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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Charging your children rent

211 replies

mumto2teenagers · 29/01/2020 06:59

Genuinely looking for opinions as DH and I disagree on this.

We have 2 DD’s.

DD1 - in second year at uni living away from home. She receives the basic maintenance amount as part of her student loan but this only covers approx 1/2 of her rent, she also has a part time job and uses that money for food and general expenses. Anything she has left she puts towards her rent. We then pay the rest of her rent. She comes home in holidays, works part time and saves this money for the next term at uni, we don’t charge her rent for the time she is at home.

DD2 - is currently deciding what to do after her A levels. She is not keen on uni so is considering either an apprenticeship or full time employment.

If DD2 is working full time would you charge her rent because she now has a full time job.

One of us thinks rent should start when you get a full time job the other thinks this is unfair on DD2 as her sister stays in holidays rent free and we still support her as she chose to go to uni.

OP posts:
TheQueenBeyondTheWall · 29/01/2020 18:32

We charged £50 a week and it covered food and all toiletries etc but we put it to one side when they were ready to move out.

bringbackspanishflu · 29/01/2020 19:08

My parents charged me rent when I was 18 and in full time employment.

Gin96 · 29/01/2020 19:16

So adult children can live at home in there 40’s who are working and not pay rent?

user1487194234 · 29/01/2020 19:18

I would only charge my DC if I was skint

corythatwas · 29/01/2020 19:23

Those of you saying you wouldn't dream charging your children to live in your home, don't you expect your dh to contribute to bills and board either? Why is it different for your adult children, particularly when they might get to a stage where they earn more than you?

When dd lived at home she was earning the same as me, but only had to contribute a smallish percentage: she could afford a far better social life than I could (and to be fair to her, she recognised this and would have paid more had I asked).

Russellbrandshair · 29/01/2020 19:28

Those of you saying you wouldn't dream charging your children to live in your home

I said that and I was referring to the daughter who had only just started her apprenticeship. Apprenticeships do NOT pay highly at all and when you start out in your career it’s usually on the bottom rung of the ladder. So no, I would not charge then. Once they have established their career and are earning a decent wage I’d feel it was then appropriate to charge rent although I would expect they would have moved out by that time.

You can’t compare your child to your husband. but if my husband was suddenly made redundant then yes, I would cover him financially until he was back on his feet. That’s because I love him. It’s not exactly hard to comprehend that!

mummmy2017 · 29/01/2020 19:32

Can you not see that some point you say oh pay up now, your child then calls you all the names, because your talking their money

Imok · 29/01/2020 19:50

It would be lovely to think that we wouldn't need to ask for a contribution from an adult DC, but sadly, it just isn't always possible. I think that's especially true nowadays when children can still be living at home much later than my generation.
We agreed to only ask for a contribution towards the variable costs of the household - food, gas, electricity etc, once dcs were in full time work. One went to university, so started paying 'later' than our other dc. Some might think it was unfair. But, we simply couldn't afford to cover the household costs of two extra adults who were earning more than we were. We never asked for, or took money to help with fixed costs such as mortgage, council tax, broadband etc. And now, the dc who started paying earlier because they went to work rather than uni, is benefiting from free childcare for our dgc several days every week. It's swings and roundabouts imo.

Bluerussian · 29/01/2020 19:56

You already had a thread on this subject with loads and loads of responses, I can't imagine you will receive anything different this time around.

CherryPavlova · 29/01/2020 20:11

Those of you saying you wouldn't dream charging your children to live in your home, don't you expect your dh to contribute to bills and board either? Why is it different for your adult children, particularly when they might get to a stage where they earn more than you?
I don’t expect my husband to contribute; it is our shared family home.and everything that is contained within is equally both of ours. That means responsibility for any costs as well as decisions about spending.
Our children are expected to have a good work ethic and seeing that hard work gives nice things is a very good lesson.
Since ours, apart from one still at university, have bought houses and live off their reasonable salaries, I think they’ve managed to budget and successfully enter the adult world. We’d rather their teens and early twenties were focused on building a successful future not fretting about money.
Our eldest is moving back in with her new husband for a month in July August as they are renting their house out prior to working abroad for a year. We won’t charge them as we want to support them in the very valuable work they will be doing. In fact, we’ll pay their airfares.
If they needed to move back later on, I assume it would be because something had gone wrong in their lives. That wouldn’t be the time to start charging, at a guess. We wouldn’t expect that to be a long term situation.

mummmy2017 · 29/01/2020 20:22

CherryPavlova your just proving the point.
You have enough income , to not NEED them to help pay the bills.

CherryPavlova · 29/01/2020 20:31

mummmy2017. I don’t think I’d argue that if money is tight then it may be necessary.
My point is that I don’t support the idea that charging is essential to teach young people to survive as adults. It’s the bit about it being good for the children that I don’t concur with. I suspect those not charged actually fare better for a variety of reasons.

Alsohuman · 29/01/2020 20:38

My brother left school and started an apprenticeship in the early 70s. My mum took 50p a week from him for his board. It taught him that living costs money. It was a lesson I didn’t need, I left home and paid rent at 17.

