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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Charging your children rent

211 replies

mumto2teenagers · 29/01/2020 06:59

Genuinely looking for opinions as DH and I disagree on this.

We have 2 DD’s.

DD1 - in second year at uni living away from home. She receives the basic maintenance amount as part of her student loan but this only covers approx 1/2 of her rent, she also has a part time job and uses that money for food and general expenses. Anything she has left she puts towards her rent. We then pay the rest of her rent. She comes home in holidays, works part time and saves this money for the next term at uni, we don’t charge her rent for the time she is at home.

DD2 - is currently deciding what to do after her A levels. She is not keen on uni so is considering either an apprenticeship or full time employment.

If DD2 is working full time would you charge her rent because she now has a full time job.

One of us thinks rent should start when you get a full time job the other thinks this is unfair on DD2 as her sister stays in holidays rent free and we still support her as she chose to go to uni.

OP posts:
MintyMabel · 29/01/2020 13:48

Why should an adult live for free?

Why shouldn't they if the other adult is happy not to charge them?

MadamePewter · 29/01/2020 13:49

Plus council tax discount ends if you’re a single parent and child reaches 18 in full time employment.

It’s not really so much rent in my view as a contribution to household expenses and not grabby or mean!

Acidburn · 29/01/2020 13:51

Anyone who asks their children to pay rent should not be surprised if their children will charge them for help during retirement.

TeacupDrama · 29/01/2020 14:16

there is a big difference in asking for money to help with the cost of food they eat and charging them to live there, I would expect an adult child being ferried to the station and back to offer money for fuel if it is not just a one offer but a daily occurance
I would expect an elderly parent to offer fuel money if it was a regular thing not a once a month thing
The DWP expect adult child living at home to contribute to rent council tax as well as food etc

Brown76 · 29/01/2020 14:27

Yes I would ask my child to contribute if they had left education, were able to work full time and could afford it. Maybe not if an apprentice or still in education. If I were asking to live with them in my old age I'd expect to contribute to the household kitty.

dingit · 29/01/2020 14:43

My eldest is at uni, youngest in year 1 of 2 year apprenticeship. We are not charging him rent until his apprenticeship is finished. He doesn't earn a bad wage but his commute is £££.

MadamePewter · 29/01/2020 14:59

It’s not the same at all as the old age thing! It’s not charging for you caring for the DC, it’s living expenses. Surely an elderly person would also contribute to these? I certainly don’t expect or want my dcs to look after me or fund me in my old age buf if I lived with them (😱)I’d expect to pay my share

Lipperfromchipper · 29/01/2020 15:09

My parents actually lived with me for nearly 7 months while they renovated...I didn’t charge them a penny! They did do food shopping of their own accord and provided no end of babysitting etc. but I was never bothered, it was lovely to have their company. As I said whenever I had short periods at home they never charged me either!! Is that not what families do??!!

Imperialmeasurements · 29/01/2020 15:33

We have 2 adult DC’s and have never charged them a penny for rent/board/whatever. We can afford to do this, I’m NOT saying everyone can.
It has allowed eldest DC to save a significant deposit for a house and they will be moving to their own home in a few weeks.
Similarly, youngest DC is saving for a deposit for a flat and is hoping to move out in a few months.
Although they’re adults, they’re still our DC’s and I’ve never understood the MN obsession of making DC’s pay board. They’re both mature, sensible and fully appreciate what we’ve done.
I think we’ve helped give them both a great start on the property ladder.

HillAreas · 29/01/2020 15:45

I don’t understand the old age argument at all.
Parents provide for their dependent children for at least 18 years because they have no means of supporting themselves and therefore it’s the parents responsibility.
Once they have means of supporting themselves (and are no doubt trying to create boundaries between themselves and their parents, as young adults should) then it’s absolutely fair that they should contribute.
If, in old age, my parents eventually (financial forecast for retirement is looking good just now) found themselves with no means of supporting themselves, I would step in to the best of my ability and support them just as they supported me when I couldn’t support myself. I wouldn’t be obliged though. Obligation only goes one way. I’d do it because I love them.
And yes, they did charge me rent once I was a full time working adult Hmm

Ragwort · 29/01/2020 16:47

Of course young adults should be contributing towards 'board & lodging' (calling it 'rent' is not very helpful). Our 'children' need to know that there are considerable expenses involved in running a home, it might be that the parents can privately 'save' the money for the future. It's all very well saying that the young person should be saving it themselves but many youngsters seem to spend all their money on holidays, entertainment, cars etc & then say they 'can't afford' to save for a house deposit. If you are not paying 'board' then you are likely to have a very good disposable income - £100s per month more than most of us adults I would imagine.

