 21 you are going to be taking some of their money.

I understand that some people need it, and that’s different.

However, even for people who take it but put it in a savings account are missing the point a bit. When you are saving, the whole point of it is that you have ownership and control over those savings. I can remember opening my first savings account in my early twenties and finding it exciting. Taking that away from them is not teaching them how to budget.

For the poster saying financial sense is very simple, yes it is on paper but sometimes things are harder than that in reality.

I can see what you’re saying deareloise but the reason I am happy to support and pay for my DS to live at home is so that he can save. The fact is while I would love him to have the discipline to guarantee to save the money, I am not convinced he yet would. Although to be fair that is beginning to change now.

The ‘lesson’ for a full time working adult as DS is, is that there is a cost of living. I don’t want him to get used to having and spending the extra £500 a month and get an enormous shock when he moves out. I’d rather be got used to living on salary less £500 as if he wasn’t paying it to me (to save) he’d be paying it in real rent.

I think it wouldn't be fair to charge rent to one and not to other because of different choices. That said I think I would make it conditional- if you are still in education OR putting an amount into savings. And put an age limit on it - say 22 for both.

I wouldn't take rent and keep it back in a savings account for them just because they are adults and responsible for their own finances. They get to make a choice with what happens to the money they earn. If they don't like your suggestions they

Whilst it is and always will be their home, homes aren't free for anyone. So it's not an unreasonable conversation to have with them even if the upshot is in real terms you'll still be supporting them. But have it with them both not just Dd2 so they know they have the same rule

I think there are 2 different issues in this thread (how I see it):

1. children pay or not pay board/rent in general
2. while you subsidize one of your child in uni, you take rent from the other child

IF you charge board/rent, then be fair to all of your children

in this case, I think (as I said above), no rent for DD2, therefore no resentment between the sisters

so that you support both of your DDs equally
DD1 - doesnt live at home, gets uni rent-support in cash
DD2 - does live at home, gets support in natureales (board)

the minute you stop paying DD1 the rent-support, you can ask for board/rent from DD2

just imho

Speaking as someone who was charged rent, charge them rent. I have never been the best with managing my money, but in fifteen years of living away from home I've missed rent once. And that time was because I sent it to "Mom" instead of "Mike" (fat thumbs are my curse). I have never missed rent because from the age of fifteen, rent was solidly non negotiable. It set a precedent that has stood me in good stead my entire adult life.

You can charge them proportionate to their relative earnings, but the point is to charge them SOMETHING that they can manage but that means something and that is non negotiable. Set that precedent now and it will carry them through adulthood with the mentality that fun is fun but rent is mandatory.

I think if you charge them you save it for them. My bills didn’t go down when DD left home and it’s my choice to keep her empty bedroom for her.

Rent/mortgage comes around soon enough, let them have some carefree years

Not sure if it's been mentioned but apprentice wage is only £3.90 phr and under 18 wage is £4.35 phr.

It seems unfair charging rent when she won't be earning that much. Even full time she won't come out with a lot.
And then add the fact you're not charging the other Daughter, but actually helping her would probably seem like a slap in the face for her. Favouritism at its finest.

My 18yr old has a full time joinery job working for a company and receives minimum wage. Brings home about a grand a month.
I did charge him fifty pounds a week innitially but as he has a car to run ( insurance has dropped this year to 900!) We decided thirty pounds was fair to basically just cover food.
We worked out his outgoings and he is still left with about 700 a month which is plenty and he wants to save half of that.
If we dont teach them,how will they learn.
I may even suggest if he can save 5000,I will top him up with worth 500.
I'm a single mum and trying to teach my children to budget and save like I do.

If one of you feel bad taking money off DD2 and can afford not to not, yet the other thinks it should start with a full time job, why don’t you compromise and charge her a certain amount every payday but save for her future, like a house deposit? That seems a bit fairer for everyone really.

I'm not rich and the moment my DD turns 18 I loose my council tax discount,child benefit and the small amount of money her father gives me so will be a few hundred pounds worse off.
I have savings for if she goes to uni but if she got a job would expect board and a big step up on housework(she is not bad so far).
She wants to do a foundation course before that.She wanted to share a flat with a friend but we did the sums on that and she knows I can't afford it.A compromuse us paying for driving lessons and then helping out with a car so she has more independence and it opens up the range of part time jobs that she can get to(rural area almost no buses)

It’s different if you can’t manage without it, hag, but this idea of charging someone ‘rent’ as a lesson is baffling to me, as baffling as paying your mortgage off but continuing to make the payments as a lesson.

Give them a bill to cover 😊

Electric, gas, water, broadband package

If the choose the electric bill they’ll soon turn lights off, the gas bill and you’ll all be wearing silly jumpers 😅

Life is a learning curve

Just the fact of writing on cards the type of bill one side and the cost per month the other may help alter them to what’s happening to keep the household running

So what if your child gets married and have 2 children, both are earning good money and still live with you and don’t ever want to move out, do you still never charge them rent because they are your children?

So my married child is living with me with my grandchildren?

That’s slightly different - and highly unlikely - to charging someone in the first flush of adult life rent just because.

All these saying they’d never charge, what if your ‘child’ is still there at 25 and earning 30K a year?

I think that charging children ‘rent’ is a misguided way of teaching them about budgeting. It’s better to have that as an ongoing lesson as they grow up, rather than suddenly announcing that aged 21 you are going to be taking some of their money

I completely disagree. Having experiwnced that, and having never been taught any iota of budgeting management growing up I struggled massively when suddenly thrust into the adult world. As a result we will definitely be "charging" a small nominal amount of "rent" money, that we'll put away for them, to help them start to understand "I need to remember to set aside x amount for rent". It seems such a small thing but it's part of wiring the mindset for "have to save part of this" rather than "I have all of this to spend!", something I personally was sorely missing growing up.

How on earth can someone not understand that?

To be honest, I would rather my children didn’t pay anybody rent. A mortgage, yes. And charging them ‘rent’ hardly helps that, does it.

To be honest, I would rather my children didn’t pay anybody rent. A mortgage, yes. And charging them ‘rent’ hardly helps that, does it

Well no one likes paying rent do they ? But it’s a fact of life.

Many parents who charge “ rent “ are able to save some of it to help with a deposit.

Many others charge rent because they need it. You lose child benefit and some other benefits if your adult child is working, you will lose council tax discount. Many non resident parents( dads ) stop paying any child support at this stage and expect the mum to pay all the costs for Their child. They prefer to be Mr Big Shot giving expensive gifts and let boring old mum worry about the gas bill and housework insurance.

I don’t know why so many struggle to understand that not everyone is as well off as they are or has the same family circumstances.

I haven’t struggled to understand it; this is the third time I have stated it’s completely different if the family need it.

However, charging your own family to live in their home as a lesson is as baffling and as alien to me as voluntarily giving the bank your mortgage money after it is paid off. I really can’t understand that at all.

I do understand that some use it to save for their child. However, my feeling is that this takes the control and discipline away from the child onto the parent which isn’t conducive for adult living.