Cousin didn’t ask me to be bridesmaid

[Cloudyyy]

My cousin is basically my best friend and I’ve just found out - from other friends- that she’s asked them to be bridesmaids at her wedding but not me. Obviously it is her choice but I’m very upset that this is how I find out how little I mean to her! I asked her about it and she says she wants my son to be her page boy instead. It feels as though she only wants him because it suits her photos and I don’t really fit the mold. I realise it sounds petty but AIBU to tell her to find another page boy?

What do you mean you feel you don't fit the mold?

I can understand it's upsetting when she's such a close friend - but honestly I'd be relieved to dodge that bullet! You can enjoy the wedding as a guest without any stress of helping to organise it.

YABU it's her wedding, her choice. She might be your best friend, but obviously you're not hers.

@Kinraddie yes exactly! So I don’t really see why I should bother with the page boy rubbish if I’m not that important to her.

Maybe he is page boy in lieu of you being bm.

Yabvvvu Its her choice and it's lovely she wants your son to be a page boy you should be happy !

That's really mean of her. Why would she exclude you? And what do you mean fit the mould? I'd tell her to find another page boy.

@babyg1995 not being obtuse but why is it lovely? It’s just because she thinks he’ll look cute in her photos. Why should I be happy about that?

Lucky escape I would say.

YANBU to be upset - I would be.

YABU to tell her to find another page boy. Don't be like that

YANBU to be upset at not being asked if it's important to you. But it seems slightly mean and petty not to let your son be page boy (assuming it's something he'd be happy to do)

Why don't you fit the mould? Do you think it's based on your looks or size?

There's a reason she hasn't asked you... that's not meant to be harsh, but it could be she's your best friend, but she doesn't consider you her best friend.

Sometimes in life we place ppl much higher than they place us.

@LIZS that what she said but I don’t really understand what that means. The two things aren’t really connected surely?! It’s strange to think my son being page boy would be ok when she’s left me out of her bridal party.

Yanbu to feel upset

You said she's your best friend so is she not close to your son ? If that's the case ignore my comment.

And yes I agree, your ds being page boy shouldn't replace you being a bridesmaid. It's not either or.
She obviously does not consider you to be her best friend.

Could it be she has all unmarried childless woman as bridesmaids?

Do you have siblings or does she have other cousins, might be she's trying to be diplomatic, not rock the family boat by having you and not other family.

I don’t really fit the mold

What do you mean?

I'd be upset too. And you're within your right not to let your son be pageboy. Does he want to be?

@LaPoesieEstDansLaRue gerbuinely tryig to understand - why do you think it would be mean not to have my son as page boy? She’s made a clear declaration that I’m not in her closest friends, I can’t see why I owe her any favours. I’m not tryig to be awkward, just wondering what your train of though is as I’m not sure what to think.

How old is your son? If he is old enough to know what’s going on and wants to be page boy, it would be a shame to refuse. I also don’t see how you could refuse without coming across as petty, unless he’s old enough for you to Credibly say he doesn’t want to.

It is up to her who she has as BM, but YANBU to be upset as it has sent a message she does not see you as being as important to her as she is to you.

You not being a bridesmaid doesn't mean you don't mean anything to her.
It may just mean that other people are closer but that doesn't diminish your relationship with her, unless you let it.
Has she not asked because you are quite overdramatic?

I had my oldest friend as a bridesmaid when I got married, along with my SIL, DSis and cousin.
My oldest friend has her sister and cousin and that's it. I don't think any less of our relationship. My SIL will probably have her closer friends.

Swings and roundabouts. My wedding was mine. Theirs is theirs. I'm just happy I get to watch them get married.

To those who’ve asked... I just don’t look like her or her other bridesmaids. I won’t want to elaborate too much in because she’s on here but I’m probably not what he wanted in her photos.

In case she’s on here

I think being a bride's maid is generally a huge amount of time, bother and expense, so it wouldn't bother me. Perhaps if she had both you and your son in the bridal party she's have to exclude another friend or family member completely, so this was her compromise.

Just go and have a good time. It's not about you, it's about making a lot of choices and compromises to get the wedding she wants and can afford.