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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My manager just sent me a ridiculous email!

217 replies

ItalianinLondon · 28/01/2020 21:25

I've been off work sick for the last 3 weeks on my GP's insistence (I have lupus and had some viral things going on and GP said not taking time off would be a bad idea).

My line manager has been calling me at various points during this period and, to not make the story overly lengthy, called (from a blocked number) on Friday evening and I couldn't hear anything wheni picked up, assumed it was a cold call and hung up.

She then sent me an email yesterday accusing me of childish and insulting behaviour, because I'd clearly, quote, stuffed the phone under a pillow and pretended I couldn't hear when I realised it was her.

Obviously it is not something I would do, however tempting it might be... so I denied it, and we got into a bit of a back and forward by email.

I said it was a very insulting allegation and that she should apologise, to which I got:

"As for pretending that you couldn’t hear me on the phone, I know what I heard, and I was convinced that you answered and then made a pretence. I was shocked beyond measure that a colleague could behave like that. It embarrasses me to talk or think about it."

Although she has clearly managed to talk and think about it quite a lot...

Anyway, I contacted HR today and said I found it really weird for her to make totally demented accusations about me (paraphrase). They were clearly quite shocked when I said what was in the email and asked me to forward the emails.

Should I do it?? Without her consent? I hate to make a big fuss, and my bad temper has simmered down now, but seriously, I think she has gone a bit crazy over this and it is kind of concerning!

OP posts:
LittlePaintBox · 28/01/2020 22:07

You aren't making a big fuss - she needs someone to tell her that her behaviour is unacceptable!

2020newme · 28/01/2020 22:07

The only thing employer should be contacting you about is asking if you need any support/Occ Health kind of thing.

YasssKween · 28/01/2020 22:08

She sent them to your personal one too?! God she really is a silly one. Well done OP, don't let this stress you - you've done the right thing and she hasn't followed procedure or been professional. Really hope you start feeling a bit better soon Thanks

rslsys · 28/01/2020 22:10

Does your work record outgoing phone calls OP?

SynchroSwimmer · 28/01/2020 22:10

Any merit in waiting a day or two before forwarding them on to HR - your manager might put even more in writing - for you to add to your case?

PegLegAntoine · 28/01/2020 22:10

Blimey that is way beyond unprofessional! She sounds batshit

rslsys · 28/01/2020 22:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Star81 · 28/01/2020 22:20

Totally unprofessional of her to even call you when you off sick let alone email you about not answering her calls correctly !

DarkDarkNight · 28/01/2020 22:23

I’m glad you’ve got them scheduled to go. She shouldn’t be contacting/harassing you while you are off work ill.

CoraPirbright · 28/01/2020 22:28

I am so glad you are going to send the emails to HR. Your manager is unprofessional and weird to be sending you such aggressive messages, especially when you are unwell. Hope you are feeling better soon. Let HR do their thing and don’t give it another thought.

adriennewillfly · 28/01/2020 22:31

I would send the mails, but tread carefully. HR are there to protect your company, not you or your manager.

Catsandchardonnay · 28/01/2020 22:34

Definitely do it. It’s harassment bordering on bullying. Hope you feel better soon.

TantricTwist · 28/01/2020 22:34

Send it, they requested it.

peonypower · 28/01/2020 22:36

My mind is boggling as to how people who behave like that even get jobs. Although there are plenty at my company - and some quite senior.

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 28/01/2020 22:42

She is completely out of order. Managers in my work are not supposed to communicate with people who are off sick - if it’s long-term illness it has to go via HR/OH.

It’s actually quite annoying if you’re off for something minor/short-term, because you are expected to email in every day with instructions for cover (teacher). I was off with tonsillitis last year and ended up following up every email with a phone call, because I was never sure if my manager had got/read the email. A reply saying, okay, thanks, would be better, but is not policy.

OnlyTheTitOfTheLangBerg · 28/01/2020 22:49

Make sure you make HR aware that she also sent them to your personal email address.

AmyFl · 28/01/2020 22:54

Do you work for the NHS , this is the kind of thing that goes on there.

celebratingrita · 28/01/2020 22:58

Did you definitely hang up the phone? Just wondering if she heard anything.

I would send them.

Corneliawildthing · 28/01/2020 23:01

Why is she even contacting you when you're off sick. At my work nobody is allowed to contact you re work issues if you're off .

AdachiOljulo · 28/01/2020 23:01

glad you are sending the emails - but also echoing pp remember that hr are not on your side. they are not on your manager's side only. their chief goal is to make sure the employer org doesn't get sued. that may mean your purposes align, or may not. if you want someone in your corner you need a union. are you a member?

TimeForPlentyIn2020 · 28/01/2020 23:09

Wow - another vote for sending them!

ItalianinLondon · 28/01/2020 23:09

Yeah, I am a union member but... urgh, I'd rather not. Just can't be bothered to deal with this, honestly!

This woman is very hot and cold. Sometimes she's super friendly to you and then she'll blank you out for weeks. She previously accused me of making up that I had a health condition for leniency... when I've never asked for any adjustments, extra time, etc. (purely because I've never needed it, has to be said), so it seemed very random. And lupus is not really one you can make up Confused. Quite a lot of blood test resulted and diagnostic criteria!

OP posts:
Jellybeansincognito · 28/01/2020 23:10

Good luck op. Some people are beyond odd.

Sandii · 28/01/2020 23:11

As everyone says , send them. Her actions are unprofessional and border on harassment . Think of her bullying someone not as emotionally balanced as you ? Do it for the next person she goes loopy with , if not for yourself !

DecemberSnow · 28/01/2020 23:18

Yes. Forward.
You are on sick leave
She is being very unreasonable