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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He won't acknowledge me on social media

160 replies

purplerainmaker · 28/01/2020 11:47

Over allhe is a pretty good boyfriend and we are together 18 months .
He doesn't post too much but like and loves many posts of his friends.
Hi s profile pictures are always of him and his mates.
He can be a bit immature for a 35 year old man. He isn't ready for commitment or kids or even sharing a flat.
He has his own flat.
Even though he is a loving boyfriend, I am invisible to the outside work apart from his close friends and his family.
AIBU to be miffed? He is regularly interacting with lots of his friends who are women but doesn't acknowledge me really. I feel like deleting my accounts as it's painful to watch his presence yet I am not a part of his life on sm which is essentially the public and friends in his last life.

OP posts:
TheTrollFairy · 28/01/2020 12:43

10+ year relationship and I don’t really feature on DPs social media. Only photos of us both are ones I have put up (and they are limited)
I would rather he interacted with me in real life. I can’t get worked up over social media, it’s all pretty fake anyway so my comment is not to get worked up over social media and focus on your real life relationship

ChuckleBuckles · 28/01/2020 12:45

OFFS this is not about Faceache or Spacebook or Instatwat or any social media platforms, he is 35 years old, doesn't want committent or anything at all really, will not acknowledge the OP, is happy to flirt and chat with other women online. Wake up OP you are a convenient warm body for now that doesn't ask much of him, that is all you are. Block him on everything and move on with your life. You a not his partner or girlfriend to him, just someone to occupy him for now but he is clearly keeping his options wide open.

Angelw · 28/01/2020 12:51

He must have found out how evil Facebook is🤣

Wtfdoipick · 28/01/2020 12:53

I agree with ChuckleBuckles he doesn't see you as his life partner he sees you as someone to keep him occupied till someone else comes along.

Notwhatiexpected1 · 28/01/2020 12:55

Listen people who don't go on social media find it weird to parade it on there but you both do go on social media and he is keeping you a secret! No he doesn't have to be lovey dovey and keep posting stuff about you but yes you should be acknowledged on there, sounds abit of an arse and he should be proud to say you are his girlfriend

AnneKipanki · 28/01/2020 12:58

Have you name changed for this ?

'He totes luvs yah , babes !'

Mmm . Find someone else who will acknowledge you.

The choice is yours.

damnthatanxiety · 28/01/2020 12:59

Not having a relationship status on FB is fine. Having a relationship status as 'single' when you are in a relationship and not having any sign of your Dp online is not fine. It's iffy

Notwhatiexpected1 · 28/01/2020 12:59

Oh and also what are you hoping from him, he won't let you pay the mortage he doesn't want kids and he doesn't want marriage so what are you for him some company keeper and a social thing to him or just to keep his bed warm. So what if other poeple have been married for 10 years on not on their partners fbs, you are married this man won't acknowledge this woman or commit at all he sounds about 17 not 35. I never think give up on relationships but honestly I think you should meet someone better especially if you are a similar age and will be wanting kids soon and he's not going to do that so get out while you can

MyuMe · 28/01/2020 13:03

I'd say you're worried about the wrong things.

The Social media is a red herring

If he doesn't even want to consider living with you at 35 after 18 months then there's the real issue

Dazedandconfused10 · 28/01/2020 13:05

My ex and I (together 7 years) didn't even become friends in facebook until about 3 years into the relationship

HollowTalk · 28/01/2020 13:06

I asked him about moving in and helping with his mortgage

Why the hell would you do that when he won't even acknowledge you? You know he's immature. You told us that. Why would you want to live with a man in his 30's who's immature? Your life would be a nightmare.

roundturnandtwohalfhitches · 28/01/2020 13:09

He's a commitment phobe and you aren't the one he's going to change for. If that suits you then all's good.
I'm not a FB person but my bestie is. He never tags me in anything we do together (which is everything) because he doesn't want women thinking that he's not available. He'd never admit that though. It's fucking stupid and I used to find it a bit hurtful tbh like he was embarrassed by me. Now I just think he's a bit of a prick about this stuff and needs to project a certain image. Your bf is the same- portraying an image of a single man..

dottiedodah · 28/01/2020 13:11

I think he is a commitment phobe TBH.If he is 35 and still saying he doesnt want to settle down, or even share a flat with you ,then posts pics of himself and female friends it seems a bit "off" to me .How old are you ,because if you were wanting to settle down and maybe start a family you may have to look elsewhere !

