to be pissed off with this everyday sexism

[EmJay19]

So my MIL (and other family members) send cards
‘To Mr & Mrs J Bloggs’ for example, even though my initial isn’t J. What’s the sense in this? Wondering if she would do this if she had a daughter.
What are your everyday sexism bugbears?

Doesn’t bother me in the slightest.

I feel like I’m in a time warp here.

I don’t get how so people are stating in some sort of absolute way that it is “correct”, as if correctness and politeness existed separately to people’s wishes, and current conventions and came down to earth carved onto a stone tablet.

It’s not just sexist to refer to a woman as if she were an appendage of her husband, it’s frankly offensive.

@PearlsPerils thank you!!!

This again? If you don’t like it, tell them that.

Or are you trawling for examples for some reason?

@ RandomUsernameHere wow that is really offensive! Not the right example to set

It intensely irritates me, and was one of the reasons we double barrelled surnames when we got married. Everyone is fine with it, and sends letters addressed to our married name - except FIL who insists upon using mr & Mrs X Notourbloodysurname. Pisses me off every time!

I certainly wouldn’t respond to Mrs Humphrey Victoriana and more than DH would respond to Mr Ermyntrude Victoriana.

I have my own name, thank you.

*any more than

I hate this but agree that it's just what used to be 'correct'.

I do address letters to my grandparents like that because I know it's what they think it proper and polite. I think it's sexist and wrong but I'd prefer to be sexist than to upset/offend very old people that I love. Maybe that's wrong, I don't know.

I'm not married but other married couple things that would drive me up the wall if I was:
'her indoors'
'my other half'
'my husband's babysitting'

My mother does it. My DH jokes ‘tell them you’re now using your married name ‘Dave’.

It’s just one step further than changing your name and title when you get married. I must admit to finding it a little ironic when women have no problem being addressed as the wife of Mr dh (i.e. Mrs dhSurname), but get irate at being addressed as the wife of dhFirstName/dhInitial dhSurname .

I hate it and am really surprised that some younger people are doing it!
The only one I know who used to do this was my grandmother who would be nearly 100 now. My mum used to get so upset about being addressed as my dad’s initial.

'my husband's babysitting' I give the stare of death to anyone who refers to a man babysitting his own children. If a man refers to babysitting his own children I throw a patronising laugh into the mix as well.

I hate it too. I’ve already taken DHs surname, I don’t want his first name as well! It is generational though, my DM does it.

I must admit to finding it a little ironic when women have no problem being addressed as the wife of Mr dh (i.e. Mrs dhSurname), but get irate at being addressed as the wife of dhFirstName/dhInitial dhSurname

Perhaps because it’s what they’ve CHOSEN and PREFER to be called, whyamidoingthis ?
And being Mrs Claire DHsName doesn’t completely erase their identity?

I was pressured into changing my name on marriage. Not by my husband, who didn't actually mind if I kept my own. But by my own family, particularly my father. So for the sake of harmony I changed it.

But like others, losing my first name too always frustrated me.

My mum (75) and my sister (57) used to always do it like that, as it was the correct way in time past, I was taught that way but rebelled from the off and mostly write Mrs and Mr, lol

I've told my mum and sister and they both write individual initials now. My sister is a high earner in a science field, is the boss to many high earning highly qualified men but is in the dark ages when it comes to things like that, it's just weird.

@LowbrowVictoriana - Perhaps because it’s what they’ve CHOSEN and PREFER to be called

Sure, they may have chosen to change their name but the reality is, changing your name on marriage is an example of everyday sexism, regardless of the justifications. It's pretty much always the woman who changes her name and title.

If people want to have all the family share a name, why not use the woman's? It actually makes more sense, particularly in the case of divorce as children generally live with their mother (probably another example of everyday sexism but let's not go there). But the name change is generally done by the woman, as that is the traditional approach.

I couldn't care less. It's only a letter and I open all the post for me and my husband and I'm not bothered who's name is on the front.

It was taught as the polite way to address a married couple. Mrs [her initial] surname indicated she was divorced, at a time when there was a stigma attached to divorce, so addressing an envelope like that risked causing upset and offence.

When something's been drummed into you as basic good manners, it's very hard to go against it even though intellectually you know it's not done that way now. Where a couple share a surname, I usually address envelopes to eg Peter and Karen Smith (or Karen and Peter Smith), even so I feel a little knot in my stomach as I wonder whether they'll take offence at being addressed on an envelope by their first names. Mr and Mrs Smith seems impersonal and thus also rude.

Having kept my maiden name, I am mildly irritated at being called Mrs Dint - I've never been married to my father. Ms Dint, please. DH was amused in the maternity hospital at being routinely called Mr Dint.

It’s the convention and considered grammatically correct. It’s not an act of sexism. An act of every day sexism is when women around the 30 mark don’t get hired ‘in case they get pregnant and go on mat leave’ or when women are harassed by strange men in the street bevause ‘it’s a compliment’. What you are referring to is patriarchal influence over our culture and language, it is not the same as everyday sexism.

Doesn’t bother me in the slightest...

Nor me.

My husband and I have the same first initial.

I hate it. Also I haven’t changed my name so I got pissed off at getting mail addressed to me as Mrs DHName as well.

It’s sexist crap that makes a woman an adjunct to her husband.

This announcement caused a bit of a storm for obvious reasons
www.royal.uk/announcement-birth-mr-and-mrs-tindalls-second-baby

I get this even though DH’s last name isn’t my last name.

Outdated nonsense. We joke about DH’s secret wife in the attic who gets a lot of cards.

I can remember my mum ranting about this in the 80s when she received post from her own mother addressed this way. My mum is now in her late 60s so women have been getting pissed off about this sexist claptrap for a long time.