To wonder if they are nasty to most teachers ?

[Werkinggirl]

I've been in a new school for 3 weeks. To be fair it's a challenging school in a deprived area, but i've had so many nasty comments.
What annoys me is then when I see the nasty students being nice and showing respect to other teachers !
I follow the behaviour policy and apply C3s for both poor behaviour and work that is not complete or to a poor standard, and extreme issues I have them removed by on-call.
I'm shocked to see just how nasty some students are.
I've had quite a few nasty comments about my appearance, picking apart my face, analysing the way I walk, my voice, anything. Making fun of my mannerisms, things I didn't even realise I did !
Today a girl I have never taught shouted at me that my hair was a mess.
I've been told 'you peck head, you bore me' all sorts of stuff. Sworn at, told to shut up. If you ask them a simple instruction they about, "alright, jesus christ chill !" at you and make comments about how their old teacher is so much better, can actually teach etc.
Fortunately there are some lovely and hardworking students who I have never had issues with.
I've had 2 girls pretend to throw up when I walked past and say out loud "she's horrible".
I've managed to get some students on side and they know I expect the work to be done or it will result in a detention.
I had a class who behaved brilliantly and my last lesson with them I bought some biscuits. One girl whispered "Why the fuck is she handing out biscuits she's fucking weird".
There are of course known troublemakers who play up for every single teacher, but I feel like a failure when I see the other teachers getting so much respect, as I feel I am very fair.
I've only been there 3 weeks and don't know if I can take the constant nastiness and rudeness. If a peer were speaking to me like that I would just shut them down, but in school we have to be the example and be professional. What would you do ?

Sorry your having a tough time. I had a similar school for my NQT. Mentally it's hard to get so much abuse, were are human! The best advice I got was to depersonalise it. On one level, it's not personal because they don't know you, they can't really judge you. On a wider level, behaviour management is a school wide issue. Individual teachers in a classroom can't control BM. You can be like the A and B teachers above (and you should aim to be, they are great examples) but if the school wide system isn't sorted out it still won't work till you've been there a long time. People forget what it's like to be a new teacher, or new to the school, but it's really not your fault. Get through it, get out to a nicer school that takes responsibility for effective behaviour management.

@grasukdesim, Oh thanks, that’s such a lovely thing to hear on a Friday evening! I’m not sure about inspirational, as I outright admit that I couldn’t remain in full time teaching (it wore me out, physically and mentally, and I had no life beyond my job), but when I am on supply, I just put all my energy into the kids sat in front of me in that moment.

Are you a teacher, HaudYerWheesht? I'm guessing not... How is "Teach the way your [sic] were taught" any kind of sensible advice? And how is expecting not to be insulted and abused acting like you're in a popularity contest?

Thanks again for the replies ! Im not going to bother with the small number of harsh comments. No, im not trying to be popular, im trying to maintain an environment where i'm not having abuse hurler at me daily, but sorry that's hard to understand.
I don't mean to seem défensive but there are a small number of keyboard warriors here.

OP l feel for you, it must take a very thick skin to be a teacher, and it shouldn't be like that.
All l can say is stick it out for the few who really want to learn, you may well be their inspiration towards a better future. be tough as hell on the rest and try hard to not let it get to you.

You've only been there 15 days.

How long was their previous teacher around? How long are their others teachers around for?

If staff turnover is high, which it tends to be in deprived areas with vulnerable students, they've likely had a constant stream of new, inexperienced, inadequate and unqualified teachers. If not just agency cover supervisors, which is effectively paying a random adult to come in and try to keep them in the room for roughly the same pay as a receptionist in a building firm with a far greater risk of being punched or called names. What's the point of being nice to yet another bloody NQT? You'll just start to like them and they'll fuck off and somebody else will be there.

For a large number of kids, school is the one source of stability in their lives. Rapid staff turnover (or gung ho heads wanting to fuck with what works just for the sake of change and moving people around) just takes away the last bit of security or reliability they had.

Screaming and shouting at them doesn't work. They get shouted at all the time. Speaking clearly and softly, however - they're not used to being spoken to with respect, whether amongst their friends, at home or, if they're wondering who the hell is going to show up for their lessons this time, certainly not at school.

The parents are often the main contributing factor as to why they are resentful, suspicious and prickly. You're weird for buying biscuits because they don't get treats. They don't get given anything without there being conditions attached. You know where you are if your mate has stolen the new teacher's biscuits - what creepy fuckery is there involved in accepting biscuits from a stranger who offers them to you?