KatharinaRosalie · 28/01/2020 13:14

Social media alone would not bother me that much, but a 35 year old man not willing to even discuss living together after 18 months? Because what might come next - OMG marriage? Because that's so horrible?

Yeah he's just not that into you and wants to keep his options open.

PatellarTendonitis · 28/01/2020 13:18

I asked him about moving in and helping with his mortgage but he said that he doesn't want that. He said if that happens, where do we go from there. It's too fast for him. It's been slow to get to here.

You're just a friend with benefits to him. It's not 'too fast'. Once he meets someone he really wants to commit to, he won't be like this. Why on Earth would you want to move in and pay his fucking mortgage and shag him when he treats you as just a fallback girl?

You want a relationship. This isn't one.

Mlou32 · 28/01/2020 13:18

NoMorePoliticsPlease is right; get off social media, it is the root of all that is bad! It causes so many problems and I truly believe it has made society what it is today; rude, ill mannered, demanding and entitled.

Now that my little rant is over....! I'd say don't worry about it. I always used to tag my boyfriend in stuff on Facebook (back when I had it) and he always used to ignore me. I asked why and he said that he could talk to me whenever he felt like and would rather whatsapp/text me personally than interact on social media. He didn't even respond to my friend request for god knows how long. It meant nothing, honestly, don't worry. Get off facebook, concentrate on real life. My mental health was much more improved once I came off facebook and stopped spending hours scrolling through mindless nonsense.

Lovemusic33 · 28/01/2020 13:19

I agree with ChuckleBuckle this isn’t just about SM, it sounds like he doesn’t want to be in a committed relationship with you, sounds like your more “friends with benefits”, you have been together 18 months and he says he won’t change his FB relationship status to ‘in a relationship’ because ‘people split up’?

I know lots of people are saying YABU but I don’t think you are, if I had been with someone for over a year I would expect them to at least change their status on SM and to have photos with me in. I wouldn’t expect them to communicate too much with me online as they could do this in RL but I would like to think it would be clear that they were in a relationship. YANBU, I think you both want different things, he doesn’t want to settle with you, he still wants to appear to be a single man on SM and probably in real life too.

PatellarTendonitis · 28/01/2020 13:20

I think he is a commitment phobe TBH.

No, he's not. He just hasn't met the one he wants to commit to yet. You are barking up the wrong tree.

Lampan · 28/01/2020 13:21

Sounds like he is a commitment-phobe. That’s the issue. The social media is just one sign. You need to work out if you can deal with that.
However, commitment phobia and cheating are not the same thing. It’s perfectly possible to be one and not the other.

PatellarTendonitis · 28/01/2020 13:22

Social media is a brilliant tool, too, for maintaining particularly relationships with family abroad, as a business opportunity for many, for information, all sorts, it's not evil at all. It's 2020, not 1920.

ChuckleBuckles · 28/01/2020 13:22

I agree with Patellar when he meets someone he someone he wants to commit to he will move like his arse is on fire, for now he is happy to string OP along.

NeckPainChairSearch · 28/01/2020 13:25

He likes his privacy.he can't stand people updating status to relationship or putting up pics of couples in case they split and then look silly. He like to interact with his friends, argues that he doesn't see them much but actually sees some of his female friends each day

I asked him about moving in and helping with his mortgage but he said that he doesn't want that. He said if that happens, where do we go from there. It's too fast for him

Everything you've said makes me think that he's a fairly steady, sensible person. He's told you how he feels. He's not playing games. He doesn't want commitment - he's told you that. No red flags here for me at all, but I think you're in different lanes to each other.

You just have to decide whether what he wants to offer is enough for you right now.

FizzyGreenWater · 28/01/2020 13:25

If you're over 30 yourself, dump him. You are wasting precious time if you eventually want to settle down and certainly if you want to start a family.

KatharinaRosalie · 28/01/2020 13:26

I don't see why he would be a commitment phobe. He just does not want to commit to OP. Totally different things.

NeckPainChairSearch · 28/01/2020 13:26

when he meets someone he someone he wants to commit to he will move like his arse is on fire

What's wrong with that? That's how it should be.

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