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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why my husband couldn’t lay on top of hospital bed next to me?

347 replies

Amyarmadillo1990 · 22/01/2020 10:10

So I’ve been in hospital a couple of times over my adult life, twice when I had my children, both times during labour my husband would lay on the bed with me,
Mostly we would both sleep, then I had an operation a few months back and before the op whilst I was in pain he would again lay next to me, either to cuddle me or just to talk but it was just nice to know he was right next to me when I was so poorly. Recently I was taken into hosp again, really poorly, never felt so horrific in my life. I was in tears a lot of the time and just an all round mess. My husband was working nights but he still came to hosp every day to see me. Every day we would both lay on top of the covers and sleep, during my stay we saw many nurses, sister of the ward etc and no one said anything. On the last day, a nurse younger than us came into do my obs, and yelled at my husband to get off the bed as it wasn’t really appropriate. When I asked why, as we were only napping, on top of the covers, she said it just doesn’t look very good does it’
We’re 30 and married, what exactly doesn’t look good about it? It’s not as if we were naked 😂
I’m just wondering if this is an actual rule, and if so why it’s been allowed before, I’ve seen lots of partners lay on beds during the times I’ve been in hospital! Or is it up to the nurses to decide or was my nurse just having a bad day that day? 😂 genuinley curious! Hoping I don’t have to go into hosp again for a loooong time but just want to be up to date on bed rules just incase 🙈

OP posts:
Reginabambina · 22/01/2020 10:52

If infection control was a genuine concern in British hospitals wards wouldn’t be so prevalent. It’s one of those stupid rules created to confidence everyone that something is being done.

eminencegrise · 22/01/2020 10:53

What Luna said. Just a couple of weeks ago a poster wrote that whilst her infant son was in hospital (in a side room) she and her man realised they hadn't bought each other Valentine's card (OMG! Who'd have thought, what with having an ill infant in hospital) so decided to 'cuddle' instead and wound up shagging, just happened, in the hospital. Just. Gross.

Honestly, it's a hospital, not your personal house. It won't kill you to go without someone draped on you for a few days.

TwoHeadedYellowBelliedHoleDig · 22/01/2020 10:55

I remember when DD was in hospital there were signs everywhere saying parents weren't allowed to sit on the beds, which was very difficult when you have a sick, unhappy and upset child - I had to take her out of bed and onto my lap on the chair.

Waiohwai · 22/01/2020 10:55

I'm genuinely surprised at the opinions on this thread.
Don't have much experience of hospitals, but when my daughter was born we moved to a ward for a few hours before heading home and my partner and I had a sleep on the bed while there - because, you know, we were knackered. We closed the curtain first, but more to minimise disturbance than out of fear that we might offend anyone - I think most people on that particular were pretty wrapped up in their own families and new babies.
I get that there might be situations where concerns like infection control might mean it's not a good idea, but a blanket ban is absurd. What about the partner of someone gravely ill, spending hours at the bedside and needing to rest themselves, or wanting to provide / receive comfort?

AlexaAmbidextra · 22/01/2020 10:55

I sat on the edge of the bed last year when my dm was taken into hospital and was told off by the ward sister. I said something a bit sarky in return

You’ve got some bloody cheek. The ward sister didn’t need your sarky comment. The nerve of you, thinking you’re entitled to be rude to the staff.

PaddyF0dder · 22/01/2020 10:58

I’m a doctor.

It’s absolutely an infection control measure. For the same reason, visitors shouldn’t sit on the bed at visiting time.

ohohohmerrychristmas · 22/01/2020 11:02

As said above it’s different for dying patients/very seriously ill . Usually handled in ITU/MDHU etc which have their own arrangements eg respite rooms .

The ward I worked on have recently opened a respite suite too with a single bed, en suite shower room for patients’ relatives to use .

That said I must have cared for dozens of gravely/terminally ill teenagers and adults and never had a relative try to get in . For one thing if someone is very il they’ll have oxygen, IV lines, central lines, catheters, feeding tubes, possibly a trache or ventilator ... you can’t snuggle up to them in that scenario because you’ll probably find you dislodge something !

Billben · 22/01/2020 11:02

On the last day, a nurse younger than us came into do my obs,

This is where you’ve lost me OP.