You don't have to tolerate rudeness - but you do need to remember that what they say to you is absolutely nothing compared to what their parents, peers and some other staff say to them.

The most effective sentence I've ever used is a visibly irritated but calm 'have I ever spoken to you like that? Well? Exactly. So why would you do it to me?'. But, other than outright insults, the rest 'Oh, we want the old one back' (who they tortured weekly) and 'This is boring', etc, etc, is just trying to get a reaction from you to disrupt the class. It's not personal. You haven't been there long enough for it to be personal.

I'm so sorry you're experiencing this. It isn't acceptable. What do you do when something happens? Is your line manager supporting you?

Unfortunately pupils are always difficult when you start at a new school, but it sounds like you're having an especially tough time.

The Behaviour forums on TES used to be fantastic. I'm not sure AIBU is the best place to get support. Maybe ask for this to be moved to Staffroom?

It's not like the adverts. The only the most totalitarian remain for a reason. I've only survived so long by changing school regularly. (22 years, now age 44)
Try not to let the personal comments get to you. Also try not to let it affect your opinion of the kids. Ie try not to let it make you hate them.
So many teachers always coming in thinking they can do it. They'll have the magic touch. So many leaving every year...

That’s just awful OP. I’m obviously hopelessly naive, but I can’t believe we expect teachers to put up with this.

What I would say is that if the student are saying these things about you, just imagine what they are saying to each other. If you are able to learn to mask your reactions and bat their comments away with humour, you will be a great role model to the students who are suffering worse taunts on the buses, playgrounds and corridors.

I suppose that some of the taunts may even be coming from those same bullied children. Aggressive behaviour (which this definitely is) comes from a place of fear.

Re the biscuits just because one kid thought it was ‘weird’ doesn’t mean they all did!

I'm not a teacher but I work with teenagers.

Tbh I think you probably need to toughen up a bit. Teenagers can be fascinating and a lot of fun, but they can also be little shits at times. Just let any personal comments wash off you like water off a duck's back. It really, really doesn't matter what they think of your hair or clothes.

3 weeks is very little to build up a relationship. Stay calm and be consistent, and it will come with time.

Better to be consistent with discipline than "coming down harsh". Be humane, try to connect, don't punish them to take revenge because they have hurt your feelings.

If you need help managing your feelings about the situation then talk to the member of staff who is supervising you.

No I don’t teach, but I also don’t have to teach to understand the OP needs to develop a thick skin.

I deal with troublesome kids and families in my own profession, and was a social worker for many many years before this.

The OP is expecting to have respect, this is never going to happen, respect is earned with these families and kids, if they’ve never had respect in the home environment they’re not going to automatically give respect, kill with kindness and follow the behaviour polices and her training.

If the OP has had many years of teaching as a TA and also being newly qualified, you’d have thought she’d have developed a thick skin by now.

Comments of this nature is not unknown, or even rare in deprived areas, personally I wouldn’t be posting on MN moaning that teens are being teens.

If she wanted a supportive thread instead of AIBU, post in education.

Completely agree with crazycatuslady and with satchastark they are expecting you to leave, they don't want to like you because they don't think you'll stay. It's not about you, so please try not to take it personally, you represent an authority figure, rather than bother to give you a go only to be let down, they get far more out of entertaining their mates.
The teachers they do respect aren't doing anything groundbreaking, you're right, but they have been consistent and proved to the kids they are worth listening to.
Of course it's not acceptable behaviour and of course they need to be challenged. Speak to your mentor or head if department and come up with a plan. NQT year is really tough, and it does get easier.
I always find that showing that I'm bothered, that I care, pretending that I like them, even if it's my least favourite class, really helps. Every lesson, regardless of what happened last week, I'm smiling and I'm making it clear I'm expecting great things from them. Especially when inside I'm desperate for it not to be awful.

It takes a while to build up a thick skin, for sure. Think of it like learning to play the guitar, you’re trying so hard but the strings are slicing your fingers to ribbons regardless of your efforts. It’s so easy to say “I can’t take the pain anymore!” and quit (so many teachers leave the profession in the first couple of years, it’s unreal!), but if you stick it out your fingertips form callouses, the skin thickens to protect the delicate nerves beneath it and things get easier.
Revisiting your communication modules would be a good plan of action here. But stick to the behaviour policies, air your grievances with your head of department or the head of year for the group you’re teaching. And STAY CALM. (Teacher of 14 years but TA for family sanity the past 4!)

