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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Charging your children rent

211 replies

mumto2teenagers · 29/01/2020 06:59

Genuinely looking for opinions as DH and I disagree on this.

We have 2 DD’s.

DD1 - in second year at uni living away from home. She receives the basic maintenance amount as part of her student loan but this only covers approx 1/2 of her rent, she also has a part time job and uses that money for food and general expenses. Anything she has left she puts towards her rent. We then pay the rest of her rent. She comes home in holidays, works part time and saves this money for the next term at uni, we don’t charge her rent for the time she is at home.

DD2 - is currently deciding what to do after her A levels. She is not keen on uni so is considering either an apprenticeship or full time employment.

If DD2 is working full time would you charge her rent because she now has a full time job.

One of us thinks rent should start when you get a full time job the other thinks this is unfair on DD2 as her sister stays in holidays rent free and we still support her as she chose to go to uni.

OP posts:
CherryPavlova · 29/01/2020 07:56

I think it depends on your circumstances.
Personally, I’d never charge my children rent. This is and will remain their family home for as long as they need it to get started in life or to return to in case of problems.
Starting out is hard enough without getting made harder by parents grabbing rent too. Our still don’t pay towards being at home. If they come on holiday with us or for a weekend away, we usually pay. Our eldest might now pick up a takeaway or bring a bottle of wine but nothing more. The others still cost us - one is at university, to be fair.
I don’t support the view it’s essential if you want to teach them how to budget. Mine can budget just fine. It’s not rocket science. I prefer to help them get settled and comfortable.

LolaSmiles · 29/01/2020 08:04

DD1 has a PT job and is paying for her food and some of her rent.
Whilst also living for free at home during university holidays and getting financial support from home during term time.

It's always the kids who work or choose vocational training who end up being worse off whilst siblings could spend 3 years being part funded through university

Nanny0gg · 29/01/2020 08:10

Personally, I’d never charge my children rent. This is and will remain their family home for as long as they need it to get started in life or to return to in case of problems.

So your 35 year-old has never left home. You're happy to fund an adult living in your home for free? Why?

aNonnyMouse1511 · 29/01/2020 08:15

I think rent is important.

But if you can afford to, save it for her for when she moves out. I’d love to do that secretly for mine.

Brazi103 · 29/01/2020 08:21

My view is different. My children are my family and it wouldn’t occur to me to charge them money for living in their home. I help them when they need it and I hope in the future they will do the same to me.

The same here. I lived at home till 24 rent free. The deal was focusing on finishing university and not worrying about rent. Any part time jobs was for myself although a portion had to be saved. I now help out the other way around.

fishonabicycle · 29/01/2020 08:48

I think if the child is working full time, it is sensible to charge them some keep. If you can afford to get by without the money, just save it for them, but it's a good life lesson having to budget a little.

Cam77 · 29/01/2020 09:00

Depends if they can afford it. I’d consider asking for a contribution for groceries, but not for simply sleeping in their own room. Unless I really needed the money and they had some to spare, which would then be a case of family helping each other out.

Given your current arrangement with DD1, surely it would be fairest to give DD2 a period of rent free living - eg 6 months, so that you you have then contributed equally to them financially. Pretty straightforward solution I’d think.

Cam77 · 29/01/2020 09:01

If you’re subsidizing DD1 choices a little bit it’s only fair to do the same (for a limited time/amount) for DD2, surely. A few months contribution free would do it, surely.

GnomeDePlume · 29/01/2020 09:05

We started to charge DD1 when she returned to the family home after graduating and starting a job.

If you have plenty of spare money and the contribution to the family coffer would be a drop in the ocean then dont charge. If on the other hand having an extra adult in the house is stretching the family budget then a charge is reasonable.

I dont agree with saving it to give back. By their 20s people should be responsible for sorting their own savings out.

Fr0thandBubble · 29/01/2020 09:08

My children are my family and it wouldn’t occur to me to charge them money for living in their home.

This with bells on. If they were working full time I would, however, insist that they save a certain amount each month for a deposit for a flat.

misspiggy19 · 29/01/2020 09:09

My view is different. My children are my family and it wouldn’t occur to me to charge them money for living in their home. I help them when they need it and I hope in the future they will do the same to me.

^I agree with this

saraclara · 29/01/2020 09:09

My daughters (post uni) paid 'rent' (though I agree that it should be called board), but their dad and I saved it and when they left home we gave it back to them as a lump sum.

The problem with saying they can stay free as long as they save so much a month is all very well, but then (if you have a spendthrift child particularly) you might have to police that, which I'd find uncomfortable.
In the OP's case though, it might feel better than charging anything.