NotNowPlzz · 29/01/2020 20:43

I honestly find the idea of charging your own children rent is heartbreaking. Contribution to household budget if needed, absolutely. Holding money for a deposit, absolutely. But 'rent'?

altiara · 29/01/2020 20:47

I’d charge a token amount for board once they were out of full time education.
Obviously if DD2 complained as DD1 had university support, I’d explain to DD2, I’d provide a different type of support when I thought it would be appropriate. (Tbh I’m just guessing as my DCs aren’t this age)

FilthyforFirth · 29/01/2020 20:52

I personally would never charge my children to live in their home. I would expect them to save though.

Growing up I had to give my dad rent and DH didn't. He is pro our children paying rent once earning and I am anti. Go figure!

I appreciate we are financially in a position to do this.

PlanDeRaccordement · 29/01/2020 20:53

If anyone NEEDS their children to work to help pay their bills, they’re de facto living beyond their means. And adult child moving into a home you already live in is not going to cost much more. The mortgage/rent, homeowners/contents insurance, council tax, heating bill dont change. It’s just a bit of extra food, water and electricity. Having them buy their own food (the actual increase in Cost) is not charging rent. Charging rent is not something I could do because my housing cost does not change whether they live with me & DH or not.

Livelovebehappy · 29/01/2020 20:57

I have never charged mine rent, which has meant my eldest daughter at 24 has just got onto the property ladder as she obviously managed to save up quicker for a deposit. And despite people saying she wouldn’t cope with managing her outgoings due to not having contributed at home, she is managing very well. There is no wrong or right way - but I think setting them on their way to getting their own home is more important than teaching them a life lesson on paying their way whilst living in your home, although I appreciate some people can’t afford to not have some contribution to family finances.

mummmy2017 · 29/01/2020 20:58

When anyone is earning in a house any help with rent disappears.
Along with the money paid to parents to feed the child as a top up.
Child benefit stops.
Council tax rises.
If you lose £250 a month because your child works, and you can't pay the bills, do you think a working person should pay towards bills, or should everyone live on the streets?

mummmy2017 · 29/01/2020 21:00

There is not one of us who does not want to do this for free, but most can't.
Lots of us are better off than our parents, so we did pay keep, it didn't kill us.

BennytheBall · 29/01/2020 21:05

Our son graduated this summer and is now working. He's got a relatively well-paid job for his age.

We don't charge rent. It doesn't sit well with us and we'd rather he'd save a big chunk of his income for a deposit and a better car. So far, he's managing to save £1300 per month.

If we were hard-up, we might consider him making a contribution.

Tinyhumansurvivalist · 29/01/2020 21:05

I think there is no right answer.

My younger sister was never charged board and had all her uni stuff paid for by my parents. I had to pay everything myself, work every hour I could etc and pay board when I was home.

At the time I was very resentful. The favouritism was very hurtful. As an idukt I could see it clearer, when I was at uni dad was out of work, they had lost their house and they simply couldn't afford to help me. By the time my sister went to uni they were in a much better financial state and could afford to support her.

Over the years they went on to help my sister and her husband with a deposit on their first house, paid a significant amount towards their wedding. When I got married I got about 2k to her 10k.

However, as I have gotten older they have helped me hugely, the look after dd for free for me, take her away etc. They have helped me when dds dad and I split so I could buy my own house and have helped hugely with the renovations needed

My point I guess is that help and support is different because the needs of each child is different. Your elder dd is learning to budget because she has no choice with uni costs etc. Dd2 won't have that lesson so by paying rent to you she will have to learn. Assuming you explain fully and are not unreasonable if you don't need the money then I guess I don't see the issue.

I do like the idea of saving the rent if you don't need it to survive and gifting it back to help her buy a house

Doyouavocado · 29/01/2020 21:08

If out of education then they should pay rent IMO

Russellbrandshair · 29/01/2020 21:09

Everyone is different and everyone should do what’s right for them. I don’t plan my budget on the income my kids bring in through child benefit/ tax credits etc because those will disappear the moment they hit 18 anyway, regardless of what job they have. I will get my kids to save for a future house instead of giving me rent. Getting on the property ladder is hard enough right now as it is so if I can help them I definitely will.

Teensruletheroost · 29/01/2020 21:17

We charge DS “rent” BUT we save it all for him. He knows this as it would cause resentment otherwise.

The reason we do it this way is that he has little financial sense and wouldn’t save it himself. We view it as enforced savings.

The amount we charge is the equivalent rent for a double room in our town in a house share.

I wouldn’t be comfortable charging him actual rent and keeping it myself.
Our other DC will probably go to uni and so we will be supporting them, we view this as a way to support DS even though he hasn’t gone to uni if that makes sense.

Spareroom.co.uk is a good and interesting guide to local going rates.

I think it would be different if you actually needed the money, then I might feel different but for now I am happy to support him whilst giving him an idea of what it is like to live in the real world.