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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why my husband couldn’t lay on top of hospital bed next to me?

347 replies

Amyarmadillo1990 · 22/01/2020 10:10

So I’ve been in hospital a couple of times over my adult life, twice when I had my children, both times during labour my husband would lay on the bed with me,
Mostly we would both sleep, then I had an operation a few months back and before the op whilst I was in pain he would again lay next to me, either to cuddle me or just to talk but it was just nice to know he was right next to me when I was so poorly. Recently I was taken into hosp again, really poorly, never felt so horrific in my life. I was in tears a lot of the time and just an all round mess. My husband was working nights but he still came to hosp every day to see me. Every day we would both lay on top of the covers and sleep, during my stay we saw many nurses, sister of the ward etc and no one said anything. On the last day, a nurse younger than us came into do my obs, and yelled at my husband to get off the bed as it wasn’t really appropriate. When I asked why, as we were only napping, on top of the covers, she said it just doesn’t look very good does it’
We’re 30 and married, what exactly doesn’t look good about it? It’s not as if we were naked 😂
I’m just wondering if this is an actual rule, and if so why it’s been allowed before, I’ve seen lots of partners lay on beds during the times I’ve been in hospital! Or is it up to the nurses to decide or was my nurse just having a bad day that day? 😂 genuinley curious! Hoping I don’t have to go into hosp again for a loooong time but just want to be up to date on bed rules just incase 🙈

OP posts:
eminencegrise · 22/01/2020 10:13

Infection control?

Whentheleavesfalldown · 22/01/2020 10:14

We don't allow relatives or anyone but the patient on the patients bed or chair due to infection control.
Not sure why you needed him in the bed with you, why couldn't he have sat on a chair?

WellErrr · 22/01/2020 10:14

It’s not safe from a cross-contamination point of view, and it’s bloody weird tbh and will ring red flags with the nurses re controlling partner.

I’d say something too. Hospital beds are barely big enough for one and you need room to lie comfortably and recover. Not being spooned by your husband in full view of the ward.

That will be where the nurses are coming from. Hope you’re feeling better.

ByAppointmentTo · 22/01/2020 10:15

I've spent quite a lot of time in hospital (although the last admission was nine years ago so things may have changed) Visitors weren't even allowed to sit on the beds due to infection control measures.

WellErrr · 22/01/2020 10:15

I’ve seen lots of partners lay on beds during the times I’ve been in hospital!

I’ve never seen it ever. And if I did he’d be turned off the bed sharpish.

Beds are for patients!

WellErrr · 22/01/2020 10:15

*turfed

Winterwoollies · 22/01/2020 10:16

I always thought it was more to do with potentially breaking a very expensive bed and its mechanism. Two adults can be very heavy when their weights are combined. Bariatric patients have to have special beds. It’s probably more to do with that.

Although it sounds like you guys would get quite ‘spoony’. Maybe they’ve had patients doing unpleasant things in the ward in the past and so discourage bed sharing.

Rose789 · 22/01/2020 10:16

I’m in hospital currently. Visitors aren’t allowed to sit on beds or in the patients bedside chair they have to sit on the plastic visitors chairs for infection control.
I thought that was just standard.
If your in a private room I can’t see it matters if he has a nap but in a ward I would be a bit taken aback and uncomfortable

puds11 · 22/01/2020 10:17

Had this whilst I was having my DD. The rule is beds are for patients, which you know, they should be Confused

Todaythiscouldbe · 22/01/2020 10:17

It's standard. Beds are for patients. You're usually asked not to even sit on the bed.

virginpinkmartini · 22/01/2020 10:17

Well, first of all I would have thought it was for infection control. He's on the bed in what I assume are clothes that he has worn outside in.