MT2017 · 29/01/2020 09:13

It's not much of an incentive to work - if she goes on to do a PhD and many, many more years of study would you still fund her?

Either charge neither or both of them.

SHAR0N · 29/01/2020 09:17

I’d work out how much you are subsiding DD1 is the amount you pay towards her rent each year. I’d put that into a savings account.

Then if DD2 decides later to go to uni, you can support her out of that account. If she never goes to uni you can give her it towards her deposit for a flat.

While DD2 is earning I’d charge her something towards board, not rent. The among depends on how much disparity between her income and yours.

If you need the money I’d keep it. If you don’t need it , I’d put it in the savings account.

Two things which I consider a problem

  1. Parents struggling to pay the bills while adult child living at home earns good money and has a lot of disposable income.
  1. Adult child living in parents home leading a lifestyle that they will never be able to sustain in their own. That way they will never be independent.

Just my opinion .

peachescariad · 29/01/2020 09:19

Didn't charge my 2 DSs until they had full time jobs rather than just a full time position while deciding what to do after A levels. DS1 got a very good job straight away so we started charging him rent after a few months of settling in, enjoying a bit of spending etc. plus he pays for his own phone. DS2 only just landed a well paid job but he will be paying in a month or 2.
We are not saving it, they need to learn to do that themselves. They are both lucky enough to earn enough to pay rent, save some and they both have cars.
Your DD at uni is limited with her earning atm....so I would not charge her rent while she's working during holidays, however, once your other DD has landed a job (not an apprenticeship) then I'd be charging her after a few months of earning.
Budgeting is a life skill and they need to learn it ASAP.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 29/01/2020 09:20

I had to pay £90 per month when I started work at 18 in the late 90s.Seemed fair enough.

NearlyGranny · 29/01/2020 09:33

Call it board, not rent, and ask a nominal amount from an adult DS or DD who is working full-time and earning. You can stash it away to help them with a house deposit later if you really don't need it.

Babying adult DC with hot and cold running services does nobody any favours in the long run. BiL lived at home until he was 30 and MiL wouldn't charge him board because he was buying a (brand new, top of the range) car! He had never been to a supermarket and didn't understand about trolleys and checkouts, let alone how to wash clothes, make a bed, cook or pay bills!

He married late (over 40) but he got there in the end!

MintyMabel · 29/01/2020 09:36

If you are charging DD2, and DD1 is working in the holidays (which she should be) she should be paying rent whilst at home. Distinguishing between full and part time work is wrong.

I probably wouldn’t charge either of them.

MintyMabel · 29/01/2020 09:39

BiL lived at home until he was 30 and MiL wouldn't charge him board because he was buying a (brand new, top of the range) car! He had never been to a supermarket and didn't understand about trolleys and checkouts, let alone how to wash clothes, make a bed, cook or pay bills!

That has bugger all to do with whether or not he paid rent. I never had to pay my parents board, lived with them til my mid 20s, I’m perfectly capable of shopping, cooking and cleaning. Charging kids rent isn’t the only way to teach them about responsibility.

onanothertrain · 29/01/2020 09:39

I don't think it's fair to only charge one of them rent nor do I think you can insist they save. Taking money for board and then giving it back seems a very common option on MN so that might work, I think it's a bit sneaky though.

goose1964 · 29/01/2020 09:42

Get them to pay expenses, so a contribution to food drink ,utilities etc. This will help them in the long run as it will teach them about budgeting when they move out.

EmeraldShamrock · 29/01/2020 09:45

We all paid a £20. Maybe give her 6 month's to see how she is managing her money, if she is being sensible I'd charge her £20 but save 10 for her.
If doing an apprenticeship she might be on a low wage if so I'd give her a year to get on her feet.
It does seem fair to give help to both of them, less chance of resentment in the future.

adaline · 29/01/2020 09:48

BiL lived at home until he was 30 and MiL wouldn't charge him board because he was buying a (brand new, top of the range) car! He had never been to a supermarket and didn't understand about trolleys and checkouts, let alone how to wash clothes, make a bed, cook or pay bills!

What does washing clothes, cooking and going to a supermarket have to do with paying rent?

EmeraldShamrock · 29/01/2020 09:55

I’d work out how much you are subsiding DD1 is the amount you pay towards her rent each year. I’d put that into a savings account

Then if DD2 decides later to go to uni, you can support her out of that account. If she never goes to uni you can give her it towards her deposit for a flat
This is probably the right way.
Sibling's differ it isn't really fair to give one DC more of a head start as they're academic in comparison to their creative sibling. Adult sibling rivalry is bitter.

Drum2018 · 29/01/2020 09:57

I'd expect DD2 to pay towards utility and food bills when she starts working.

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