To wonder why my husband couldn’t lay on top of hospital bed next to me?

[Amyarmadillo1990]

So I’ve been in hospital a couple of times over my adult life, twice when I had my children, both times during labour my husband would lay on the bed with me,
Mostly we would both sleep, then I had an operation a few months back and before the op whilst I was in pain he would again lay next to me, either to cuddle me or just to talk but it was just nice to know he was right next to me when I was so poorly. Recently I was taken into hosp again, really poorly, never felt so horrific in my life. I was in tears a lot of the time and just an all round mess. My husband was working nights but he still came to hosp every day to see me. Every day we would both lay on top of the covers and sleep, during my stay we saw many nurses, sister of the ward etc and no one said anything. On the last day, a nurse younger than us came into do my obs, and yelled at my husband to get off the bed as it wasn’t really appropriate. When I asked why, as we were only napping, on top of the covers, she said it just doesn’t look very good does it’
We’re 30 and married, what exactly doesn’t look good about it? It’s not as if we were naked 😂
I’m just wondering if this is an actual rule, and if so why it’s been allowed before, I’ve seen lots of partners lay on beds during the times I’ve been in hospital! Or is it up to the nurses to decide or was my nurse just having a bad day that day? 😂 genuinley curious! Hoping I don’t have to go into hosp again for a loooong time but just want to be up to date on bed rules just incase 🙈

When my elderly mum was In hospital, I’m pretty sure visitors weren’t allowed to even sit on the beds, let alone lie on them. I think it was for hygiene reasons maybe?

Hospital beds are for patients, not spooning with visitors.

I've never seen a couple sharing a hospital bed. One person is a patient. The other isn't

Not everyone is comfortable seeing PDAs in hospital wards. My elderly father certainly wasn’t. Even just cuddling.

Seeing this would make me feel uncomfortable.

He could still have been a comfort to you sat next to you on a chair. You seem a bit fixated on the bed thing.

Infection control policies mean visitors (and staff) are not allowed to sit or lie on patients beds.

Also I agree it ‘doesn’t look good’ as it can make other patients and their visitors feel uncomfortable. Not because it looks sexual (unless you were spooning!) but because 2 adults sleeping on a hospital bed together is very unusual and inappropriate. You’re in a public place not at home. If he’s on nights he needs to go home and get some sleep rather than use your hospital bed for a nap!

You’re in your 30s, why do you need him to get into the bed and cuddle you? Can he not sit in the chair next to the bed and hold your hand, like the other visitors?

I’ve worked in hospitals for over a decade and I’ve never seen two adults snuggling up in the same hospital bed, apart from when someone is dying (and they would nearly always be in a private room not in a bay, and staff tend to turn a blind eye when someone’s nearing end of life).

If I were on an adult ward and saw a visitor in a patient’s bed I’d tell him/her to get out of the bed and explain why it’s not appropriate.

I am a nurse and I have never seen a visitor do this. I would also tell you to stop because in an open bay it's pretty inappropriate. Plus the beds are narrow and if you fell out it would then be my fault.

@LolaSmiles Hospital beds are for patients, not spooning with visitors

Perfect way to explain it.

Obviously I'm in the minority but when I was on the ante natal ward for a long time recently I had my DH lay with me on the bed a few times (and we were told off a number of times).

I was on the ante natal ward due to severe complications of the pregnancy and as such was an emotional wreck. He is my rock and living in the hospital for days / weeks at a time was really taking it's toll on me but I had no other choice. Plus I was having a terrible time trying to sleep. Having him on my bed for 20-30 minutes to cuddle and have that reassurance was really important to me. I'm surprised people think it's so unreasonable.

If you would feel uncomfortable seeing a couple spoon in weatherspoons or the cinema or wouldn’t do it whilst your in-laws where visiting for tea in the same room, then that’s why it’s weird for a hospital bed.
Yes there are times it’s appropriate like terminal patients for any reason/children etc and this is more likely to be in a private room. But on a ward, of course not.

a nurse younger than us

Why does her age matter? She works there, you and your husband don't.

Thank you everyone for the opinions,
Appreciated :) we weren’t spooning, simply laid next to each other and weren’t on a ward, private room!
Thank you to everyone who took the time to comment their opinions 😘

Is it even comfortable? They're not exactly big enough for 2 people!

The only time it would be acceptable is if it was a parent with a young child settling them when they are poorly. Totally unreasonable behaviour for two adults in a public space.

@QforCucumber

Was just mentioning her being younger than us as all the other nurses/ward sisters who didn’t make an issue were much older than us :) her age doesn’t matter at all :)

It's a hospital it's for patients not lovey dovey stuff or free board for the night, plus infection control and other patients to think about

When I was an inpatient I missed the physical contract with my husband in as much as cuddling. So we went to the coffee shop to sit on the sofa together. Not lie on the fucking bed!

Why would you think that's acceptable? He shouldn't be on the bed - he's not the patient. Show some respect for other patients and staff.

At least the OP and her DH were on top of the covers. A poster on another recent thread admitted bragged about her and her DH shagging on hospital chair next to their son's bed who'd been admitted (it was an individual room not a ward so that seemed okay to that particular OP) 🤢🙇‍♀️

That is really weird behaviour.

You can give comfort to a patient without lying next to them on the bed. You have to feel sorry for the nurses having to put up with this sort of thing.
What happened to visiting times?

I was recently on a gynaecology ward & the instructions said no visitors (day surgery) & no phones. The other women had husbands & children with them. I wasn’t well enough post op to get up & pull my curtains and didn’t see any nurses or HCPs to ask them to help. No cord within reach. I’d have been far happier without random men in there with me.

Maybe go private next time

At the time, whilst waiting for surgery I wasn’t quite sure if I was going to die to be honest because of how poorly I was, luckily they got me down for surgery really quickly! Was just nice having my husband lay beside me and I was too poorly to consider anything being wrong with it especially that I had a private room.
Anyways, as I said, I really appreciate everyone’s opinions on this thread, I’m back off to sleep now as still in the recovery stages so I’ll be turning off notifications on
This thread now so won’t be reading anymore replies :)

we weren’t spooning, simply laid next to each other

Well you’d have to be pretty bloody close. It’s not appropriate - I can’t believe no one else said anything!