YABU by the way 🙄

chinateapot · 22/01/2020 11:04

Slightly on the fence. Absolutely feel it’s appropriate for small children (in fact signs in oncology day unit I spotted yesterday explicitly say no one but patients AND parents to sit on the beds so they clearly accept it’s right for kids - and in an environment where infection control needs to be a big deal). Also very comforting potentially for very sick patients. But not always possible or appropriate for most patients.

ilovesooty · 22/01/2020 11:05

I think it's absolutely weird. Not surprised you were told to stop.

crustycrab · 22/01/2020 11:06

I'd now be wondering what else I was doing in public that's inappropriate Grin

Hope you get better soon OP

GhostHoward · 22/01/2020 11:06

Whenever I've been ill enough to be in hospital, I've been too ill to want a cuddle....especially the times that I was in multiple organ failure, and had to be brought back. You just don't climb into a hospital bed with a patient. They're there for the patient, because they're ill...it's not a hotel.

YABVU!!!

Mrsjayy · 22/01/2020 11:06

It isn't your front room if your husband is tired he could have napped at home Hmm

BigChocFrenzy · 22/01/2020 11:07

Infection control
Risk of the bed collapsing - there'd be hell to pay if they just allowed slim couples to do this

Also some people have no boundaries, don't care about embarassing patients & staff

A nurse friend has walked in on a patient & partner having sex
and of course she can't be sure there was no coercion

bruffin · 22/01/2020 11:09

I was on the ante natal ward due to severe complications of the pregnancy and as such was an emotional wreck. He is my rock and living in the hospital for days / weeks at a time was really taking it's toll on me but I had no other choice. Plus I was having a terrible time trying to sleep. Having him on my bed for 20-30 minutes to cuddle and have that reassurance was really important to me. I'm surprised people think it's so unreasonable.

I was in a similar situation with 7 weeks in hospital for PE but no way did DH lie on bed for a cuddle , totally inappropriate and not unfair on other patients

BedSprings · 22/01/2020 11:09

Years ago even patients who were in outdoor clothes couldn't sit on their beds , you had to be in nightclothes.

If I was on a ward where people were sharing a bed it would make quite uncomfortable, I mean there's unwritten standards we expect from society and that would be flouting them in my opinion.

Now if someone is terminally ill it's a different story and most people would understand and accept that.

Chrissyho · 22/01/2020 11:10

Oh my God! I absolute agree with the nurse. The hospital is not a hotel! Your husband should be leaving you space to recover. It is not for him to lay in, he is not the patient. Also, have some respect for the other people around you. They also want to recover and sleep. When I was in hospital after the c section I could hear all the men snoring and eating crisps really loudly at 3am!!! I was so annoyed and I could not rest or get the sleep I so needed after a very hard labour. My husband did visit me but he slept on the chair and when he was also snoring I would tell him off or wake him up as I knew it's important that we keep quiet. Some ladies who were patients were also very very inconsiderate and talking on their mobile until morning. OK, for some it might be their second third or forth baby and they are used to it, but for me hospital was absolutely alien and something very shocking to get used to, so this has definitely made my experience worse.

WheresMyChocolate · 22/01/2020 11:13

My DD's boyfriend stayed at the hospital the entire duration of her recent 2 month stay. She was in a private room but he still slept on the floor. The nurses did take pity on him and brought him all the left over food at meal times.

Mrsjayy · 22/01/2020 11:14

I hated the dads in the ward when i was having babies I was in weeks ante natally and they would be there after visting finished asking if they could turn the tv with their feet on the beds !

stophuggingme · 22/01/2020 11:15

Cringeworthy
And unhygienic

You sound like a loved up teenager Hmm

ddl1 · 22/01/2020 11:16

I was in hospital quite a lot as a child, and Sitting (let alone lying) on the Bed was definitely seen as the cardinal sin for visitors. Probably due to infection control issues. Maybe they are less strict on a labour ward, because there aren't so many people who are really ill? But in any case it's probably infection control, rather than Immorality!

voddiekeepsmesane · 22/01/2020 11:17

Well I'm going against the grain here. I see absolutely no problem with it at all. If I was really ill there is nothing more that would make me feel better than a cuddle from DP. Treatment is supposed to be moving towards a more holistic approach in the NHS. Cross contamination is a load of BS and as for being "inappropriate" where are we the 1950s?

nocluewhattodoo · 22/01/2020 11:17

Aside from infection control and weight limits of the beds, it's just totally innapropriate to snuggle together in a hospital bed as adults.

Mrsjayy · 22/01/2020 11:19

Oh I was also in hospital a lot as a child and sitting on beds was a no no for visitors it is probably ingrained into me.

MrsCasares · 22/01/2020 11:19

I think it’s having respect for other patients and staff that make the majority of people not do this.