Little shits bless your patients. I'd throw a book at them a hard one.
Ignore them OP they are acting big to be popular. My nephew was a sweet boy starting secondary now he is a cheeky shit to act tough in front on peers.
I'd ignore them. I get it is hard.

More positively.
Line kids up. Always. What you're doing here sans psychological babble is holding entry to your realm hostage until they respect your authority.
Always think of them as children, and make this clear in your manner. Say "ok children today we're. ..." even the 6ft 4 ones. Don't project your imagined malice onto them. If they're really pissing you off say "I will not be spoken to that way by a child" etc. This may be hard if youve given them the upper hand. If it results in the whole class openly mocking you repeat step one repeatedly. (If youre on your own.) Call backup, if you can, but be careful. It undermines your power.

I should run conferences and don't want PP to steal my tips and profit from them in arenas :)

There’s some great sounding advice on here ( I’m not a teacher but it sounds sensible) but sometimes I hate AIBU, when an OP says “I’m struggling” about something, which takes courage even to strangers on the internet, and some posters feel the need to put them down more, belittle them and make them feel worse. Constructive criticism is helpful but just being nasty is unnecessary and damaging. Please think before posting to an OP asking for advice, whatever the subject. Fully expect to get flamed myself now by these posters.

Thanks again for the help. I do need to remember that these teachers have been here à while and know the kids well. It surely is difficult for them to have to get used to another teacher too, I don't take their comments personally, it's just a bit tough to have to be verbally abused daily.
But this thread has given excellent advice and motivated me to keep trying and not give up.

I agree sometimes there's a fine line. Being told, "I don't think you'll be working long as a teacher" "You sound like an immature teenager" is unnecessary and unhelpful but these types exist on every thread.

There's some poor advice on here. Mocking teens will create a confrontation. Humour is fine at times, cutting sarcasm is not. Roaring at teens is not helpful either. Follow the policy to the letter. Be calm and try to appear cool, even when you are upset inside. Post in the staff room for advice.

Christ, don’t ask for teaching advice on AIBU, go to the Staffroom where people actually know what they’re talking about.

You’re an NQT. Kids test NQTs. You’re starting part-way through the year. Kids hate change. You are therefore doubly screwed before you’ve even got in the classroom. Young and female? Triply screwed.

You could do exactly the same lesson as the teachers you see being respected in the corridors and it wouldn’t be received in the same way because of the above.

One thing that you learn very quickly about kids is that their absolute favourite teacher is always the one they had before you. And that teacher taught differently, let them listen to music, let them go early, and was just fab. (Until you say to them ‘so, you were taught this last year and should already know it’ in which case they’ll have never seen it before in their lives).

Just keep chipping away at them. Get help with your worst classes. If you’re struggling getting them in and settled ask for SLT/HOD to drop in and support. Follow the behaviour policy. Report rude comments.

Don’t take it personally. It really isn’t personal.

Read this book 'when the adults change, everything changes' by Paul Dix - it will completely change how you understand teaching and your job. Very good read!

Read this book 'when the adults change, everything changes' by Paul Dix

Or on the other hand, don’t read this book. Not very popular on the staffroom forum....

Bill Rogers, Tom Bennett are good for behaviour. Tom Bennett has lots of helpful videos if you google.

YABU in a way. I tried to do a PGCE and the students at my first school placement (which was actually a posh school) were awful. However, you haven't been there long- they'll probably cool it after a bit. Best wishes xxxxx

I’ve not read the whole thread (RTFT) so apologies if someone else has said this/you’ve addressed it. But as a teacher, going into SLT when I return from mat leave the line:

“ I try to be very fair yet firm, don't scream at them, don't exactly give them arduous work”

Really stood out to me. Give them arduous work!! You will have heard this in your training but pupils really do play up when they’re not stretched. I honestly believe that the best behaviour management comes as a result of (appropriately) challenging lessons with pace. Don’t give them the opportunity to pass these comments.

I have no idea what you’re like in the classroom but I’ve mentored/trained students and NQTs and pupils are sooooooo good at picking up on a lack of confidence in the classroom. Of course the response from experienced teachers/mentors etc is “apply the behaviour policy consistently and fairly” but again, if this isn’t delivered confidently the kids won’t take it seriously. You have to fake it until you make it.

PS - people are being harsh about the biscuit gesture but I wouldn’t have done it at a new school for a class I barely know. The first time I ever bought cake in for a class was for my Y11s who were the first cohort to sit the 9-1 maths GCSE and I’d had for 3 years (other than my slightly annoying but also very sweet Y7 form a couple of years ago).