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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My manager just sent me a ridiculous email!

217 replies

ItalianinLondon · 28/01/2020 21:25

I've been off work sick for the last 3 weeks on my GP's insistence (I have lupus and had some viral things going on and GP said not taking time off would be a bad idea).

My line manager has been calling me at various points during this period and, to not make the story overly lengthy, called (from a blocked number) on Friday evening and I couldn't hear anything wheni picked up, assumed it was a cold call and hung up.

She then sent me an email yesterday accusing me of childish and insulting behaviour, because I'd clearly, quote, stuffed the phone under a pillow and pretended I couldn't hear when I realised it was her.

Obviously it is not something I would do, however tempting it might be... so I denied it, and we got into a bit of a back and forward by email.

I said it was a very insulting allegation and that she should apologise, to which I got:

"As for pretending that you couldn’t hear me on the phone, I know what I heard, and I was convinced that you answered and then made a pretence. I was shocked beyond measure that a colleague could behave like that. It embarrasses me to talk or think about it."

Although she has clearly managed to talk and think about it quite a lot...

Anyway, I contacted HR today and said I found it really weird for her to make totally demented accusations about me (paraphrase). They were clearly quite shocked when I said what was in the email and asked me to forward the emails.

Should I do it?? Without her consent? I hate to make a big fuss, and my bad temper has simmered down now, but seriously, I think she has gone a bit crazy over this and it is kind of concerning!

OP posts:
BrokenWing · 29/01/2020 14:28

I've forwarded them (or, okay, I've scheduled it for the morning because I think it looks a bit more professional wink).

We use outlook and if we schedule an email to send later, it doesn't actually send unless you are signed onto your laptop. I dont use the scheduling option, but I know others that do to sneakily schedule emails to send late at night to make themselves look busy/as if they are working late, but the email doesnt send until they signon the next morning - or 2 weeks later when they come back from holidays and it was something you needed while they were away!!! 🤬 This is because the scheduling take place on the laptop. dont know if it is the same for everyone.

If you havent signed on today might be worth checking the email has actually sent.

Xiaoxiong · 29/01/2020 14:34

I'm glad I'm not the only one to think that the wording was off. I mean, even the original accusation seems very paranoid that you stuffed the phone under a pillow to insult her (who would even think that?) If it wasn't for the fact that she has a bit of form in the past for this I'd be wondering if she was having a mental health crisis.

BohoBunney · 29/01/2020 14:47

BrokenWing
It was the same on my old work laptop, it wouldn't send until signed into outlook.

LetItGoToRuin · 29/01/2020 14:47

@BrokenWing it's a good suggestion generally, but the OP has received a response from HR mid-morning today (see page 5 of thread). OP said:

"I got an email back from HR asking if I would be happy to have a chat on the phone with our senior HR person today. I said yes - so, we shall see!"

plantingandpotting · 29/01/2020 14:47

I work with a couple of people like this.

It seems to be mental torture for them when colleagues negotiate time in lieu/take sick leave/get to work from home/attend an appointment.

These women can't help but make it their business and draw direct comparisons to how much time they've spent at their desk.

Glad you've escalated it.

Mumdiva99 · 29/01/2020 14:55

Hope you feel better soon. You've definitely done the right thing.

But Fucking Boris Johnson is hilarious. I bet the teachers are dining out on that story!!

lowlandLucky · 29/01/2020 15:08

If you are off ill and have sent in a sick note your Manager should not be haraassing you

DelphicOracle · 29/01/2020 15:14

Wow..... if she has any concerns regarding the validity of your sickness, she needs to raise her own issues with HR, not randomly try to set traps for you and catch you out! Its so weird and utterly unprofessional.

I think the lines for her, are massivly blurred. This would be weird if it was your mum or your friend, let alone a work manager! Hopefully your HR department is more professional than she is!

WorldEndingFire · 29/01/2020 15:43

Please join a trade union so you have proper protection, advice and legal representation - your boss behaved totally inappropriately.

www.tuc.org.uk/join-union

Notnownotneverever · 29/01/2020 15:45

I’m a manager. And that is shocking behaviour. You need to forward what they have asked for.

WorldEndingFire · 29/01/2020 15:47

(Remember, HR is there to look after the interests of the business; your trade union is there to represent your interests!)

Nacknick · 29/01/2020 16:03

OP has already said she is in a union Confused

ItsGoingTibiaK · 29/01/2020 16:50

Remember, HR is there to look after the interests of the business

Never a truer word spoken. It took me a long time, and a few painful lessons, to fully appreciate this.

Titective · 29/01/2020 17:40

She sounds like she's under pressure in a different area and is taking it out on you. Not professional at all. Remain calm and professional yourself and it will work out in your favour.

Mummytoonlychild · 29/01/2020 18:01

Show did the phone interview go today

Alpacamabags · 29/01/2020 18:08

Totally invested 😂 how was the phone call?

Redred2429 · 29/01/2020 18:33

How was the phone call op ? And that was brilliant what your daughter told the teacher!!

ItalianinLondon · 29/01/2020 18:40

The phone call was okay, thank you! The HR manager obviously didn't say much but she asked me a lot of Qs about the situation, if we have any previous issues and our usual level of contact. I mentioned that she had said she didn't believe that I had a long-term health condition and thought I was faking for leniency (despite the fact that I've never asked for special consideration or workplace adaptions or extensions, etc etc etc) and the HR woman said this makes no sense because they (HR) obviously have all the information and could have clarified any questions she might have. Then she said my line manager will have a meeting with her line manager and herself, and if she needs any further information from me prior to that, she will be in touch.

Not particularly eventful, but not negative either! Smile

OP posts:
AfterSchoolWorry · 29/01/2020 21:40

Good OP, glad they're going to do something.

cstaff · 29/01/2020 22:36

It's not being ignored OP and that is a positive. They just have to hear the other side of the story. Mind you she was daft enough to put it in writing so there is not a whole lot she can say to defend her actions. Good luck op.

SerialGoogler · 30/01/2020 05:52

Yes, HR work for the business not the employee but in this case the manager is leaving them wide open to a discrimination claim which would be ££££ so they will need to protect the business from the manager's actions.

TuesdayQ · 30/01/2020 05:56

I'd absolutely send the emails; if she would be ashamed of them being seen by HR she shouldn't have sent them to someone she manages. I'm sorry this has made an already difficult time more stressful for you, and hope this flare passes as smoothly as possible for you. Sending luck & spoons to you.

TuesdayQ · 30/01/2020 06:04

Oohps.... Sorry, somehow didn't see there were already 8 pages of replies! I'm glad it's being looked in to.

msmith501 · 30/01/2020 06:19

Sadly many people are "Manager" in name only and have absolutely no people or leadership skills.

incognitomum · 30/01/2020 10:04

That sounds proactive.