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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why my husband couldn’t lay on top of hospital bed next to me?

347 replies

Amyarmadillo1990 · 22/01/2020 10:10

So I’ve been in hospital a couple of times over my adult life, twice when I had my children, both times during labour my husband would lay on the bed with me,
Mostly we would both sleep, then I had an operation a few months back and before the op whilst I was in pain he would again lay next to me, either to cuddle me or just to talk but it was just nice to know he was right next to me when I was so poorly. Recently I was taken into hosp again, really poorly, never felt so horrific in my life. I was in tears a lot of the time and just an all round mess. My husband was working nights but he still came to hosp every day to see me. Every day we would both lay on top of the covers and sleep, during my stay we saw many nurses, sister of the ward etc and no one said anything. On the last day, a nurse younger than us came into do my obs, and yelled at my husband to get off the bed as it wasn’t really appropriate. When I asked why, as we were only napping, on top of the covers, she said it just doesn’t look very good does it’
We’re 30 and married, what exactly doesn’t look good about it? It’s not as if we were naked 😂
I’m just wondering if this is an actual rule, and if so why it’s been allowed before, I’ve seen lots of partners lay on beds during the times I’ve been in hospital! Or is it up to the nurses to decide or was my nurse just having a bad day that day? 😂 genuinley curious! Hoping I don’t have to go into hosp again for a loooong time but just want to be up to date on bed rules just incase 🙈

OP posts:
Original poster
Amyarmadillo1990 · 22/01/2020 10:35

@Vulpine I was private :)

OP posts:
Fanniesyeraunt · 22/01/2020 10:36

I sat on the edge of the bed last year when my dm was taken into hospital and was told off by the ward sister. I said something a bit sarky in return and she explained that they’re only meant for one person and it’s dangerous if they collapse - so fair enough!

SquareAsABlock · 22/01/2020 10:36

@Amyarmadillo1990, why ask if you didn't want to read the responses? Can you at least see why you were in the wrong?

Urkiddingright · 22/01/2020 10:36

One of my fondest memories (as weird as it sounds) is DH falling asleep in hospital bed cuddling me when I was having my miscarriage. It was such a horrible time for both of us obviously but that’s the only nice thing that came from it, that memory.

Anyway, I think it’s infection control tbh. I know people have been told off for perching on the edge of the bed.

Sparklingbrook · 22/01/2020 10:36

So that's a nearly unanimous YABU then. That's reassuring.

ASundayWellSpent · 22/01/2020 10:36

DP was asked to get off my bed whilst in slow labour too. It was annoying as we had finally fallen asleep at least, but rules are rules

Tara12 · 22/01/2020 10:37

Have you ever seen anyone else doing this?No.
Because it's utterly out of order.
I would cringe if I saw this. The trouble is people forget that hospital is for everyone, not just you and your family carrying on as if you were at home.
It shows no respect to staff or other patients and is inappropriate in the extreme.
Also it's lie not lay.

Lucked · 22/01/2020 10:37

I am going to suggest that other staff members didn’t challenge you because they have become confrontation adverse because they get so much abuse from families and patients.

GeePipe · 22/01/2020 10:37

Peoples views in the uk are very weird. Human touch helps aid recovery so i dont see ops husband laying next to her for a cuddle a problem. But then again good healthy food helps aid recovery something uk hospitals dont seem to agree with.

I was in hospital in november. I was rushed in and had my normal bloody clothes on (literally bloody) and i stayed in them for 2 days laying on a bed with a leaky drip dripping blood on the sheets and no food in 2 days bar one piece of toast at 2am. When dp visited he forgot to bring my bag as i was supposed to be discharged but then wasnt until much later and he was allowed to sit on my bed no problem (i was in the chair). Ironically his clothes were cleaner than mine. I dont think you were wrong op but accept most hospitals probably dont allow it.

separatebeds · 22/01/2020 10:39

Just totally inappropriate!.

Can you imagine a whole ward full of visitors napping alongside patients who are there because they are ill or having a baby???!!!!

Bluebutterfly90 · 22/01/2020 10:39

When I went in to have my baby my DP had to sign a bit of paper, sort of a code of conduct for the ward, saying he wouldn't get in bed with me because it could potentially break the bed.
Still didn't stop the couple opposite us from both having a sleep in the ward bed.Hmm
I imagine hospital beds are very expensive and they're not built for two people.

