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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He won't acknowledge me on social media

160 replies

purplerainmaker · 28/01/2020 11:47

Over allhe is a pretty good boyfriend and we are together 18 months .
He doesn't post too much but like and loves many posts of his friends.
Hi s profile pictures are always of him and his mates.
He can be a bit immature for a 35 year old man. He isn't ready for commitment or kids or even sharing a flat.
He has his own flat.
Even though he is a loving boyfriend, I am invisible to the outside work apart from his close friends and his family.
AIBU to be miffed? He is regularly interacting with lots of his friends who are women but doesn't acknowledge me really. I feel like deleting my accounts as it's painful to watch his presence yet I am not a part of his life on sm which is essentially the public and friends in his last life.

OP posts:
NoMorePoliticsPlease · 28/01/2020 11:48

Get off social media and on to real life , see people meet people. FB is the work of the devil, Instagram is as bad

MadameButterface · 28/01/2020 11:49

Have you talked to him about this?

GiveHerHellFromUs · 28/01/2020 11:53

People who showcase their relationships on social media tend to be trying to prove something to themselves.

DP and I have been together for almost 7 years. We have a baby together. Neither of us post regularly, and almost never post pictures together.

In fact the last year he's tagged me twice. When the baby was born and when we went to see Santa. That's it.

We're really happy. We don't need other people to approve of our life.

Have you met his friends? Does he object to you posting pictures? Does he like your posts?

BottleOfJameson · 28/01/2020 11:55

There's a difference between showcasing your relationship on SM and acknowledging it in the same way you acknowledge other aspects of your life. If he doesn't post much anyway I think it's fine he doesn't post loved up pictures (which are cringy anyway). If he deliberately avoids you on SM though I'd find it weird.

GinDaddy · 28/01/2020 11:55

it's painful to watch his presence yet I am not a part of his life on sm which is essentially the public and friends in his last life

You urgently need to stop looking at your relationship through the lens of social media.

If you want to be more a part of his life, make active suggestions to do things with the people he values.

If he refuses or is wary, then you may have further problems as you hinted at earlier in your post.

Original poster
purplerainmaker · 28/01/2020 11:56

Yes he thinks I'm being unreasonable.
He likes his privacy.he can't stand people updating status to relationship or putting up pics of couples in case they split and then look silly.
He like to interact with his friends, argues that he doesn't see them much but actually sees some of his female friends each day!
He is single in his status. There is literally no sign of me. I don't exist on sm and I know people frown at it but it is actually the platform used socially for us. So I feel like I do t matter public ally but I do privately

OP posts:
MadameButterface · 28/01/2020 12:00

People use social media for different things. That’s ok. I use mine to interact with friends, even ones i see all the time, so what? What do you use social media for? You’re talking about wanting to delete your accounts because he won’t acknowledge you, surely you get more out of it than (potentially) having your relationship validated? If you don’t then maybe deleting it is the right thing after all

GinDaddy · 28/01/2020 12:00

Two questions:

  1. Have you ever met/do you regularly meet the people that are in his pics?
  1. Are there ANY pictures of you with him, even in a group setting? (and q.1 will answer whether that's even an option if you don't meet his friends).
midnightmisssuki · 28/01/2020 12:01

Social media is fake - why do you need his to acknowledge you on SM - that isn’t A representation of real life. How is your relationship otherwise??

WTAFFF · 28/01/2020 12:03

I think there is a difference between not engaging in lovey dovey stuff on social media and not acknowledging you at all - are you his friend on FB?

At the very least he needs to remove the ‘single’ relationship status - even if he hides it all together.

Original poster
purplerainmaker · 28/01/2020 12:05

I have met some friends.
I have not met his female friends.there is not one single photo of me anywhere on his sm.
He doesn't like photos of himself on mine and thinks it's pathetic for couples to post themselves yet he likes all his family and friends couple Photos .
I worry it's an excuse to hide me.
Relationship good otherwise. I am
Quite involved in his life

OP posts:
CakeandCustard28 · 28/01/2020 12:07

It’s only social media... mine is set to single and I’ve been with DH for over 13 years! Sounds like you value very different things.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 28/01/2020 12:08

If it matters to you, ask him to update the relationship status so it says he's in a relationship with you. He can then hide that if he wants to and the notification won't pop up on his news feed.