Geekster1963 · 29/01/2020 17:02

I had a year after finishing college and starting my nurse training. I had a full time job in that year and paid my parents rent. It was about a quarter of my wages. Was fair enough as I’d been at college five years and had a Saturday job then and didn’t pay anything. So no YANBU.

mummmy2017 · 29/01/2020 17:14

Family's with one income, that just covers household costs with no extras, may live to offer their children a free ride but just can't.
So you'd have a parent and children eating from a food bank,so the working child can have £750 plus a month spending money?

fishonabicycle · 29/01/2020 17:19

It's all very well saying they are family and don't have to contribute to anything, but my husband is family and so am I - we don't get free food/washing/meals cooked etc.

LolaSmiles · 29/01/2020 17:43

It's all very well saying they are family and don't have to contribute to anything, but my husband is family and so am I - we don't get free food/washing/meals cooked etc
You choose your spouse.
You choose to have children.
For most people that means having ongoing responsibility for them and not deciding they're an adult who should chip into household bills at 16 when still in compulsory education or training.

Interestingly, there was another thread today where one child went to university, had their rent partially subsidised by parents and lived at home rent free during the holidays, but the question was should the other child who was considering work or an apprenticeship have to pay board. The OP was open minded, unlike this thread, but it showed yet again that it's always the children who opt for vocational pathways who are expected to chip in whilst the children who opt for university get a free ride.

mummmy2017 · 29/01/2020 17:49

Children used to be able to move out, afford to buy a home.
If your rich, as in not using food banks then sure give your child a leg up.
But what a kick in the face to have watched your parents struggle to get by for nearly two decades then now be not enough of a descent human being to offer some rent.

EmeraldShamrock · 29/01/2020 17:59

For most people that means having ongoing responsibility for them and not deciding they're an adult who should chip into household bills at 16 when still in compulsory education or training I think most people are thinking when they are working full time out of education.
I earned 550 a week at 21 living at home.
I'd hand up £50 punt a week, the shame now, that barely covered food and toiletries never mind rent electricity heating all covered by parents'house.

pontiouspilates · 29/01/2020 18:01

I charge DD £100 per month (she brings home £800) she does not know it, but I'm actually saving it for her. I think it does them good to know what it feels like to contribute.

Babynamechangerr · 29/01/2020 18:03

We don't charge DS rent on condition that half his pay goes into savings. He's saving for his own house and should be able to afford it in about 2.5 years

This is such a good idea.

Summer8900 · 29/01/2020 18:05

I personally would never charge my child anything.

PixieDustt · 29/01/2020 18:05

No I think you should.
We've always had to pay rent to parents. When I was at uni and only home for the holidays no I wasn't expect to pay as I was funding and working to pay my living costs at uni.
But once I came back I paid rent again.
I think it's a good thing to do. Nothing in life comes free.

Wandaneedsnewwindows · 29/01/2020 18:05

I wouldn’t charge my DC to live at home. They would need to help with their chores though. Our cleaner can clean their rooms, but DC will need to put a wash on, pop to supermarket sometimes, occasionally cook dinner for all and unload dishwasher etc. Just general help around the house, as we’re all busy

HillAreas · 29/01/2020 18:07

@LolaSmiles. That’s this thread!

motherheroic · 29/01/2020 18:25

When I was working I was charged £200 a month. Me being back home meant my mom lost her single person council tax discount and I also contributed to the water and electric bill being higher so I think it was fair.

vodkaredbullgirl · 29/01/2020 18:30

Im as single parent to 2, as i said way up 1 gives me money. My other dd is not working and doesnt pay me anything as she doesnt get any money.

If i could afford it, i wouldnt be asking my dd.