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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

He won't acknowledge me on social media

160 replies

purplerainmaker · 28/01/2020 11:47

Over allhe is a pretty good boyfriend and we are together 18 months .
He doesn't post too much but like and loves many posts of his friends.
Hi s profile pictures are always of him and his mates.
He can be a bit immature for a 35 year old man. He isn't ready for commitment or kids or even sharing a flat.
He has his own flat.
Even though he is a loving boyfriend, I am invisible to the outside work apart from his close friends and his family.
AIBU to be miffed? He is regularly interacting with lots of his friends who are women but doesn't acknowledge me really. I feel like deleting my accounts as it's painful to watch his presence yet I am not a part of his life on sm which is essentially the public and friends in his last life.

OP posts:

Brazi103 · 28/01/2020 12:24

Unless you are walking around with your eyes closed I cant understand why you cant see the blatant obvious.
Hes 35 with no sense of commitment, he likes his single status and makes sure he keeps that up.
Erm hello, wake up!
You're not living together, he has no intention to, you're a convenience for him. And you thinks this is ok?

PatellarTendonitis · 28/01/2020 12:25

He can be a bit immature for a 35 year old man. He isn't ready for commitment or kids or even sharing a flat.

Do you want those things? If so, why are wasting time with him?

TheSoapyFrog · 28/01/2020 12:27

A man I was seeing a couple of years ago was like this. I realised I was restricted on what posts I could see, if i tagged him he would remove the tag, there were no pictures of us together etc. It turns out I was his bit on the side. He had another facebook profile which I was completely blocked from and that had all pictures of him with his proper girlfriend. He was trying to hide his relationship with me on his other profile.
I know a lot of people will talk about social media being stupid and to ignore it, but I actually love it and spend a lot of time on it and I do think people's offline behaviour can be reflected in their online behaviour.
My partner now doesn't put pictures of us up or make posts about us, but I do and I tag him and he doesn't have a problem with it. He has nothing to hide and he doesn't leave me with the feelings of doubt and uncertainty my ex did.

Original poster

purplerainmaker · 28/01/2020 12:28

He won't update.ive asked
I stay over at his a lot. I asked him about moving in and helping with his mortgage but he said that he doesn't want that. He said if that happens, where do we go from there. It's too fast for him. It's been slow to get to here.

OP posts:

SunshineAngel · 28/01/2020 12:29

Your relationship does not need to be paraded on social media. From experience of my friends and family etc, and I know this is only a general thing from what I've seen, those who post more are unhappier than those who don't post.

You don't have to put your life on display for others, just live it! The second anything starts upsetting you to this extent on social media, you know it's not for you.

You know who he talks to, which photos he likes .. it's becoming a bit obsessive.

I know that when I post pics on social media, I'm partly trying to prove to my family that I'm okay (I'm not - not because of my partner or anything, but other stuff), and when I'm at my happiest, I post least.

QueenofmyPrinces · 28/01/2020 12:30

I think some people are particularly missing the point....

He acknowledges everyone on Facebook except you. He has fun on Facebook with his friends but ignores you.

He puts up photos on FB, likes over people’s photos but will not include you in his photos or acknowledge any photos you put up.

He does not want any proof that he is in a relationship to be visible on FB although he obviously uses it a lot socially - even to interact with other women.

He is 35 and does not want any form of commitment with you.

Open your eyes OP.

Mol5 · 28/01/2020 12:32

My DH Facebook account hasn't been updated in 10+ years and says that he is single and lives in Australia - instead of married in the UK. Who cares. We live in the real world.

Batqueen · 28/01/2020 12:32

It depends really. You wouldn’t necessarily know my dp and I were together from our social media but it sounds like he isn’t very committed to you and

GaaaaarlicBread · 28/01/2020 12:33

I’ve been with my husband almost 7 years , married for almost one year . I literally couldn’t care less about his social media . He doesn’t share anything on there about us but that doesn’t make our relationship any less valid . Social media is the devil , come off it and enjoy the now!

Sadiee88 · 28/01/2020 12:33

Well I’m 41 & married and neither me nor my hubby have updated our statuses.
I’d be more worried about the real life issues you have, like not living together... if that’s what you want in your future then you need to have a talk about that. Facebook is the least of your worries.

