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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Charging your children rent

211 replies

mumto2teenagers · 29/01/2020 06:59

Genuinely looking for opinions as DH and I disagree on this.

We have 2 DD’s.

DD1 - in second year at uni living away from home. She receives the basic maintenance amount as part of her student loan but this only covers approx 1/2 of her rent, she also has a part time job and uses that money for food and general expenses. Anything she has left she puts towards her rent. We then pay the rest of her rent. She comes home in holidays, works part time and saves this money for the next term at uni, we don’t charge her rent for the time she is at home.

DD2 - is currently deciding what to do after her A levels. She is not keen on uni so is considering either an apprenticeship or full time employment.

If DD2 is working full time would you charge her rent because she now has a full time job.

One of us thinks rent should start when you get a full time job the other thinks this is unfair on DD2 as her sister stays in holidays rent free and we still support her as she chose to go to uni.

OP posts:
WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 29/01/2020 21:33

I paid rent from when I had a job but unknown to me my parents had put it into an account to use as and when I left home, or wanted to buy a car etc . In the end it went towards my wedding.

Its a bit different in your situation though OP and like PPs have said, its not really fair to pay for one and then take rent from the other , in my opinion

lizzie0712 · 29/01/2020 21:40

We don't consider it "rent". A working adult living with other working adults should contribute. If they are your children then yes, that may not be the going rate that a house share would be but it's still reasonable that those working adults should help towards living expenses, however small or large the contribution.

vodkaredbullgirl · 29/01/2020 21:51

@teensruletheroost ive just had a look and a furnished room in a house, would cost between 450 and 500 a month including bills.

littleniki · 29/01/2020 21:55

We were charged rent which was based on our income. We were both handed this back when we got our first properties as a surprise.

LolaSmiles · 29/01/2020 22:05

HillAreas
Oops! My mistake. I've got my threads confused.
There's this one about 18 year olds with the open minded OP and another where a poster was seriously going to charge her 16 year old to live at home whilst doing an apprenticeship.

EmeraldShamrock I got my threads mixed up. There is a thread about charging a 16 year old to live at home. The OP got a lot of support from people to do this. Apparently it's fine to support one child through university and then charge your child who has just left y11 because she doesn't need that much money, if she has so much money a week then it should go into the family pot (apprentice wages are £3.90 an hour), I'd have loved that much money at 16 to spend on what I like so it's not unreasonable to charge, child benefit ends when they do an apprenticeship (so apparently it's for the child to top up the shortfall).

Teensruletheroost · 29/01/2020 23:47

@vodkaredbullgirl it’s an interesting website isn’t it. The going rate round here is the £450-600 so DS pays us £500. As I said it is all saved for him so I don’t feel too bad.

That said we are very fortunate that him leaving education has had no financial implications for us in terms of maintenance or tax credits etc so we can continue as we were beforehand.

I think it is very different if your income has lowered due to their age, then it would only be fair for a working adult to contribute.

Would you consider charging your DC a higher ‘rent’ and saving some of it for them?

vodkaredbullgirl · 29/01/2020 23:52

@teensruletheroast she is better at saving than me lol. She hardly goes out drinking, she doesnt like clothes shopping, infact she doesnt like spending too much money lol.

MadamePewter · 30/01/2020 00:59

Also, I’m hoping my dc will continue to live with me for many a long year..But they earn more than me.. would it not be ludicrous if they paid nothing towards the bills?

I continue to provide emotional support and basically run the household; cook, clean, organise. Is it really the case I should feel bad?

SHAR0N · 30/01/2020 01:34

Also , I’m hoping my dc will continue to live with me for many a long year

What a nice mum you are! I’m hoping mine will move out soon and give me peace.

HomerSimpsonSmilingPolitely · 30/01/2020 01:53

I think you have to take these things on a case by case basis. I probably wouldn't charge a child rent during the uni summer break either, especially when I knew they were saving to help themselves survive when they went back to uni.

If my child was living with me full-time and doing an apprenticeship I would probably charge them rent, but I would charge them bugger all. It would be a token amount that I would put into a seperate account, and then when they decided to move out I would give that money back to them as a lump-sum.

If they were working full-time and being paid well I would probably charge them rent. I assume the reason they would be loving with me is because they couldn't afford to move out yet. So maybe I'd give them the rent money back towards a deposit for a house, or something.

It all depends on the situation, and what you can afford. If I was broke as a joke and I had adult children living me and earning money I would definitely be charging rent and the rent money would be spent on food and bills, they wouldn't be getting any of it back when they left.

BitOfFun · 30/01/2020 02:36

I think that if you work fulltime and live at home, you should contribute.

DecemberSnow · 30/01/2020 02:42

You support one daughter, Paying her rent

You really shouldn't charge your other one.

Not really fair

RoseW963 · 30/01/2020 04:19

Honestly, have a word with yourself. Do you or your husband really see no problem with the above thinking?

So DD1 not only works part time during term time therefore earning a wage, she then also gets a top up each month from her parents to help pay for at least half of her rent. On top of that she apparently does not have to pay any rent whilst actually living at home during the holidays when she is once again earning a wage. Yet if your DD2 decides to work full time you wish to charge her rent for no other reasons than she would be earning a wage, no different to her sister may I add, and not doing further education? How can you or your husband not see what is wrong with this?

