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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My manager just sent me a ridiculous email!

217 replies

ItalianinLondon · 28/01/2020 21:25

I've been off work sick for the last 3 weeks on my GP's insistence (I have lupus and had some viral things going on and GP said not taking time off would be a bad idea).

My line manager has been calling me at various points during this period and, to not make the story overly lengthy, called (from a blocked number) on Friday evening and I couldn't hear anything wheni picked up, assumed it was a cold call and hung up.

She then sent me an email yesterday accusing me of childish and insulting behaviour, because I'd clearly, quote, stuffed the phone under a pillow and pretended I couldn't hear when I realised it was her.

Obviously it is not something I would do, however tempting it might be... so I denied it, and we got into a bit of a back and forward by email.

I said it was a very insulting allegation and that she should apologise, to which I got:

"As for pretending that you couldn’t hear me on the phone, I know what I heard, and I was convinced that you answered and then made a pretence. I was shocked beyond measure that a colleague could behave like that. It embarrasses me to talk or think about it."

Although she has clearly managed to talk and think about it quite a lot...

Anyway, I contacted HR today and said I found it really weird for her to make totally demented accusations about me (paraphrase). They were clearly quite shocked when I said what was in the email and asked me to forward the emails.

Should I do it?? Without her consent? I hate to make a big fuss, and my bad temper has simmered down now, but seriously, I think she has gone a bit crazy over this and it is kind of concerning!

OP posts:
heartsonacake · 29/01/2020 12:27

YANBU. Hopefully this will make her see she can’t harrass people like this.

whoknows1230 · 29/01/2020 12:28

*Great that it's all in writing but be careful about changing your responses in case she produces her own set of emails, with the original reactions!

Yep. Sorry, it was a bad idea to delete things that you said. This could come home to roost if she's shown the emails and successfully claims that you didn't send the original versions*

I don't think the OP has deleted things from the emails she sent. I read it as though she typed an instinctive response to the manager but then deleted it and re-typed something more considered before sending it the manager. I might be wrong though.

whoknows1230 · 29/01/2020 12:29

Complete quote/bold fail above!

Sexnotgender · 29/01/2020 12:30

I don't think the OP has deleted things from the emails she sent. I read it as though she typed an instinctive response to the manager but then deleted it and re-typed something more considered before sending it the manager. I might be wrong though.

That’s how I read it too.

andyjusthangingaround · 29/01/2020 12:39

@ItalianinLondon
OP, I am not trying to defend your manager, but while your GP advised you to stay at home for 3 weeks (or so), have you communicated it to your manager and HR?

IntermittentParps · 29/01/2020 12:41

I read it as though she typed an instinctive response to the manager but then deleted it and re-typed something more considered before sending it the manager.

Yes, that's what she said.

midlifecrisis64 · 29/01/2020 12:42

Absolutely send them!
Sounds like she has issues tbh around paranoia. Yes, you are owed an apology. Would she normally call from an unknown number?

BrimfulofSasha · 29/01/2020 12:49

A manager shouldn't be calling you when you are on sick leave.

HR have asked for the emails, do as they say.

ItalianinLondon · 29/01/2020 13:00

@andyjusthangingaround Yeah, my GP wrote me a fit note and I submitted it to HR and also wrote an email to my direct manager.

And yeah, the deleting was like while I was writing the email initially, sorry that wasn't clear!

OP posts:
SchadenfreudePersonified · 29/01/2020 13:02

Send them. This is (I assume) a work e-mail address, and it is a work-related matter.

Nothing is secret from HR - if they ask to see the e-mails, they are doing so for a reason.

And TBH, even if these have been sent from her private e-mail address, they are regarding work, and she is bullying someone who is ILL and who legitimately doesn't have to justify themselves regarding crap like this.

Forward them to ER.

andyjusthangingaround · 29/01/2020 13:06

@ItalianinLondon - thanks for the response - then your manager was out of order!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 29/01/2020 13:08

Fucking Boris Johnson

Better than De Pfeffil, or whatever that stupid middle name he has, is.

I blocked DH when he drove DS to school once, when DS told his teacher about all the "wankers on the road" who'd held them up.

m00rfarm · 29/01/2020 13:10

Notwithstanding any of the above, she knew she was doing something wrong when she called from a blocked number ...

SchadenfreudePersonified · 29/01/2020 13:12

*bollocked, not blocked

BiBabbles · 29/01/2020 13:23

Glad you forwarded them. If you think the manager is likely try calling again, I'd suggest one the apps that automatically records phone calls.

Highonpotandused · 29/01/2020 13:29

unfortunately I don't think the teacher LOL'd! She rung up DH and said, "It was really quite difficult to explain to the other children

I’m glad the teacher called DH and not you!

FenellaVelour · 29/01/2020 13:43

Good for you for passing them on.

Fucking Boris Johnson made me laugh though, out of the mouths of babes... (even if via their dad)

diddl · 29/01/2020 13:49

Well I'm tempted to think so what if you had been pretending-she shouldn't be calling!

acatcalledjohn · 29/01/2020 13:50

Good luck speaking to HR today OP. Sounds like they are taking it seriously (and so they should).

GobletOfIre · 29/01/2020 13:51

Why is she bothering you when you are off sick? Sounds very odd. What was your relationship like before this?

Oulu · 29/01/2020 14:08

Tell HR she previously accused you of lying about your illness. That's a pretty serious matter also.

Xiaoxiong · 29/01/2020 14:12

Really hope HR takes this seriously for you OP. Your line manager has behaved outrageously and completely unprofessionally.

I also find the phrase in her email "I was shocked beyond measure that a colleague could behave like that. It embarrasses me to talk or think about it."

HuggedTrees · 29/01/2020 14:21

Well done on forwarding the email. You are off for a genuine reasons and she shouldn’t be harassing you anyway and more fool her to put it in writing!
Hope HR remind her to leave sick people alone.

ItalianinLondon · 29/01/2020 14:21

@Xiaoxiong that thought had crossed my mind too. And the tone of all the emails was like that, kind of weirdly over the top. I mean, maybe I've got too English and polite, but it seems so strange to come out with such blunt accusations and in such a kind of dramatic way...

OP posts:
HuggedTrees · 29/01/2020 14:22

Absolutely agree to tell them you’ve asked for no adjustments and she caused you of lying before. You’re probably not the first person to have had a problem with her.

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