Does he tag you in memes and stupid things like that?

calpolatdawn · 28/01/2020 12:08

Hang on if hes regularly interacting with women on SM but wont acknowledge you, then thats shitty, does he ever like any of your posts or anything or wish you happy birthday? if so than maybe not so bad, but if so then id be bothered.

readingismycardio · 28/01/2020 12:08

Forget social media, I'd never waste any time on a 35 year old who won't commit to ANYTHING, not even living with me. Unless you're 20 and in no rush for children.

Original poster
purplerainmaker · 28/01/2020 12:09

I am his friend on fb. I once got upset because his interaction with a girl he works with came across as tongue in cheek and inappropriate. It wasn't when he explained the context.he then tagged me in some silly innocent meme the next day as a peace offering I expect.
He keeps me sweetbut yet won't compromise on it.

OP posts:
DjMomo · 28/01/2020 12:10

Why would he interact with you on social media if you are a couple in real life? Surely if he wants to communicate with you he can do that face to face on a daily basis.
I agree it’s not wise to put your relationship status on social media. People who are close to you know if you are in a relationship, and the distant acquaintances don’t need to know.

NameChangeNugget · 28/01/2020 12:11

I can’t see what he’s doing wrong?

What’s going on between you in real life us all that matters. @GiveHerHellFromUs sums it up very well.

Don’t drive him away about such a non-event

Grumpos · 28/01/2020 12:14

I agree this is quite hurtful.

For those saying “social media is a load of bollocks” - yes that’s true and absolutely dont get drawn into the fake / perfect lives that people try to pass off. However I don’t think in this case that’s what OP is doing.
Boyfriend is active on SM and uses it to interact with friends, it’s not odd to think you might have the occasional photo posted of your partner or to acknowledge something regarding your relationship especially a long term one. The fact that there is absolutely no sign of his gf is a bit of a Red flag imo, once you add in the fact he doesn’t want to give any other signs of commitment.

I would not like it if my bf of over a year didn’t acknowledge me in part of his life, even if it’s the online part. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable to be a bit miffed

Booboooo · 28/01/2020 12:15

Myself and partner have bern together 10 years with 2 kids. We rarely go ouy together so any photo of me on sm woyld normally be with girlfriends on a nightout. We had a family photo taken at a wedding in the summer and that wss probably the only photo of us uploaded the whole of last year. We just arent a lovely dovey couple. But im sorry to not even be in a relationship on sm or have one single solitary photo of you together sounds alarm bells to me OP. He wants people to think hes single

RebelWithVerySharpClaws · 28/01/2020 12:16

You are worried about it OP, I wonder if you think he is pretending to be single to keep his options open. If this is the case you are right to be pissed off. Even if this is not the case it seems disrespectful that he ignores you on SM and there is also a hint in what you say that he has more power in the relationship than you feel that you do.

Booboooo · 28/01/2020 12:17

Terrible spelling!!!! Typing while eating

BrimfulofSasha · 28/01/2020 12:17

My OH and I have been together 6 years.
His facebook profile is the same picture he had when we met. His lock screen on his phone is the same as when we met.

He doesn't post about anyone on his social media- it still shows a single on his social media. He sends friends happy birthdays and likes posts but doesn't actually post anything himself. Other than things myself or family have tagged him in there is no evidence from his side of our relationship on social media.
Should I be worried? no.

Because everyone that matters knows we are in a relationship, we own a house together, we take holidays together, we plan our future together.

My relationship satisfaction does not hinge on the opinion of strangers.

Whats more, I don't own him.

Plus people that tag their SO in ever post on social media (my sister) with over the top soppy posts or tagging in memes sat next to each other on the sofa have far bigger relationship issues IMO

BrimfulofSasha · 28/01/2020 12:19

You sound like you have trust issues...you need to stop projecting them on him. He has done nothing wrong!

JosefKeller · 28/01/2020 12:21

Yes, ask him to update his status, he doesn't need to do anymore than that.

It's quite normal not to put private photos on social media, plenty of my friends have nothing about their other half.

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