to be pissed off with this everyday sexism

[EmJay19]

So my MIL (and other family members) send cards
‘To Mr & Mrs J Bloggs’ for example, even though my initial isn’t J. What’s the sense in this? Wondering if she would do this if she had a daughter.
What are your everyday sexism bugbears?

To the posters who were taught this who are in their 40s and 50s where did you go to school? Mallory towers

My parents taught me about addressing envelopes. Nothing to do with school

@Boredisboring yes Miss & Mrs can do one

@Danetobe yes ikwym. The baby’s buggy is referred to as my buggy 🤦🏻‍♀️

Half my mail comes addressed to Mr .
I am female.

I think that's more of an example of everyday sexism, that you default to using "Mr" as a title (especially when you know the person you are writing to is female). Even then I suspect it's a question of picking the wrong value on the title drop down field. But a lot of discrimination is caused by other people being lazy.

@Damntheman I’m going to try and remember to do this this Xmas!

I can't say I care about how to formally address a letter I think in the grand scheme of things it's a non starter.

I work in a garage, people need oil for their cars. This is something I can help with easily. I have had men and women in equal numbers 'go and check with the lads' to see if I'm right. The main difference is instead if whinging about everyday sexism with this, everytime it happens I question why they needed to do that. That if say i can help it means I can help.
Many apologise and feel awkward especially since after checking with the lads they tell them to see the lass in the shop and she'll check for you.

I avoided the problem by keeping my own name. So our post was always addressed to Mr Bloggs and Dr Babdoc. Our elderly postman, 30 years ago, said he thought we were “living in sin” and apologised profusely when delivering our wedding anniversary flowers!

I have also been a copper, most of the minor sexist comments about being a small female in the job and silly questions about how I cope came from women, most men didn't say anything.

I don’t like it either

It’s not sexist ffs. It’s a formal way of addressing people.
I was taught it in the 90’s

My mother did this for a while, she was born in 1928, and she explained that what I was asking her to write on the envelope was the correct salutation for a widow.

So for me she wrote, until asked not to,

Mrs (Husband's Name) New Joint Double Barreled Surname

She managed to write the widow's version with my own name , but didn't like to do so.

I’m in my forties and was taught it at school.

I think I was about 20 when I thought “what sexist nonsense”.

I judge people and companies that do it. Unless the individual is over about 60

and I didn’t go to a posh school.
I grew up in Ayrshire and went to one of the roughest schools in the area.

Agree I don't think it is everyday sexism - obviously not great but reflective of deeper issues, not sexism. I still write it on cards to older relatives who I know might be offended if I didn't. And I was taught (I'm 45 and went to a rough comprehensive) that when the husband dies the woman reverts to her own initial. So that's what I do. Also indent addresses. For younger people I use 'The White Family'. I am a raging feminist, but I don't really mind this, I think it is a deeper issue that will resolve in time. I did take my husband's name, but often use my maiden name too (kind of mix and match). We are allowed to think these things through and make our own choices. It doesn't make you a bad feminist.

Of course it’s sexist! How strange to think otherwise.
When I got married we got a lot of cards to Dr and Mrs Cuckoo. I’m also a Dr but it seems being a wife trumped that.

Younger people seem to get annoyed with lots of things these days, even with the topic of this post

My DM and I are delighted to be called "younger" thank you: I'm 51 and she's 73, and both of us dislike this outdated etiquette convention and vestige of patriarchal tradition.

The "correct" and "polite" thing to call anyone, married woman or not, is what they'd like to be called. If in doubt, their actual name will suffice.

My mum, addressing things to me alone (say a birthday card) always addressed/addresses them to Mrs P Clara instead of Mrs S Clara. Both when my husband P was alive, and since I've been widowed.

I know that's how these things were taught, but it still annoys me.

My one was buying a property, being the primary name on it yet all legal documents from lawyer who had this information were address to my husband - Mr & Mrs Husbands Name. Grrrrrrr

It doesn’t bother me at all. What I really, really hate is being addressed as Ms when it’s just to me. I see that as a divorced or separated woman.

To the posters who were taught this who are in their 40s and 50s where did you go to school? Mallory towers?

I was taught it at a primary school that had such a reputation for being 'rough' that when I went to secondary school, many of my peers were forbidden by their parents from associating with me when they found out what primary school I went to. About five of the boys in my class (out of about 25 pupils) had been in prison by the time we had all reached about 30 years of age.

So pretty far from Mallory Towers.

Maybe they taught us this stuff because they wanted us to be able to fit in in 'posher' social circles.

It is a ridiculously outdated etiquette. I don't use it when writing to people.

Of my circle, only my parents have ever actually used it. They are in their eighties and my Dad can be super formal sometimes. He would always write letters and cards in an extremely antiquated way. He is a lot better now than he used to be though.

I don't get het up over it with them because they are lovely and incredibly generous people who I don't want to hurt. It is only a Christmas card it happens on, so once a year at most. For my birthday card they seem to just address me by my own name.

I hope that it is a tradition that will die out. Even at work (financial services) we no longer stick to this etiquette.

It’s just an old fashioned rather formal way of addressing an envelope. She sounds set her ways: for a family card she could just write John and Sue!

Those saying it will die out, I'm not so sure. When I got married 30 odd years ago, in the vast majority of couples I knew, both partners kept their surnames. I assumed the outdated tradition of women taking their husband's surname would have died out by now whereas it's still alive and kicking. I most definitely thought Mrs and Miss would have long since been replaced with Ms, but as is evidenced by this post, it's still around.

I like been being younger people especially as I am 50.

I couldn't be bothered to get upset by this to be honest.

Any etiquette book will
Tell you to do this. I sent out my wedding invitations like this and send out Christmas cards and other formal letters the same. It’s just what you’re supposed to do! I wouldn’t think of it as sexist if I received a letter like this. It’s just traditional.