Batqueen · 28/01/2020 12:33

Posted to soon! And wants to be able to advertise himself as single. I think if you trusted him and felt secure in the relationship otherwise this wouldn’t bother you so much

Highonpotandused · 28/01/2020 12:34

Sounds like he wants to flirt with other girls and having you on his Facebook which will hold him back.

Delete him on all SM whilst you figure out if you want to stay with someone who isn’t proud to tell everyone he is with you.

crustycrab · 28/01/2020 12:35

Nah, it's weird. The one man I know like this was a complete commitment phobe and a serial cheat.

No need to splash yourselves all over social media but he's not single is he?!

CoolcoolcoolcoolcoolNoDoubt · 28/01/2020 12:35

What @QueenofmyPrinces said.

Absolutepowercorrupts · 28/01/2020 12:36

He does not want any proof that he is in a relationship to be visible on FB although he obviously uses it a lot socially - even to interact with other women.
I agree with this post by Queenofmyprinces.
He doesn't see your relationship in the same light that you do, I don't think he sees you as his girlfriend.

RicketyLangClegety · 28/01/2020 12:36

It's a bit weird that he pretends to be single on social media. No-one needs to parade their relationship around, but it would make me suspicious. Sorry.

timeisnotaline · 28/01/2020 12:38

Maybe this isn’t the relationship for you, or any women contemplating commitment? He’s not committed nor is he interested in committing. You shouldn’t settle for this. Stop staying over while you think this through.

crustycrab · 28/01/2020 12:38

And for all the posters "married 10 years blah blah" that is completely different! She doesn't live with him, he's "not ready" and never will be. He won't be marrying her that's quite clear.

Molly2017 · 28/01/2020 12:39

I’m not friends with my DH on social media. My relationship status is single.
For me this is because I went through a very unpleasant divorce prior to meeting my now husband. When this happened I lost a load of friends both in real life and on social media because I couldn’t bare to have any contact with him.
Very occasionally I may post a photo of our family (maybe once every couple of years if a special event). I won’t tag him and we have very few mutual friends on social media.
He has never pushed the issue and completely accepts my position. If you ever wanted to have a look at my posts or messages I’d happily show him but he has never asked.

For me it’s not a lack of acknowledgement of his role in my life it’s about keeping my social media separate from my marriage.

firstimemamma · 28/01/2020 12:39

Why does it matter so much op? My fiancé is down as 'single' on Facebook and there isn't a trace of me on his profile (this is how we both actively prefer his Facebook to be, both early thirties).

We've been together for over 5 years, are very committed and happy, have a beautiful son and our own home. These are the things that matter to us, not 'being together' online.

I'd let it go if I were you.

MyuMe · 28/01/2020 12:40

He likes his privacy.he can't stand people updating status to relationship or putting up pics of couples in case they split and then look silly.

I cant stand relationship posts either. Wishing your darling hubby happy anniversary publicly when you can say it to his face.

I never posted many pics of anyone I've been with on social media

Doesn't mean I didnt love them. Our time together was private and didnt want people seeing it.

TopOftheNaughtyList · 28/01/2020 12:41

OP, if your life goal is to live with someone (or marry them) and have kids, then I don't think you're with the right man by the sounds of it. He's made it clear he doesn't want you moving in, and if he moves at this pace at age 35 then he'll be in his 40s before he's ready to even acknowledge you as his girlfriend. If you want a live in partner and a family then maybe you need to look elsewhere.

Why haven't you met any of his female friends?

GiveHerHellFromUs · 28/01/2020 12:42

OP clearly a lot of us think differently to you but look at it this way.

He won't compromise on anything that's important to you.
Living together? Fine. It's a big deal.
Changing his relationship status? It shouldn't matter if he doesn't care about it. You do. His feelings aren't more important than yours.

Rosebel · 28/01/2020 12:42

I think it's weird. The fb wouldn't bother me because social media is shit anyway but he won't commit and you haven't met any of his female friends. I suspect he's got a women on the go.
Either way if you want a committed relationship you need to look elsewhere.

Tara336 · 28/01/2020 12:43

I think people put to much emphasis on social media. I’m in a happy, loving, committed relationship. We live together, are marrying later this year but you wouldn’t really know that if you looked at our Facebook. Some people like to have a private life and not post everything out there for the world to see, I keep in contact with my friends and family on there (we see each other and text too) but there’s no need to do that with my partner. It’s not a reflection of us it’s just our attitude to social media. I think your reading to much into it tbh

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