Second of all, no. It's not appropriate for him to be lying on the bed with you. You are the patient, not him. I'm really tired of visitors treating hospitals like they are hotels.
I just read an article about the ERI in Edinburgh, where the partners of the mothers giving birth were treating the place like a hospital, lying in/ on beds with the mother, staying overnight, asking for meals, trying to use staff facilities to heat up meals. The reason why you likely haven't been told off before is because the staff are overrun, and probably have bigger fish to fry than telling inconsiderate patients to cut it out.

This shit needs to be killed dead.

JockTamsonsBairns · 22/01/2020 10:18

My mother was in hospital recently, when I was visiting I was reprimanded for sitting on the edge of her bed so the nurse brought me a chair. I assumed it was for hygiene reasons.
I'm quite surprised that in the past, ward staff have been completely happy to allow your DH to lie on the bed with you. Not for any sexual connotation, it's just that cuddling in/on a hospital bed doesn't seem like the 'done thing'. I can't put my finger on why though.
Hope you're feeling better soon Flowers

SquareAsABlock · 22/01/2020 10:19

The hospitals I've been to have specifically stated that beds are for patients only. Whilst I understand that he's come to support you whilst also being tired himself, I don't think it's appropriate he had a nap in the bed with you. To be honest, I'm not sure how two adults could even fit on one of those beds for 'a nap', and there would definitely be health and safety issues (one could fall off and hurt themselves, lines could be pulled out, an illness spread and so forth). A perfectly healthy person doesn't need to get into a hospital bed for a nap regardless.

KidLorneRoll · 22/01/2020 10:19

My OH got a bollocking for sitting on the bed when I was in the chair because that was more comfortable.

The infection control angle is total bullshit. 1) They had no issue with me sitting in the same chair he had been sat on all day 2) I had sat on the bed in my normal clothes so anything he had bought from our shared house I had bought too. So ultimately it comes down to pointless draconian rules.

EmmiJay · 22/01/2020 10:19

I've been in hospital a fair few times and never seen a couple cuddling on a bed or anyone else sitting on the hospital bed.👀 Its for the patient. Germs! Germs everywhere!

Sparklingbrook · 22/01/2020 10:20

I would think that very strange, and would expect the staff to have a word.

Hospital beds are for one person-the patient. The person that is having treatment and needs their rest.

Visitors sit in the chair, not even on the bed in my experience.

Spidey66 · 22/01/2020 10:20

Of course it's inappropriate. The beds are for the patients, not the visitors. I can understand a parent getting on the bed with a small, distressed child, but that's it.

Original poster
Amyarmadillo1990 · 22/01/2020 10:20

Thanks everyone for the opinions :)

OP posts:
TotHappy · 22/01/2020 10:20

Never had any of the infection control stuff when I've been in. Have had my daughter sit next to me in the bed to read her a story etc, have sat in side of my mum's bed to massage her. I don't think everywhere has the same rules.

crustycrab · 22/01/2020 10:20

Why does it matter that she's younger than you? Glad she's said something and not sure why the others haven't.

It's bad for infection control and no, it doesn't look good either. Inappropriate. If he needs a sleep he can go home and get one!

Monr0e · 22/01/2020 10:21

Yes it's a rule
As everyone has already pointed out, its for infection control purposes. Hospital is a clinical setting, beds are for patients.
The age of the nurse has no bearing whatsoever. It sounds like you think that as she is younger than you she has no business telling you what to do

Sparklingbrook · 22/01/2020 10:21

The chairs are usually wipe clean-the beds are not.

onanothertrain · 22/01/2020 10:22

I've shifted a few visitors who were lying on beds, I can't believe why anyone would think this was acceptable or appropriate behaviour.

DesLynamsMoustache · 22/01/2020 10:22

Was this an open ward? Perhaps lying in bed together cuddling might have made some of the other patients uncomfortable?

PositiveVibez · 22/01/2020 10:22

For all the reasons above and from a personal point of view - how fucking weird. Your not at home and it's not his bed.

If I walked past a cubicle and seen you both huddled together, sleeping on a hospital bed made for one sick patient, I'd think it was creepy AF