The only way that this would be fair is if whilst living at home your DD1 was charged the same percentage of rent from her wages as your DD2 would be and also receive no rent/top up from yourselves whilst living elsewhere. If one daughter has to pay her own way, then the other one should too. That would be fair and equal. What you and many others propose on here is not as your DD1 going to university and only working part time is a CHOICE, just as your DD2 not going would be hers.

One could try to justify it by saying that she would be earning much more money each month but have you actually even done the math? By my calculations, between your DD1 part time wages and your monthly top up (£?), your DD2 may not actually be earning much more money herself each month unless she is lucky enough to get a great job straight out of school, let alone if you then also charge her rent. Still, even if she does end up earning more money right now, she does not get a degree at the end of it unlike her sister. They both will benefit from their choices but in different ways and at different times in their lives.

Do not take from one daughter whilst then only giving to the other. Just don’t.

Teensruletheroost · 30/01/2020 08:09

@vodkaredbullgirl you clearly did a better job of instilling financial sense than me then!! That said our younger DC has a lot better financial management than DS so we haven’t failed totally!

I do think generally though that charging some sort of ‘rent’ (whether going into savings or whether needed for household bills) for a young full time working adult living at home is a good lesson in the realities of adult finances.

HomeMadeMadness · 30/01/2020 14:33

It's absolutely fine to treat your kids differently due to different circumstances. For example if one kid was in uni or other full time training which didn't pay I'd happily help them with their expenses and even give them a bit of spending money if they're working hard and have no time to take on more hours. If another child is working full time and not saving up for anything in particular I certainly wouldn't give them spending money and would probably charge them rent.

I would keep the rent in a separate high interest savings account (you can get easily about 1.5% easy access) and let her know that the money will be available for her when she really needs it. I wouldn't charge so much that she couldn't do things like driving lessons or save up for travelling though. Even if she was only earning £900 a month that's still a huge amount of money just to spend on shopping and going out! Most adults living independently don't have that much disposable income there's no need for an 18 year old to. Better to save it for her future.

cologne4711 · 30/01/2020 14:40

When I had a summer job between uni and my post-grad, I was earning about £150 a week and my mum took a contribution of about £20 a week for food etc. So if my son were in a similar position I would do similar. I'd not ask for contributions from part-time work.

If he say decided not to do a degree after A levels and did an apprenticeship or got a full time job I would expect him to contribute towards his keep.

I only have the one child so I don't have the issue of trying to decide what's fair between eg a working child or one going travelling or to uni like a pp said.

I don't think it's unfair - someone said why would you charge your child because they are family. Well both DH and I pay into the kitty in proportion with earnings so if ds were working more than his very part time job he should contribute to the kitty too. From each according to his ability, to each according to his need and all that.

corythatwas · 30/01/2020 14:42

Ime what children need is a very strongly grounded belief- from years of feeling fairly treated and equally loved- that it will all even out in the end and that they are never going to be left in the lurch because you are always focusing on the favourite.

If they have that, then it's perfectly ok to help one child more than another at any specific time, because they trust you. They need to see that you are only doing it for good reasons, and that when good reasons arrive to help them you will do the same thing and gladly.

fishonabicycle · 30/01/2020 15:29

I actually said if the grown up son or daughter works FULL time then they should contribute to their costs. That is part of being an adult. These people aren't children.

fishonabicycle · 30/01/2020 15:35

And if your 30/40 year old is still at home and possibly earning more than you, it's still ok to support him/her completely? Paying their share of bills/food etc is hardly going to ruin their budgets.

user1487194234 · 31/01/2020 13:14

Ok I admit that if my 40n year old was still living with me we might have to have a chat …..
but charge my student /apprentice /under say 25 year old to live in their own home no way

CherryPavlova · 31/01/2020 21:45

I think much older children are a different issue altogether. I’d not be happy I’d they were living at home at thirty, let alone forty. They need to move into the adult world. I just think supporting them to achieve that successfully is part of parenting. I think it’s odd that people think children are fully matured at eighteen.

deareloise · 31/01/2020 22:12

I agree cherry

contentedsoul · 31/01/2020 22:23

Or, as in my case Parents dictate to me to get out there and face the world, then extend their home by 200% and give both siblings and their families a free house each! said siblings never paid rent, board, or mortgage and only just started paying council tax as for almost 20yrs it was all completely under the radar.

Pissed off, too fucking right....I would love them all to lose everything.
Yep, the family is fucked and I couldn't give two shits if they live or die!!

Foxes157 · 31/01/2020 22:23

I do charge the eldest a peppercorn rent to live at home but we have paid for her to learn to drive and bought her 2 cars to help her to work.She didn't go uni.

Their sibling will go to uni all being well. They will get different financial support to assist them with their career.

Fair does not mean equal

MyuMe · 31/01/2020 22:29

But it’s good learning to budget etc.

I don't understand why you think teenagers/ young adults are imbeciles.

I have honestly never met a young person or uni student who didnt know they had to prioritise their rent and bills and do the basic maths.