Charging your children rent

[mumto2teenagers]

Genuinely looking for opinions as DH and I disagree on this.

We have 2 DD’s.

DD1 - in second year at uni living away from home. She receives the basic maintenance amount as part of her student loan but this only covers approx 1/2 of her rent, she also has a part time job and uses that money for food and general expenses. Anything she has left she puts towards her rent. We then pay the rest of her rent. She comes home in holidays, works part time and saves this money for the next term at uni, we don’t charge her rent for the time she is at home.

DD2 - is currently deciding what to do after her A levels. She is not keen on uni so is considering either an apprenticeship or full time employment.

If DD2 is working full time would you charge her rent because she now has a full time job.

One of us thinks rent should start when you get a full time job the other thinks this is unfair on DD2 as her sister stays in holidays rent free and we still support her as she chose to go to uni.

We wouldn’t charge either of our daughters rent however we would expect them to be saving something each month.

If you are not charging DD 1 rent for when she comes home, and are helping her rent whilst at uni that’s not fair on DD 2 who has chosen not to go to uni

I would not charge DD 2 whilst DD 1 is at uni and you are supporting her. I would suggest making sure DD 2 is saving

The talk about 35 year olds living at home is futile - that’s a different set of circumstances. I don’t see how charging them rent would be particularly helpful or remotely conducive in those circumstances.

Treat them the same or it will cause resentment.

Decide how much rent would be fair. Work out how much you give DD1 in total (cash towards uni rent plus what she gets free by not paying you rent) and then deduct that same amount from DD2's rent.

Easy!

I don't think you can help with dd1's rent at uni while charging the other one rent. Unless you secretly bank dd2's rent and give it to dd2 when she wants to move out.

The talk about 35 year olds living at home is futile - that’s a different set of circumstances. I don’t see how charging them rent would be particularly helpful or remotely conducive in those circumstances.

Why? You're basically house sharing. Why should an adult live for free?

How about both children pay rent.
You put this into an account on the understanding it is used for them.
Base it on their income.
Explain eldest is having it back for uni.
Second child that it will be returned as deposit on first flat, and that you will be willing to add some to it once Eldest has left uni.
However once however long in years eldest has been in uni is equal for second.
Both may need to pay towards their own food ect .

DS stayed at home during university years; didn't charge rent.

DD's university too far away; we give her a monthly allowance to help with costs, and she's not charged during holidays back home.

DS and girlfriend live with us. Both working. We weren't charging rent because we'd rather they were putting it towards a house deposit. Unfortunately our own incomes dipped so had to ask them for some rent. However they've saved enough for a deposit and are in the process of getting their first home together!

Just in time for DD to finish uni and move back home. We'll see what happens in terms of getting a job etc when the time comes.

If DD2 gets a full time job I would charge rent. When DD1 finishes uni and gets a full time job charge them rent too. Tell DD2 if they were in full time education they would be treated the same as DD1.

Honestly I would either charge both of them or neither

Seems immoral. If to pay rent (board, keep, or whatever you call it), what's the point living with family at all?

if DD2 is paying keep board when working as an apprentice DD1 must pay keep board when she is working in the holidays, when DD1 works in holidays she might actually be paid more per hour than DD2 as minimum wage will be more for her than DD2 who is on apprentice rate
Apprentice rate allows for fact that part of it is learning which is £3,90/hr a FT rate for 16 year old in job is 4.35, while for someone 18+ like DD1 would be on a minimum of £6.15 so how could it be fair for someone on £4 an hour to be paying board when someone on £6 + is not

Depends on my financial situation if I can afford it then no if I can't then yes

my mistake realised DD2 will be 18 also but she could still be on apprentice rate
DD1 has obviously has now had 18 months of not paying board in the holidays she is paying her own food in term time. I would suggest that she has 2 years not paying board but starting from next year she needs to pay board when at home ( you funding her rent is because rent is an expense DD2 doesn't have; you are not charging her for occupying her bedroom you are charging for a share of food laundry wifi and electricity)
DD2 has free board like her sister for the same amount of weeks per year as her sister does ie she pays board in term time but not in uni holidays, this will last for 2 years like it did for her sister

so I would leave rent out of the equation and concentrate on the board keep bit; as you can explain to DD2 that when at uni DD1 pays her own food and toiletries so she needs to pay for her own food and toiletries in the equivalent of term time and ask her whether she wants to pay £X for 30/35 weeks or whatever time DD1 is at uni for and free the rest of the time or would it making budgeting easier is the 35 times £X was divided over 52 weeks

My mum charged us rent/board/whatever you want to call it once we left full time education and she stopped being able to claim CB and maintenance from my dad for us. So my siblings, who both left school at 16, were expected to get a job and pay some rent. I stayed on in education and therefore didn't.

Our sons are also at this stage. DP and I have the view that our home is the family home. Assuming we continue to be able to afford it then no one is charged rent, keep, use of washing machine, whatever. Same as our cars as DS use one of those as well. However, we have said they should save money and they both do.

It really depends on your finances as a parent. I wouldnt begrudge any family charging work teens board if it was needed towards food. Teenagers are expensive they eat loads, use tons of warm water.
There was no question of it in our childhood home everyone contributed.
When my Dad was a boy he didn't get sausages with his mash and beans until he was working.

My brother definitely stayed at home a long time because he got used to having a completely unrealistic amount of spending money. Even on a low wage if you have no outgoings that's going to be a crazy amount of disposable income. Once you're used to that level of spending its harder to give it up. I'd not keep the rent money for myself but definitely insist it's saved for the future.

I don't think there is a one rule fits all for this situation. But MN tends to judge heavily if you chose to or even need to ask your adult children to contribute to household bills.

If you don't need the additional financial assistance, I agree with with PPs that a % of her wages should automatically be added to a savings account she can't easily draw money from (a help to buy ISA is a GREAT idea imo). I was charged a small amount of rent as an adult (which was never the injustice MN makes it out to be). My parents struggled with money and half the rent I paid was actually set aside for me until I was 21 when I moved out. As an adult I couldn't have watched my parents struggle to pay bills and keep me at home tbh.

My brother originally went to uni so my Mum didn’t charge him rent but he dropped out after a year and started working FT, then she started charging rent. I think it’s perfectly fair to charge someone who works FT rent, they would have to pay it if they lived away from home.

Seems immoral. If to pay rent (board, keep, or whatever you call it), what's the point living with family at all?

Why immoral? I paid 'rent' to my parents (who didn't need the money) over 50 years ago! It was part of starting to stand on your own two feet and not depending on them.
If DC are in education or apprenticeship that is a different matter.
And not everyone can afford to subsidise another adult living in their home who could possibly be on a pretty good salary.

My ds has just moved back home from uni as decided his course wasn’t what he wanted to do anymore so has now got a full time job in the area he is interested in.
We will be charging him rent as he is making a decent amount .
Won’t be much though , maybe £100 a month but that covers his food, Electric /internet and washing and ironing etc..
He’s happy with that and I think it’s fair

And the food is because he’s vegan so won’t eat what we eat and his stuff is a lot more expensive .. that’s a whole other topic

I would never charge my child rent. I won't stop being his mum at 18 and he'll have a home with me as long as he needs one. I would expect him to do his laundry, hoover a bit, cook a meal once or twice a week. But no to charging him money. He can save that money to buy a house or set him up or whatever.

My DH and I are not high earners at all and my DD is at uni, we give her money every week. My DS 22 is on a year out between degree and masters and we are charging him small amount of rent. Our attitude was that why should 2 adults pay for everything when 3 live there plus he has a very active social life so if he can afford that he can contribute towards food/bills.