Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why my husband couldn’t lay on top of hospital bed next to me?

347 replies

Amyarmadillo1990 · 22/01/2020 10:10

So I’ve been in hospital a couple of times over my adult life, twice when I had my children, both times during labour my husband would lay on the bed with me,
Mostly we would both sleep, then I had an operation a few months back and before the op whilst I was in pain he would again lay next to me, either to cuddle me or just to talk but it was just nice to know he was right next to me when I was so poorly. Recently I was taken into hosp again, really poorly, never felt so horrific in my life. I was in tears a lot of the time and just an all round mess. My husband was working nights but he still came to hosp every day to see me. Every day we would both lay on top of the covers and sleep, during my stay we saw many nurses, sister of the ward etc and no one said anything. On the last day, a nurse younger than us came into do my obs, and yelled at my husband to get off the bed as it wasn’t really appropriate. When I asked why, as we were only napping, on top of the covers, she said it just doesn’t look very good does it’
We’re 30 and married, what exactly doesn’t look good about it? It’s not as if we were naked 😂
I’m just wondering if this is an actual rule, and if so why it’s been allowed before, I’ve seen lots of partners lay on beds during the times I’ve been in hospital! Or is it up to the nurses to decide or was my nurse just having a bad day that day? 😂 genuinley curious! Hoping I don’t have to go into hosp again for a loooong time but just want to be up to date on bed rules just incase 🙈

OP posts:
Squigean · 22/01/2020 12:00

Also if a patient is in pain I can't imagine having an adult moving the mattress about being too comfortable.

The OP's post lamguage makes her seem so needy and self-pitying it makes me think her account of how the staff behaved a bit doubtful.

MistyCloud · 22/01/2020 12:01

@Amyarmadillo1990 YABU. I have been inside a hospital probably a couple of 100 of times in my lifetime, .... For myself, to visit family and friends, to be with DH, to take our children for things they needed to go for, for day surgery, for various clinics, to A & E, when I HAD my children, for tests, for x rays, for blood tests, and so on.

In all of the many times I have been inside a hospital, I have never ever EVER seen a man lying in bed, or ON the bed, snuggling and cuddling with his wife/partner.

I think it's weird and inappropriate. Not only because of contamination and infection, but because (as a few posters have said,) it will make other people feel uncomfortable and uneasy.

I know that's not what you think (or what you wanted to hear,) but I bet if you had made this a poll, most people would say YABU. This kind of PDA is off the chart unacceptable. It's a fecking hospital FFS!

Sparklingbrook · 22/01/2020 12:02

Oh yes Nadia always likes to disagree doesn't she?

viques · 22/01/2020 12:02

I don't like lying on my own bed if I am wearing day clothes. I think your husband is frankly skanky.

[I like the sound of that, I might write it on a post it note for future reference.]

Besidesthepoint · 22/01/2020 12:03

Aside from the infection control it looks very intimate. Would you do the same in front of colleagues or your boss or at the library? A hospital is a public place, not the place for sleeping in the same bed.

mindfulmam · 22/01/2020 12:04

Holding you hand While sitting on chair fine. In or on the bed just weird and not on.
Common sense surely!

MistyCloud · 22/01/2020 12:04

@Amyarmadillo1990 I also wonder why you felt the need to mention the nurse was younger than you! Hmm

BigSandyBalls2015 · 22/01/2020 12:06

I remember waddling round the local hospital on a tour of the facilities when I was about to give birth to twins ….. got shouted at for perching half a bum cheek on a bed.

MistyCloud · 22/01/2020 12:07

@myrtleWilson

A poster on another recent thread admitted (bragged) about her and her DH shagging on hospital chair next to their son's bed who'd been admitted (it was an individual room not a ward so that seemed okay to that particular OP.)

Fucking hell. Did that actually happen??? That is revolting and disturbing behaviour.

longwayoff · 22/01/2020 12:09

I'd assume you were making this up if I didn't know a midwife who has told me many tales of ok inappropriate behaviour by couples in hospital beds. As it's lunch time, I'll keep them to myself. Reminder; it's a public space, not a hotel.

eminencegrise · 22/01/2020 12:15

A poster on another recent thread admitted (bragged) about her and her DH shagging on hospital chair next to their son's bed who'd been admitted (it was an individual room not a ward so that seemed okay to that particular OP.)

Yep. I saw that and mentioned it up the thread. They had forgotten to get each other Valentine's cards so decided they need to 'cuddle' instead and of course, it just lead to full on sex.

Honestly, some people are like school in the summertime: no class.

Whattodo1610 · 22/01/2020 12:18

You’re turning off your notifications? ..... not surprised ... you’re not liking the replies - the majority saying ybvu, truth hurts .....

It’s weird, very weird. Not worth the energy explaining further ..... just weird.

myrtleWilson · 22/01/2020 12:21

@MistyCloud yep! I'd forgotten about it arising from the forgetting to get a valentines card but thankfully @eminencegrise added it to the thread!

LilyJade · 22/01/2020 12:22

I remember working on my old ward & this 90something couple fell asleep in each other's arms on her bed, during noisy visiting time, in a brightly lit bay, and were actually practically unrousable!!
It was so cute to see a couple so in love at that age that we didn't like to disturb them!

But normally it's not allowed.

ffswhatnext · 22/01/2020 12:23

I'm in and out a lot. The times I could really do with someone holding me like that in bed, I've been too ill and hooked up to whatever to make it possible. Even the bloody cannulas are annoying trying to sleep alone without knocking it out, never mind someone else in the bed.

PhilomenaChristmasPie · 22/01/2020 12:25

I didn't even think of not being allowed to sit in DS1's chair! I just never have! He's so full of antibiotics when he's in though, that he's probably at less risk of infection than me!

Toddlerteaplease · 22/01/2020 12:25

Two adults on a bed is over the weight limit of the bed. And other people really don't what to see people cuddled up.

ffswhatnext · 22/01/2020 12:26

Oh and op, just because she looks younger than you doesn't mean she is.

Toddlerteaplease · 22/01/2020 12:26

Also the nurses may not be able to actually get to you safely to do IVs etc.

blubberball · 22/01/2020 12:30

You're lucky to have a bed in hospital.

MonstranceClock · 22/01/2020 12:32

If you thought you were dying then it’s understandable. I cuddled my husband in his hospital bed when he was dying and nothing on this planet could’ve stopped me.

Iwantacookie · 22/01/2020 12:33

Although I completely understand why you would want to cuddle you dh I do think you shouldn't of done it.
I climbed into a hospital bed with ds2 when he was 3/4 and there was barely enough room for both of us then. Astonished you got 2 adults on one.

mencken · 22/01/2020 12:34

did some hospital time last year, and there were an awful lot of 'rules are for other people' types. It is a pity that we are no longer in a time when dickheads can just be given a good slap.

you are an adult in a public place. Hold hands. Don't make extra work for already wildly overworked staff.

Drabarni · 22/01/2020 12:36

I think you were taking the bloody piss and an entitled cf tbh.
If it was a double bed in a private hospital, a bit different. But those beds are made for one person, and think about the germs.
Wtf was he sleeping at the hospital?

KitKat1985 · 22/01/2020 12:36

Personally I would find it a bit inappropriate to have two people romantically involved with each other cuddling on a bed together in a hospital. I appreciate it was comforting for you but it's not really suitable behaviour for a hospital where it could be misconstrued as being more sexual.