SquareAsABlock · 22/01/2020 10:39

Peoples views in the uk are very weird.

Yes, utterly bizarre that nurses dont want to deal with collapsing beds, germs spreading and perfectly healthy people snoring their heads off in hospital beds Hmm.

GeePipe · 22/01/2020 10:41

Germs in hospitals are because hospitals are filthy cesspits not because visitors sit on beds.

Fanniesyeraunt · 22/01/2020 10:43

Agree don’t get all the replies about how weird the OP and her husband are - it’s completely natural when you’re ill or scared to want physical comfort from your husband.
The nurse was well within her rights to tell your dh to get off for safety/medical reasons but she shouldn’t have shouted and people on here are just being a bit hysterical about it all!

kierenthecommunity · 22/01/2020 10:43

Anyone else read this as why couldn’t the husband lie on top of her, and think that it would definitely be inappropriate? 😂

PositiveVibez · 22/01/2020 10:43

I had my DH lay with me on the bed a few times (and we were told off a number of times)

Yet you chose to completely ignore the nurses 🤔

Sidge · 22/01/2020 10:44

It’s a hospital, not the Hilton. Even if it is a private room.

There’s also the fact that hospital bed have electric mechanisms to raise, lower, bend and move them. They tend to have a weight limit and two adults will exceed that and potentially damage them. They cost thousand. Special beds have to be booked for morbidly obese or bariatric patients.

ohohohmerrychristmas · 22/01/2020 10:44

I’ve looked after dying and very seriously ill patients , and still not seen this happen with adults, it’s absurd ... We used to provide a second bed or recliner chair depending on circumstances - typically only if the patient wasn’t expected to survive the night .

Have come across teenagers trying to sit on the bed together during day time, that was stopped very quickly . It’s a hospital, with other patients, not your own room to do what you like in - there has to be a limit .

The beds are also very small - and the frameworks aren’t that strong/snap easily - how in the hell did you get two people comfortably on one? And surely if you were in that much pain you wouldn’t want another person on top of you anyway ... The mind boggles .

Lucymumofson · 22/01/2020 10:45

Why can’t he sit next to you and comfort you from a chair? I understand you are worried but he can comfort you from your side.
It’s for infection control reasons, and single beds in the hospital and not designed for two adults to lie on, you’re meant to be recovering.
The NHS is under immense strain, I hope the nurses are doing their best looking after you and not having to waste time asking your husband to move out the way. Get off mumsnet if you feel so Ill so you can recover and be discharged and cuddle at home.

SquareAsABlock · 22/01/2020 10:45

@GeePipe, there may be flithier hospitals around but that doesn't mean that visitors can't bring more in. Or on the flip side, a healthy person catching germs from the patient because the 'needed' to get in bed with each other.

Never mind that the beds are not built for two people. I've only had to be in one myself once and it was the most uncomfortable experience of a bed I've ever had - if my 14 stone husband had decided to get in as well then I might as well have slept on the floor.

SquareAsABlock · 22/01/2020 10:46

@kierenthecommunity, I really did Blush. I had to reread it a couple of times!

Lunafortheloveogod · 22/01/2020 10:49

Infection control
Immediate access for resus.. imagine knowing you shifting your arse was the difference between your partner living and dying
Weight limits.. there are special beds for bariatric patients when needed.. not for spooning.
Staffs personal fucking comfort! The number of patients and their partners that need told not to float about in their pants, have private passionate moments and need to be reminded they’re in a hospital is unreal. Would you like to walk in on Betty and Stu having a quicky cause their in a side room... no you wouldn’t. Hmm

WorraLiberty · 22/01/2020 10:49

She actually 'yelled' at you, did she? Hmm

CrotchetyQuaver · 22/01/2020 10:51

The nurse is right it's not appropriate. The only time it's remotely possibly right is with a parent and small child. I did it with my almost 3 year old after I'd spent a night by her bed on a mattress on the floor, and then in the morning got into her bed to give her a little cuddle before I got up and dressed, same as at home.

You and him need to have a rethink, you're not a child and nobody adult behaves like this in a hospital setting that I've ever seen at any rate. They might make an exception if you're dying I suppose.

84claire84 · 22/01/2020 10:52

Very odd behaviour. He's a visitor not a patient and should not be in your bed.